LL, while reading through your last several posts (and remembering how YOUNG you are!) I had a rather sobering thought.
LL, you sound like I really believe I would have sounded had I married my first boyfriend (of 10 years!!)...LL he was ALREADY crashing on the couch by 8 or 9 and we weren't even married yet!
He wanted kids, (and in actuality has two and is a great Dad)...He was more of a "man's man" than CJ is...When you described the "snoring lump on the couch"...well I was beside myself.
LL...I think your H DOES believe he holds the winning deck...he makes the money (for now! )...he does what he wants...he expects you to "play wife" (Please tell me you DIDN'T make them a snack!!! )...
Why not? Look what you put up with? You fought to have him back and he is...what more does HE have to do? (this is from HIS POV, of course!).
LL, I don't think you are in any way ready to call and have the cops remove your H! But detaching, getting out, letting him fend for himself more...
LOOKING for a job (no one says you have to take one ) ...but what might your H think if you're buying a new suit, redoing your resume and answering ads?...You can say in all honesty that you're just keeping up with your interview skills, finding out what's needed in the changing market.
You see LL, I think there might BE some stuff you can do...and the cool part is it's all for YOU...and it can't help but also send a pretty clear message to your H.
If he doesn't start to wonder if his "hand" is as good as he thinks...well then he's a REAL fool, isn't he? And YOU will be in a much better position to move on without him.
LL...I think your H DOES believe he holds the winning deck...he makes the money (for now! )...he does what he wants...he expects you to "play wife" (Please tell me you DIDN'T make them a snack!!! )... no I didn't make them a snack (I did however bring some cookies to bil told him he could share them if he wanted...he didn't want to so to h) I left @ 2 when h got home to go return some stuff at the mall..left him alone with the kids...he made dinner for them (and not just pb&j) and if I hadn't come home he would have gotten them to bed...I guess bil is here for the night watching football with h...there are games on tommorow too so I assume that's why he's staying...good then h will have no choice but to hang with the kids while I go to mass tommorow wouldn't want to look like a shmuck infront of his bro now would he?!
LL, I don't think you are in any way ready to call and have the cops remove your H! But detaching, getting out, letting him fend for himself more... would setting up the spare bedroom for myself be ok? just thinking about it...not saying I'd actually move in there but it would be nice to have MY space.
If he doesn't start to wonder if his "hand" is as good as he thinks...well then he's a REAL fool, isn't he? And YOU will be in a much better position to move on without him. hmmmmm ya know what....he is a real fool but I must be a bigger fool cause I put up with it...so in all actuality he's pretty freakin smart!
Just my thoughts.
Shiny always welcome!
(What is your degree in again, LL?) bs in human services with a minor in counseling
days 4 and 5 of the new year seem to be a continuance of the same stand off....
h retreating to football watching with basically little if any interaction with me....let's just put it this way...bil stayed over last night in the morning other than the kids calling one daddy and one uncle it would be tough to tell wich was my h.
I took off this morning to attend mass alone....made lunch and then started making the meatballs for sauce..oh and took care of some browning bananas too (don't ever cook banana bread and spagetti sauce at the same time the smells just don't mix)
h watched football and checked the weather periodically while bil played with the kids and checked football periodically.
bil left around 4
fil showed up around 5 (bil told us he was comming guess he'll be staying over tonight)
h helped clean up dinner and is now playing cards with son while watching football (must be a bit of guilt over bil spending all that time with him)
last night while h and bil watched football I watched hair and organized my cd's in alphabetical order and them put them in a new carrier that I bought while x-mas shopping...only a few sleves left in a case that holds 209.
well I'm sure tonight I will be alone again in a house full of people....
this is a man who can fall asleep in a movie theater (and not during some sappy movie either...he slept through patriot games) on a couch in the middle of a party..it's not a matter of being comfortable it's a matter of not engaging in life around him.
as far as tampering with the tv reception??? interesting but that would effect the kids too as they like the disney channel...oh and then h would just find another way to get his sports...the radio...the internet...right now it's a battle for him or perhaps the only thing keeping him awake is that the tv and the puter are in two different rooms so when he wants to check the weather he has to walk up the stairs and over the past few days he's checked the weather ever 1/2 hour...and yes I check the history and it's all weather related sites and I don't think he's handy enough to delete just one visit.
h is putting son to bed right now..I assume he'll retreat to the cave after though his dad is here and taken over the couch....he may end up on the bean bag on the floor down there as I've already lit myslef a fire in the family room and plan on watching a movie that fil told me is on at 8...crap I forget the name but I do tend to like the movies he suggests.
funny that fil suggests a movie to me..and while bil was here he played with my puter making a dvd out of my pics and while in the puter room asked me if I'd been to a new retail store around here as they have some nice pics like the ones I've got hanging.
so it aint h's family....either there's just something missing in h or there's something missing between h and I.
