I also asked my H for any photos, cards, letters, anything he might have from the last OW (EA)as a gesture of "good will."
He presented them to me and offered to read one of them to me, which was written in Spanish. I never asked him to translate that card. A couple of months later, I mentioned that I still had those items. He was a little upset that I still had them and suggested that we dispose of them together. I was not ready to do that at that time.
That was a year-and-a-half ago. I still have them in my desk drawer. For some unknown reason, I felt the need to pull them out and look at them one night last week. I was very unpleasantly surprised at the emotions that are still associated with those items. My heart started pounding and my anger flew to the surface.
The feelings were strong enough to provoke me to contact an old DB friend in order to "vent" those feelings with her rather than with my H. She has rather the same situation with cards and photos which she has also not been able to "let go" of, and she's kept them for over three years now.
It sparked quite a flurry of debate as to why we both seemed unble or unwilling to dispose of the "evidence" of our H's betrayal.
No conclusion was reached except for the knowledge that the healing process is not completed for us -- no matter how wonderful our R's with our H's are.
Someday I hope to have healed and forgiven to the point of being able to finally let go of that tangible evidence of one of my H's betrayals (there were 3 all told). Sometimes I think that I must let it go NOW in order to truely heal -- but I can't. Not yet.
Quote: No conclusion was reached except for the knowledge that the healing process is not completed for us -- no matter how wonderful our R's with our H's are.
Someday I hope to have healed and forgiven to the point of being able to finally let go of that tangible evidence of one of my H's betrayals (there were 3 all told). Sometimes I think that I must let it go NOW in order to truely heal -- but I can't. Not yet.
I can't explain it either, but I'm just not willing to destroy those photo's or any of the other evidence I have stashed away.
I too, pull out the photos from time to time and find it brings some rather unpleasant feelings to the surface.
There's something inexplicable about the whole process of deciding if and when I will pull them out and then ruminate over them a while.
Even the ritual of putting them back in there place and leaving them alone until I decide to pull them out again, is somehow therapeutic in an odd sort of way.
The resulting anger from looking at those photo's holds on to me less and less as I repeat the process.
Oh yea, I've never been face to face with the OW (not sure how I would respond if I were ) so I talk to her through the photo.
I tell her "I'm still his wife, and you are ... HISTORY!"
Quote: my H's betrayals (there were 3 all told)
Oh Mattie... I'm so sorry to hear this.
You are to be commended for your patience and strength.
My H confessed to me that he had a PA after it had been over for 3 months. One week later, he decided he needed to shed ALL his guilt and confessed that 13-14 years prior he had had a PA. I was rocking and reeling to be sure.
It was not for another 10 months that I would discover his ongoing long-distance EA with an "old family friend" whom he had not seen in over 30 years.
Oddly enough, when I found out about his EA I realized how deeply troubled my H was. I was able to see that he was not just a philandering son-of-a-bi*#h, but that he indeed in dire need of help.
My own father suffered from depression and took his own life when I was but 5 years old. He was never diagnosed with depression, as that was 45 years ago, but I have many letters he wrote my mother at that time and he was definately severely depressed.
I knew my H needed help -- at that point, he knew he needed help. He got that help and is now a completely different person.
But that does not negate the pain I felt/feel as a result of his betrayal. While intellectually I can understand somewhat of what he was going through, emotionally I am forever scarred.
Quote: My own father suffered from depression and took his own life when I was but 5 years old. He was never diagnosed with depression, as that was 45 years ago,
Oh, I barely know what to say. How very sad. This, in itself, must have left a deep scar.
I'm happy to hear that your H has gotten help and is a "completely different person" now.
Sounds as though you could really use some stability in your life after all you've been through.
My guess is that, life has taught you to be very compassionate. I can hear it in your posts.
Last night, as we were talking about our up-and-coming trip to Costa Rica, I mentioned that it seems as though the number '22' holds some significance for me. I told him in a light and friendly tone that -
* It will be 22 days until we leave on our trip counting from the 22nd of this month. * I was born in the year of the 'monkey' and the year of the 'monkey' starts on the 22nd of this month. * I was born on the 22nd of October. * AND said, "Something that I'm trying to forget happened on the 22nd of last January". Ummm...It just fell out of my mouth in that manner.
My H's face kind of melted into an expression of pensive sorrow after that last remark.
I quickly injected through a big smile, "But, things are MUCH better now" and his face perked right up. Sheeewww.
I've been taking a course, (off and on) since November and it runs from 9am until 4pm. Today I left at 12:30pm because of an ever increasing bog I was finding myself in - and people were noticing.
The bog was pretty bad by the time I got home, and my H noticed. He didn't probe, but my guess is that he had a good idea of what was causing it.
He's presently in bed with a headache. I'm wondering if he's experiencing his own "echoes" right now, as well.
One thing my H did say before lying down was, "Would you like for me to meet you at school tomorrow so that we can have lunch together?" I managed to grunt a "yes" out through my mental fog. By the way, the school is real close to where he used to work. Eeek.
Trust, trust, trust.
I'm so glad I have my wise and caring bb buddies here to keep me on track. Doing something nice right now IS important.
Now to clear this sickening fog from my head and figure out what that "something" will be.
) so I talk to her through the photo.
I barely know what to say. 
