Hi I'm trying to link threads and not doing so well at it!! My old thread was "Finding my way" over in newcomers.
Having a bumpy night tonight.
I stayed downtown on Monday night with Dr. K. After dinner I noticed a note shoved under the door. I read the note thinking it was a building announcement of some kind.
It was a typed apology and two free movie passes for tonight(wed) from someone named Dr. R.???
The note said "Sorry I was passing you in the lobby a few weeks ago and I thought maybe I might have spoken rather sharply, here's another movie pass, enjoy." Dr. R
No biggie right?
I just folded it back up and left it for Dr. K to find, thinking how pleased he would be.
When he opened the letter, I asked what it was and he said a free movie pass from Anton ???, a friend in the building.
Anton is not a doctor and there is no R in his name....Also IMHO only a woman would apologize for "having spoken sharply", now I guess H could be trying to spare the explaination that it was from a woman....but??????
So we had made a plan to go to the movie tonight....he calls at 6 and says he doesn't feel like going!
The conversation after that was stiff and rather awkward...he seemed hostile, commenting on my lack of ability to facilitate christmas eve and christmas day events.
He said I just wanted to go "free Wiley" like I always have....???? I think he means with poor planning....anyways I do not. But it is rather hard to get our daughters from out of town to commit to a date and time...for activities.
I feel we should just go ahead and plan what we want and let them plug in if possible but H is looking at this as a failure to plan if I "don't pull it off".
In fact he said this is really up to me...to "Pull it off" as the only thing he can do is invite them down there(to the condo)????...I don't understand what he means inviting them to the condo....I think he's thinking of doing just that..skip the house and invite them down.
We had a nice Thanksgiving with everyone here and he got to talk to everybody...but that wasn't good enough. The dinner was served buffet style and he felt that that led to a lack of family connection by not all sitting at the same table!! He says I didn't facilitate playing poker, something he really wanted to do...Well, he talked all night to the kids and their guests mostly about his lawsuit.
Now he wants me to plan everything?(what exactly does this mean?) He mentioned possibly buy an extension for the table??????
He wants me to let him know by Friday so he can budget for all this...(Understandable, but I am unsure of his expectaions).
He says" You know this will probably be the last Christmas we have in the house"....okay and your point???
I don't have the money to make this a big bang up type of christmas extravaganza! We're about to go bankrupt for Goodness sake.
"yes, it might be"...I said "Is there anything you want to incorporate into the day??" "Well we never played any kind of games, we never facilitated that, you and I together that is, I tried but you always shot me down." he says.
I have no idea why he would think this....The kids always wanted to play when they were younger, he was always saying no!
Now these "Kids" are 21-26 and they don't all come together for anything!!!
Thanksgiving was a blessing.....what are we trying to accomplish here??
I feel a great pressure to do something which I am not going to be able to do....??????????
I can't afford presents and neither can he.
Then he follows up that conversation with how well his interview went today.....great!
Then onto the subject of bankruptcy. He says he talked with two different lawyers today......
"One said keep the condo, the other, keep the house." End analysis??: "I" can't keep both, he says.
DUH!!!!
Okay that's fine. But just where am I suppose to live??
If we keep the house he won't like living out in suburbia... If we keep the condo there is no room for me it's a studio..
He said on sunday "if we tried to live together there( at the condo) we'd drive each other crazy in a week".
To which I replied, " Well, I think we could make it work for a month or two, if we had to. What about when we move somewhere together?"
"Oh, well that's different, then we'd get more space something with a separate bedroom" he says.
I am getting very skeptical and discouraged.
If we declare bankruptcy, I think we aren't going to be able to rent anywhere!
I suppose he may be getting discouraged too because there doesn't seem to be a way through.
Then the worst part...
We were suppose to go to a dinner on friday night for the new support group he joined. He told me about it weeks ago, I was really looking forward to going because I would get to meet his new friends. Now he says he finally got his membership card and it says he belongs to another chapter(DAV) so he doesn't think we should go to the dinner! ????
