the sleeping??? he's 34 but this is not a new thing...he's been falling asleep since he was in his early 20's.
Quote: P.S. Could the shove be a way to initiate touching, sex perhaps, (a wild guess here - sorry if waaaaay off base). Lots of guys will be playful this way, I must say I love to wrestle around on the floor with my lover..... he may not know how else to get to you, try pinning him against the wall next time, with a big kiss ? Ok - tell me I am all wrong.....
I took both of his childish attempts as just that attempts...but I'm sorry that there were conversations had and feelings expressed by me that he has not bothered to address...sure he could be playful and who knows might have even been thinking of a little nudge nudge wink wink...but I'm not grabbing that hook...it's no longer a fix it for him...he's gotta start talking or at least spending time with me...I'm not playing wifey any more.
Just doing a bit of lurking....have to say I agree with Macdonald
Thow him up against the wall and lip smack him next time...fair play and all that, right?
It is rather childish, throwing food, but after all if he's been busy earning a living and supplying all the nesessary things in life his social growth pretty much stopped at 19 and now he doesn't know how to have fun, one on one, like an adult!
What do grown ups do for fun?
His playfulness is goofy...but harmless....maybe he needs you to show him(gently) how to goof around like an adult?
Actually what do you do with your girlfriends to be playful with them?
Good luck, just remember to duck if he throws spagetti! Trish
as far as throwing him against a wall and planting one on him?? I'd love to...however am reluctant to due to years of rejection by him for starters and for seconds in the past I would have just given in to his attempt at connection..however if he's expecting me to believe that his r with ow was not physical then he's got to start talking to me about things...us specifically!
how do grown ups have fun?? well that depends on wether they think they're grown ups or if they are... people who think they're grown up do stuffy things while real grown ups know it's ok to act like kids.
I don't mind the playfullness of his little shove or the flying cheeze it...it is simply that at this point I can't keep allowing it to be so easy for him to break a silence.
Well LL, You can join the ranks of us that are detaching for the sake of maybe making the R better, but mainly for US.
It's just wrong to take less than what we deserve over and over again, and have them disrespect us and completely ignore our needs while expecting us to meet all theirs.
I'm sure you've laready detached, but it doesn't seem your H is noticing. What gives?? Rachael
I hear what you are saying in your reponse to me and the others - your fed -up of making it easy for him to get outfrom under getting real is that it?
I have been there, and it cost me my marriage when I finally put my foot down, for me it was worth it, I had been threatening for years. My day to day lifeis much much betterwithout him. I do not dare advise you of a thing - you know what you want Love.
Quote: your fed -up of making it easy for him to get outfrom under getting real is that it?
bingo!!!! I know he's capable of being real and it's not just an assumption either...I woulndn't have married a dufis who's only manner of communicating is by throwing food. How to keep the real while still living the reality and do it all peacfully?
advice for me? that's ok I know this is one of those shaky ground sort of thangs...I'll do it my way for a while and see where it gets me...right now it's got me a h who's taking a nap as he was out plowing from 4am to 10am...oh and a h who will be watching the kiddos tommorow while I drive into boston for my eye exam.
is life here unbearable???? no not really I can amuse myself it's when I no longer wish to amuse myself that there will be problems.
rachael the things that I still do I can't stop doing...
I can't stop cooking good healthy meals for me and the kids so there happens to be enough for him too.
I can't stop cleaning the house...it would just drive me nuts.
I can't stop talking to him when he talks about the kids.
I don't always answer the phone when he calls.
I don't cater to him.
I did the whole detaching thing while he was gone...I was living my life and he was..well I don't know wtf he was doing.
he came home...am I to believe that a detached m where the two are but roomates that occassionally (make that rarely) spend connecting time together is acceptable?
I am beyond the point of detachment...trying to have a m here so my choices are to either continue to live my life and accept that the r with h will be mediocur or continue with my life and hope that one day it will change or I give up.
You can detach while living together but its harder I think.
Obviously it helped while you were separated cause he came back. I KNOW he's reverted back to his old ways, but you don't have to! Stay out of his drama and don't let what he does get to you. THAT is detaching.
Just live your life as your happy with or without him and forget that he sleeps on the couch all the time. If your detached YOU DON'T care! Rachael