I tend to think more the latter and sadly am not all that interested anymore.
seems to me my h is still in high school (well after all ow did sign her letters 1436...I wont make you think to hard on that since I assume most of you have grown up...1= I, 4= love, 3= you 6= always) I think h kinda gets the hint that I'm less than pleased (well duh the last time we spoke wasn't pretty) and instead of spending time with me (fil came upstairs to watch the movie with me and h is down in the cave) or saying something anything...in passing by him on the stairs...(his return to the cave from checking the weather again and my comming up from getting a soda) he pushed me like a stupid hs boy...I simply said don't push me....then while I was sitting in front of the fire place during a comercial while fil stepped out for a butt h came by and threw a cheeze it at me...all I could say was grow up....his reply was grow up??? and of course back to the cave he goes.
I can't imagine what kind of a r he had with ow...she must be pretty damn pathetically stupid to want to leave her h for a man who's way of communicating with his w involves pushing and throwing food....
Thing is this is not some dumb guy...he's a self made man....started his own business at 19 and is pretty damn successful has been named the best of by the town he does work in several years...he communicates with people every day...why is it the best he can do with his wife is some stupid shove and to throw food? I mean really now I'm not 16 any more and if I push him he'll find himself on his ass cause it wont be playful.
ugh!!
anywho...son goes back to school tommorow provided it doesn't snow...I think the vaca was too long for him and it's going to take some effort to get his enthusiasm for it back up again.
have plans with a friend to go out tues night singing...should be fun...also have an appointment tues afternoon to have my eye checked..hopefully it's all gone and I can stop all the meds....I still have to figure out what to do with the kids that day??? don't really want h to go with me this time...why let him have something to throw back at me "I went to your appoinment with you didn't I"
hey wait a min I thought I said I wasn't going to complain about him anymore!!!
ok ok...not complaining just stating rather apathetically what's going on here...to be honest there is no hostility flowing from these finger tips in fact my face is pretty emotionless at the moment too..this was not a rant but merely a log of days events.
Just a thought because you often say how sleepy and what a couch potatoe your h. is.
My family doctor (before the divorce) did blood tests on my h. because this was happening to him - and it was a noticeable change. He was 46 at the time.
The doc was looking for low testoterone, men go through something distantly similar to menopause in women, called andropause (you can google it for into) or ask your family doctor.
My doc told us that he had many of his male patients, post 42 - 45 or so and up, on testerone patches. Work like a charm, he is off the couch and into your arms again. They get their energy back.
In my h. case it was clinical depression, but that was just him. Worth some investigation perhaps.
P.S. Could the shove be a way to initiate touching, sex perhaps, (a wild guess here - sorry if waaaaay off base). Lots of guys will be playful this way, I must say I love to wrestle around on the floor with my lover..... he may not know how else to get to you, try pinning him against the wall next time, with a big kiss ? Ok - tell me I am all wrong.....
LL - I can say from personal experiance that testosterone supplements work. I am on Androgel and it has really boosted my libido. The problem was that I was to "proud" to admit that I needed some help in that area and did not go the Dr. for a physical until she hit me with the bomb. If you can get him to the Dr. it would be worth it.
)...he does what he wants...he expects you to "play wife" (Please tell me you DIDN'T make them a snack!!! 
)...
) ...but what might your H think if you're buying a new suit, redoing your resume and answering ads?...You can say in all honesty that you're just keeping up with your interview skills, finding out what's needed in the changing market. 
to h) I left @ 2 when h got home to go return some stuff at the mall..left him alone with the kids...he made dinner for them (and not just pb&j) and if I hadn't come home he would have gotten them to bed...I guess bil is here for the night watching football with h...there are games on tommorow too so I assume that's why he's staying...good then h will have no choice but to hang with the kids while I go to mass tommorow wouldn't want to look like a shmuck infront of his bro now would he?! 
