I would like some advice from those already in piecing. You can read my story here: Lee's story
In short: Me 28, H 28. M 6 yrs. H suffers from depression and 5 months ago was threathening to kill himself if i didn't return home (I was living in another state for work). I got home ASAP and alot of things happened with H. He lost his job and dropped the bomb, telling me that he couldn't handle being at home, didn't love me, never had and wanted out of the marriage. He moved out on the 20th of Sep, two days after losing his job, and moved 2000km away. Since then i had spoken to him half a dozen times, being completly dark for about 2 months. Just before christmas he rang me and asked to come home. We talked about it, i was very sceptical as to his reasons so i went to see him and spent a week with him. It was decided that he would return to melbourne, but live apart from me and he is due back this thrusday.
Last night he rang me and was telling me about all the stuff he has done in order to come home, and when i asked him where he would be living he told me that he doesn't know and wy can't he just live in our house. That it is his house too and that i have no right to keep him out of it. This is a total backflip from him saying that i was up to me if i took him back and that he would do it as we had discussed.
I would like to know what peoples experiences are with the return of the WAS. Did many have success with the WA moving back into the home? What sort of goals did you use for this time? How many of you wondered if you wanted to really go there?
I do want my M to work, but how much do i sacrifice of myself and my values in order to achieve that?
So i don't repeat myself, you can see more clearly where these doubts come from by reading my latest post on the above thread.
Please, any advice or supportf would be much appreicated. I feel very alone, most of my friends and family think I'm crazy from wanting to try and work it out with H. He did some pretty horrible thing, very out of character (note the depression), and that is what most people saw. He treated me very badly.
Thankyou so much for the welcome. For some reason i'm feeling very down today, infact i feel like crying for the first time in about 2 months! I have had a very frustrating day, so that propably has a bit to do with that.
How to lovingly set boundaries?!? This has almost drove me to distraction over the past few days! The only thing that i know, is that H moving striaght back into the family home would be a major mistake and so I'm going to have to stay firm on this. I guess this is a boundary!
I'm going to check out those threads and see what i can get out of them.
Actually, Betsey, I have not started a new thread... I am still in limbo, waiting for H to come back and with no idea of where he is and what he is doing... He has not called our daughter either...
Sorry for the hijack Lee...
I had thought of waiting until Fri to start a new thread once I have something specific one way or the other...
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
Well some progress, at last!! When i went to see H over the holidays, we discussed in length his depression. It was agreed that our first proirity was to get this undercontrol. H asked me to help him with looking at treatment options and i spent a very frustrating day yesterday trying to get information about what is available. Finally it seems i may have got on to the right people! For those of you that are familar with my sitch, you may remember that my H's treating psycharist told him, in my presence, that 'Not everyone is supposed to be married and that my H was one of these people!' This doctor encouraged H to leave me and was very counter productive! Oh yes, I'm still very angry about this man and the damage he caused. Anyway, the lady i spoke to today had some very interesting things to say about this doctor and that she wasn't surprised at his poor treatment, that he has a very bad rep. and that her team wouldn't touch him with a barge pole.
She was able to give me the name and number of a good treating doctor and described how the team she works for operate. It is almost to good to be true. They operate under the princples i was looking for and have all the services that we need!!! This is such a relief! One less thing to worry about!
I just had to share this with you all. I know that WAS leave for a varity of reasons, but i really believe that this doctor and the way he used his influence on a vulernable person, was the catalist for my H taking this action. I know that we did have our problems, but they where ordinary life stuff, not something to break up a M over. H openly admits that he was happy at least 90% of the time and he now says that there was nothing really wrong or missing in our M, that the problem was within himself and the way depression had/has caused to thinking to be less than rational.
Today, i feeling very optimistic and confident that all will be well!!
My mantra is one step at a time, and this is what is happening!