If he shouldn't have been invited he wouldn't have been.....
I am so cynical, he is avoiding going, but I don't know why.
Well I have to go call D24. She is very MAD at me. She is making like her dad and saying I forgot her birthday Last week!
Anyone who has ever given birth knows you can't forget!!
But her package was late and since I called her instead of sending a card...she is making a BIG issue of this....She told my S23 that she wants a formal acknowledgement of her birthday! I called her cell late last night, S24 woke me up to tell me this, and this afternoon she calls and balls me out for taking up her minutes. That I should call her if I want to have a conversation! S24 says she is feeling ignored.
I'm feeling like this whole family is making me the scapegoat for their unhappiness!
Hi I'm trying to link threads and not doing so well at it!! My old thread was "Finding my way" over in newcomers.
Having a bumpy night tonight.
I stayed downtown on Monday night with Dr. K. After dinner I noticed a note shoved under the door. I read the note thinking it was a building announcement of some kind.
It was a typed apology and two free movie passes for tonight(wed) from someone named Dr. R.???
The note said "Sorry I was passing you in the lobby a few weeks ago and I thought maybe I might have spoken rather sharply, here's another movie pass, enjoy." Dr. R
No biggie right?
I just folded it back up and left it for Dr. K to find, thinking how pleased he would be.
When he opened the letter, I asked what it was and he said a free movie pass from Anton ???, a friend in the building.
Anton is not a doctor and there is no R in his name....Also IMHO only a woman would apologize for "having spoken sharply", now I guess H could be trying to spare the explaination that it was from a woman....but??????
So we had made a plan to go to the movie tonight....he calls at 6 and says he doesn't feel like going!
The conversation after that was stiff and rather awkward...he seemed hostile, commenting on my lack of ability to facilitate christmas eve and christmas day events.
He said I just wanted to go "free Wiley" like I always have....???? I think he means with poor planning....anyways I do not. But it is rather hard to get our daughters from out of town to commit to a date and time...for activities.
I feel we should just go ahead and plan what we want and let them plug in if possible but H is looking at this as a failure to plan if I "don't pull it off".
In fact he said this is really up to me...to "Pull it off" as the only thing he can do is invite them down there(to the condo)????...I don't understand what he means inviting them to the condo....I think he's thinking of doing just that..skip the house and invite them down.
We had a nice Thanksgiving with everyone here and he got to talk to everybody...but that wasn't good enough. The dinner was served buffet style and he felt that that led to a lack of family connection by not all sitting at the same table!! He says I didn't facilitate playing poker, something he really wanted to do...Well, he talked all night to the kids and their guests mostly about his lawsuit.
Now he wants me to plan everything?(what exactly does this mean?) He mentioned possibly buy an extension for the table??????
He wants me to let him know by Friday so he can budget for all this...(Understandable, but I am unsure of his expectaions).
He says" You know this will probably be the last Christmas we have in the house"....okay and your point???
I don't have the money to make this a big bang up type of christmas extravaganza! We're about to go bankrupt for Goodness sake.
"yes, it might be"...I said "Is there anything you want to incorporate into the day??" "Well we never played any kind of games, we never facilitated that, you and I together that is, I tried but you always shot me down." he says.
I have no idea why he would think this....The kids always wanted to play when they were younger, he was always saying no!
Now these "Kids" are 21-26 and they don't all come together for anything!!!
Thanksgiving was a blessing.....what are we trying to accomplish here??
I feel a great pressure to do something which I am not going to be able to do....??????????
I can't afford presents and neither can he.
Then he follows up that conversation with how well his interview went today.....great!
Then onto the subject of bankruptcy. He says he talked with two different lawyers today......
"One said keep the condo, the other, keep the house." End analysis??: "I" can't keep both, he says.
DUH!!!!
Okay that's fine. But just where am I suppose to live??
If we keep the house he won't like living out in suburbia... If we keep the condo there is no room for me it's a studio..
He said on sunday "if we tried to live together there( at the condo) we'd drive each other crazy in a week".
