another quote sent to me and i cherish this one immensely - i do believe there is a difference in "thinking positively" and "imagining" something - correct me if i am wrong SHINY but i would think there are two different thought processes with each of these actions
imagining something to me is putting yourself in a certain picture - thinking positive are just thoughts, no action required. to me there is more action involved with imagining than there is in in thinking positively
so i imagine a life 40 years from now - me and my husband sitting on our porch on our bentwood rockers surrounded by grandchildren - that is the mental picture i choose to be in my head at this time.
so naturally my mind and heart will be driven to that direction, bumps and bruises along the way, but the picture is there forever
My c said that the reason my h and have arguments is that we are allowing the possibility of d to remain in our minds thus breeding distrust and suspicion...not good conversation enablers. He says that our interactions will be more positive if we get d out of our vocabulary and focus on hope in our reconciliation!
Philippians 4
8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me--put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
I've gone back and read most of your threads and my sitch is very similar to yours. Bomb dropped, H didn't want d, told me I could have everything if I wanted d, I didn't want d either. But, in our case, he has never told me that it is over with OW. Indications are that it is. Things are different, but I'm still in limbo.
It is inspiring to read that it is possible to work on the sitch and still remain sane. At least, you appear to be as sane as anyone else on this board! I really appreciate everything you've posted on detaching. I'm working on that.
This post about imagining is great. Picturing myself and H as old folks, still together after all those years had a very calming effect on me for some reason. That is the mental picture I need to focus on when I have to thought stop. My imaginations need to be positive about H and me. And I'm no expert, but I think you are right about the difference in positive thinking and imagining.
I believe totally in what kitti is saying! I've posted some things over my thread on just this subject, out of the DR book.
So if you all want to be true DRers you need to pick the book up! There is some really awesome stuff in there!
I started by~ saying when H was around "we" and "our". Now my H is saying it all the time! I also start talking about doing things together in the future form~ like going on vacations together, even if it is with friends!
I'm telling all of you, it IS working in my sitch. And if you are in piecing, then it is time to start thinking and imagining you and S are going to have a future together!
Once you start, it will get easier, and will then become a habit! Some steps....
So here is my vision~my H and I vacationing together, walking together with our arms around each other! Another senerio~ H and I sitting side by side with grandkids playing around us. LOL, we have a grandson and that is already happening. we sit on the couch, not close though, will Jr. crawls from one to another!
pam - it never takes you long eh??? HA!!! thanks for the reminders about the positives, been interested so much in other threads the last few days i completely forgot about my own...
cindy - thanks so much for that quotation, you know, i have read that a million times but never really applied it to the "power of positive thinking" - now that scripture has a whole new meaning for me!!! thank you so much
lovedone - thanks for visiting me, and for the encouraging words...i can only hope that i give back just a smidgeon to this board for all the wealth it has given me. i have been following your sitch, just haven't been commenting because you have such vets on there helping you out! LOL
yes our sitches are similar, but at least you get a little nookie, i haven't yet, and don't know if i will, and frankly, at this point don't care. if we are to ever have sex again it will have to be because my hubby desires me more than any other woman on earth...LOL
lostlove - i sure have fun with you ya know? i know you are in pain, and suffering with your sitch, but you really make a person think with your posts and such ...
i heard this story many many moons ago, and i have done some extensive research on this, and you know, the funny thing about it is that it is true. if you just do a small amount of research on some of the most successful people in the world (whether financial, emotional or whatever) you will see that they use this tool extensively to get where they are today
this is not so simple as the "power of positive thinking" - no, it's much more than that
i think i may just bring this up as a next point of discussion
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POSITIVES
1) getting longer and longer morning hugs from hubby 2) hubby calls me 4 or 5 times during the day 3) we always are discussing dinner plans in the morning, which always means that he is planning on coming home!
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just journaling
had the opportunity to talk to a couple of elders (what our church calls pastors) last night - i expained to them my dilemna about the whole sex thing - i approached it this way ...
i told them that i had recently made a firm decision to stand by my marriage, that i wasn't leaving and if anyone was gonna do the leaving it would have to be my husband
i told them that the alternatives were not acceptable to me.
i also told them that i worry about my husband. i told them that the reason he doesn't want sex is because he is not willing to committ to the marriage and he doesn't want to hurt me anymore than he already has by recommitting and then possibly doing wrong again in the future. and that he also wanted to have a way out in the future if i should ever decide to leave.
they asked me if i had forgiven him for the adultery, i told them i had. they told me that whether or not we "consumate" the marriage again, in the eyes of God that the marriage was in tact. that it would be something i would have to answer to God if at anytime in the future i decided to end the marriage. the "innocent" mate issue wouldn't apply at that time. in other words, neither one of us would have a "legal" (spiritual) right to remarry.
they shared with me many fine scriptures - but one thing they kept telling me was to trust in god (let go and let god, now where have i heard that before?) they did mention that it might seem like a cop out thing to say, but when i leave it in god's hands he can and will take care of it IN HIS TIME
ok, one scripture that really affected me strongly (ever hear of patience?) was 1 peter 5:6
Quote: 5:6 Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time
so yes, i have to learn patience and i have to practice patience
they told me that my husband does have his own issues that have nothing to do with me, and to quit thinking that i am to blame - i did tell them that i went thru that stage, but i am past that. they told me to continue on the road that i am on, because i can't help but be blessed by god in the end because i am doing the right thing - for my children and for my marriage, because "god hates a divorcing"
so again, i am feeling much better (it's kinda a good pma boost when you find out your doing right spiritually) - pma is up, and i will continue on this road - no if's, and's or but's
lostlove - i sure have fun with you ya know? i know you are in pain, and suffering with your sitch, but you really make a person think with your posts and such ...
and is that a good thing or a bad thing?
I understand the power of visualization...it works in either direction...if you imagine yourself to be misserable well then that's pretty much where your going to end up...If you imagine you are beautiful and smart and loveable..woah watch out world!
it's not that I'm a total pesimist and wasn't intending to come off as negative here...I as someone who certainly knows how to imagine in all sorts of directions...was just wondering what other things or tools you would be using...
thus the inquiry...
how will you know if the vision is comming to be reality? what will you see? what will be happening to let you know you are heading in the right direction? what signs will there be to let you know "what's working" and "what's not"
At least, you appear to be as sane as anyone else on this board! 
I really appreciate everything you've posted on detaching. I'm working on that.