The "open communication" that we long for can often be a double-edged sword. As we strive to get our partners to tell us their thoughts, we often times hear things that we don't really want to hear.
I think that's as much a cultural thing as it is communication. As a society we often prefer to live by the white lie (alternate reality). In the end alternate reality communication causes nothing but friction. We need to learn reality communication. That's a cultural shift. ....Soup
I've been absent from posting on the BB recently but have found this forum and insights very enlightening. I'm wondering if anyone here has any insights for me I would greatly appreciate them.
Not sure what I'm really dealing with now. Trying to get a sense for what she is really saying. Should I even ask? And not sure how to handle it.
wow just found this thread & it's asking all the questions which have been on my mind lately
althou i suspect byron's not done with MLC & his attitude has been that he's definately not home yet
he does seem to be conflicting a bit in his actions & has started to make himself a bit more at home in the hometel
i'm thinking i'll be coming here to ask questions & continue in my MLC thread to journal whats happening
i'm not really feeling that we're piecing yet but since he's for the moment back in the bed most of the week i quess i should be looking at this more as piecing / reconcilliation?
i've been feeling torn to about looking at it that way since in june he was so insistant that he wasn't coming back
i've been doing 95% good about putting no pressure on him to come home or to work on our marriage problems (ok i slip 5% of the time like putting in the Marriage breakthru videos hoping he'll actually watch it in the morning)
Found this thread at just the right moment so let's bump it up.
I'm opening to reconciling with my H, and though my heart isn't totally in it, I'm going through the motions.
Here's my aim: to see if we want to be partners again.
What are my actions?
I'm keeping mum about my feelings. I'm observing my H and myself together without analysis. But I do keep on the lookout for signs he cares rather than signs he doesn't. I try to listen and not critique whatever the heck he says.
-- In response, my H reveals himself to me.
-- In response to his revelations (that he goes out dancing a lot, has friendships all over the world that I'm not aware of, has a neighbor who he goes for coffee with every morning) ... I just OBSERVE and BE CALM.
I try to see that he is SHARING WITH ME not hiding from me. I try to see that as a good thing. But sometimes knowing that he has "another life" makes me feel abandoned again.
My heart might race, but I WAIT for it to calm down. The hardest thing is NOT SAYING ANYTHING to him.
He used to reassure me and show me I was his goddess.
Not anymore. I wouldn't believe him anyway. He's had an eye for gorgeous young exotic foreign chicks. How can he come home to vanilla?
That's something I gotta work on -- or maybe it'll be the breaking point for me -- I'm gonna give it time and see.
But whenever I feel left out, I look at my dresser, where I see ticket stubbs to George Clinton and David Bowie and The White Stripes.
Hee hee, got plenty of MEN in my life!
I am IN THE PICTURE -- and it's pretty lively.
Don't mean to hijack this thread, just jotting my current responses to the topic of RECONCILING.
Was there some psychic waves moving you, knowing I would eventually need to come back here? Or was your experience telling you I was just caught up in the hurricane that happens to all of us, then delivers you back to reality, on the doorstep of your messy life, to pick up the pieces and try to move on again.
Whatever the reason, thanks for being here...and not letting me go!
I HAD to come back here to see some of my OWN postings, and it made me see how far I'd come and what I had let go of that I needed to remember.....
Somewhere between trying and giving up I got lost thinking I could go forward on my own much faster.....FASTER, yes...but fast is not always best.
In fact, "fast" leads to not seeing the potholes in the road because you are concentrating on the sunset in front of you instead of the road BEFORE you.
I wasn't sure after coming back to the bb just where I belonged, hopeful, piecing, MLC??? but I figure where I left off is the best spot.
Hi to all friends....Thanks most of all to Undie for being there for me when I had no one to turn to!!
and to those who just kept me in their thoughts and prayers...