To which I replied, " Well, I think we could make it work for a month or two, if we had to. What about when we move somewhere together?"
"Oh, well that's different, then we'd get more space something with a separate bedroom" he says.
I am getting very skeptical and discouraged.
If we declare bankruptcy, I think we aren't going to be able to rent anywhere!
I suppose he may be getting discouraged too because there doesn't seem to be a way through.
Then the worst part...
We were suppose to go to a dinner on friday night for the new support group he joined. He told me about it weeks ago, I was really looking forward to going because I would get to meet his new friends. Now he says he finally got his membership card and it says he belongs to another chapter(DAV) so he doesn't think we should go to the dinner! ????
If he shouldn't have been invited he wouldn't have been.....
I am so cynical, he is avoiding going, but I don't know why.
Well I have to go call D24. She is very MAD at me. She is making like her dad and saying I forgot her birthday Last week!
Anyone who has ever given birth knows you can't forget!!
But her package was late and since I called her instead of sending a card...she is making a BIG issue of this....She told my S23 that she wants a formal acknowledgement of her birthday! I called her cell late last night, S24 woke me up to tell me this, and this afternoon she calls and balls me out for taking up her minutes. That I should call her if I want to have a conversation! S24 says she is feeling ignored.
I'm feeling like this whole family is making me the scapegoat for their unhappiness!
Sorry for being long winded tonight! This is the first night in awhile that things have been so rough.
Thanks for the offer of a margarita.....I hope I spelled that right ...I don't drink, but I'm definitely thinking of starting!!
I know there are some terrific people here and am really glad to have jumped over. Underdog and I are old buddies and she suggested the move....I'm really glad she did. I have read some of your threads too ps, thanks for the welcome.
What a night....I couldn't get to sleep...but the worst part is waking up....the first thoughts are just.....I guess dread would be the best word to describe it.!
Last nights convo was just so...discouraging.
Maybe he expects me to respond in the "same old way" and it's a test??
I sent him an e-m at 11:30 last night...he answered at 1:30.....told me what he did last night and said at the end signed off with: "I love you, Me."
He says that when we aren't spending time together! UGH!
Trying to see the positive here...not doing great, but I have to get through the day....here I go!
It's me, Undie--your crazymaking friend. And I'm going to jump right in.
I'm so sorry things aren't operating in the groove right now. But you know I'm going to think positively, so I won't disappoint you. But I'm going to draw on my crazymaking behavior and tell you that what you've described to me about Dr. K. is making sense.
What???? you say?
Cycler, this guy is upside down about your financial sitch. What does a crazymaker do when things spiral out of our control? THEY MAKE MORE! MORE OF WHAT HAS WORKED FOR THEM IN THE PAST!!!
What worked in the past?
He made outrageous or combative statements and you reacted to them predictably. (Note, I did not say you acted to them inappropriately...).
He's pushing your crazymaking dance button, Cycler. Big time!
So go get yourself a Margarita and come one back here for awhile. Employ those 180s that you did before. He will stop this behavior when he doesn't get the "reward". So deny him that one.
What can you do to make yourself feel better? Would it take heading over to the mall and applying for a holiday job in retail? Could you head on over to church and see if they need a little help with altar decorations? Something to make you feel you're doing something positive for yourself.
I know once you pray and ground yourself you will get the answer to your residence dilemma. Right now he just needs for you to be the one to help him through this trauma.
And Cycler, bankrupty IS traumatic for both of you, especially right now. Be kind to yourself, okay? Big hugs.
About your D? Tell her you love her but don't let her make you feel guilty about things. She needs to know that right now, you and her dad have some big, upsetting things that you're working through. Somehow, I think you and she will find the words to bridge that gap.
BIG BIG HUGS.
Undie
p.s. When I get a chance, I'll find the link to your first thread so these folks can read that one too.
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Do you like them? Virtual of course so no problem on driving afterwards. 
and she suggested the move....I'm really glad she did. I have read some of your threads too ps, thanks for the welcome. 
So glad you could join us and UD, your crazymaker friend, is outrageous!