Hey HP. Ole BR has been out of sorts lately. BR had to go for an ultrasound only to find he has an unknown mass. To say I'm concerned is an understatement. I go for a biopsy later in the week. I did take the spreading of the cream on W as a good sign.
W has been extra caring over the past couple days as she found out about my deal. She's done everything to help me including checking into my doctor offering to take me and watch after me after the procedure. She's mad at the doctor for not giving more info to the point where she was calling for me. She's in the medical field by day. BR screwed up today. W asked did I want her to look after me later in the evening of the procedure. Not wanting to eat up too much of her time, I said no. Booom. She flipped on me. I didn't understand why and really don't now. She told me that nothing has changed when she tries to support me, I push her away. That wasn't what I wanted to do. BR hates people to worry about him to the point where he really hasn't told him mom what's up. No need to. Turns out W has a friend that had cancer in the area BR will get probed.
We talked and I finally admited that I was scared. I should have listened to my friend at work who told me to just accept the help and don't "macho" this thing up. She said W was reaching out to me in a mother/wife way. It does feel good to know she still cares in a way. Who knows.
More to follow perhaps in a new part III thread....
Hey, BR. I just went through the suspicious mass thing myself. Mine is in my head and turned out to be my offical loose screw. It has been there so long it dried up, calicified the doctor said. I hope and pray that yours will be just as innocent. However, I have a friend whose birthday is today that is facing the time in your life when you have to decide just how much living you plan on doing while you are still alive. She is 61 today and they couldn't remove her mass so they by-passed it. She said I encouraged her to get up and start living what time she has left. I want to help her do that.
I know how hard it is to accept help, my friend and I both have that problem. One thing about my H is when he is sure I'm really sick he is there 100%. Since I have been with him I have never had to face major surgery alone and he keeps my family from overwhelming me while I get well. I am one of those people that cannot get well in a hospital and I can't deal with a lot of visitors when I am sick. Trust me, my H got plenty of brownie points in storage for the way he cares for me when I need help. I just hate that I got to be sick to get attention. Please let your W help you after the surgery you will get well faster if someone takes the load off you.
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Growing older, mandatory. Growing up, optional. Wisdom the icing on the cake!
Whew!!!! What a week. BR has lived in a zone of confusion and fear for the past several days. BR along with W went for the biopsy. I sat stressed and pulling back a couple tears while waiting for my turn. What can I say? I could handle the idea of a gun toting thug coming at me but this health stuff, I can't control. In fact, I had what I think was a panic attack earlier. As I sat in the waiting room fighting back tears, I saw W looking at me and her eyes were a little glassy. We waited and finally went in and waited a little more. Due to a snafu, they could do the test that day. More stress and waiting. On the way home, W asked if I had eaten. She then treated to lunch. While at lunch, there were many silent moments. W looked at me a couple times as if to say something that didn't come out.
A couple days later, I was scheduled for this thing again. Big fear. When I got to the test room, I started the shaking thing. I have a fear of hospitals from my childhood. The doctor came in and told me what she was going to do. But first, she told me to take my wedding band off. I wear it on a chain on my neck. I should have it on my hand but.... W kind of looked at it and took it for me. She then asked what did I want her to do. I just wanted my hand held. Finally, the local goes in. I feel the pain and pressure and nearly break W's hand. I never open my eyes during the procedure but it felt good to be holding W's hand. She felt rocky and later told me that she nearly fell out as the needle went in my neck. Long story short, non malignent. Thank you God. Thanks to the folks that prayed. I still have to find out what's up but the hard part is over.
I was struck by how kind the W was during this period. I ALMOST wished I was a LITTLE ill. W's behavior toward me is still nice and concerned. A friend of mine told me that it's possible that seeing true emotions from me and actually being able to help me showed W I was still human and the old BR was still in there. I feel a little conflict going on in W. We'll see what happens.
What a relief for you. Do you think that this might start you two working together again? I hope so ..I'll keep my fingers crossed for you. Been following along but not posting much to you...Take care
BR, glad to hear you're okay. I can identify. I just got some heart results today, no probs, nice strong ticker. Sure is good to hear - a real relief. Glad to hear W was supportive. Might be a good sign...
Blackie, Great news. We were all pulling for you. I think you have made some headway with the W. I hope that the good atmosphere prevails in your house.
One thought I had was to praise her for going with you and to also encourage her to go through this same process in regards to the lump on her breast. Be there for each other and this might be the jump start you need to get back in each other's hearts.
Wow! Great News, BR. That's good news from Tim and BR in one day. Very cool. Hope the W comes around, too. But don't start feeling ill just to get her attention. That's not love, that's Munchausen's Syndrome.
BR that is great news. Please, make sure you thank your W for her care. Might I suggest roses or her favorite bottle? When she goes for her procedure don't let her go alone. Most of us treat people the way we want to be treated. She held yours you be sure you are the one holding hers.
