I still don't like your subject line, but you at least admit in your response that infidelity is a choice a person makes, not a simple cause/effect. I don't like to see infidelity diminished and dismissed as the fault of the one betrayed, particularly since in many cases, if not most (yours obviously not included) the tempted or cheating spouse did not effectively communicate the problem prior to choosing the low road. I also disagree completely that a life with little to no sex is a meaningless life. That seems overly dramatic a statement to me. I suppose that if sex is the only part of your life that is meaningful, then by definition your life would be worthless after the sex is gone. But if sex is your only reason for living, then I think you need to create a more meaningful life for yourself.
LL: I agree that the LD/ND spouse probably shouldn't be surprised by the presence of an A. Nonetheless, it almost always comes as a shock. Only hindsight is 20/20 for most of us.
To a LD or ND person, life without sex is ENJOYABLE. For a HD man, life without sex is virtually meaningless. Go over to the Mid Life Crisis boards. Read all those stories about men that have run off with the OW. The left behind wives can not believe that their husbands would throw away family, home, wive, jobs, etc.. for some floosy. There is a pattern here, for good sex, men are willing to give it all up. I was just reading the book His Needs/Her Needs, and in there, Dr. Harley made not of a study that was done of very powerful men, that had money, power, and prestige, and why did they eventually cheat on their wives. These men have EVERYTHING that life could offer, and they said they would give it all up for that one special realtionship with their lover. They openly admit that it is all meaningless unless you have that special relationship as "Lovers".
I know from my own experience that is the women I am with is not my LOVER, then the relationship is pretty much pointless. I have seen LD spouses try to say that marriage is more then sex, that it is about Communication, Trust, Quality Time, etc.. These are all very good needs to be met, but unfortunately, these are needs for LD spouses. Meeting these types of needs will not do anything for a HD male, they are not even in the normal HD males top 5 needs.
I know from my own experience that my wife was my lover at one time, and I would trade EVERYTHING I have today (including my kids, and I do love them very much) if I could have the OLD version of my wife back. I want to spend the rest of my life with my lover, not my companion. To be lovers in my mind requires GREAT sex, anything else is just companions, and being companions is nothing compared to being lovers.
As Dr. Laura says, men are incredibly simple: "Feed 'em, Sex 'em." Do this and you will have a great marriage. NEVER think that what is important to you as the LD female will EVER keep your man satisfied, as his needs are probably NOTHING like yours. IT's ALL ABOUT SEX, LADIES.
Are you looking for permission to have an affair or just venting? I'm gettting tired of listening to you say how awful life is for a HD male. I will grant you that, but it isn't exactly a picnic for a HD female to go without sex either!
Cheat if you want to, just quit acting like you are asking for permission. You aren't going to find it here.
Anyone who has been, or is in your position, has a great amount sympathy for you, just please quit trying to make this a male vs female thing.
Rayann, thank you for saying that. CeMar it does seem like you are making it into a male vs female thing here. Believe me, the HD female is not exactly happy either. I would give anything to have my marriage back the way it was 15 yrs ago also. We are all here trying to figure out how to do just that. Can we lighten up just a little on the male vs female thing? We HD women want our lovers back same as you do
Just to clarify, since it sometimes appears as if you are trying to represent all individuals of your gender, I'm a man, I have a healthy appetite for sex, but for the love of God, it is not the only reason for my existence. I do not think that with the way you think, you will ever be able to be happy in life. Even if you ever find a single woman that can satisfy you 24/7 with "GREAT" sex, which is highly doubtful, what will happen when you're 70, 80 or 90 years old and you need a crane to lift your penis into action?
I've seen your postings around and I've never really had an occasion to say hi, so I'm making an occasion to say hi.
I like it when you swap out your icons with your name. Gives me something to look forward to, not that the smiley face is a bad thing or anything... I just like seeing what you come up with.
Thanks for saying HI! I've followed your thread a little also, and you have really given an eye opener to some men!! As far as tha Smiley Face, I'll probably keep it on for quite a while, hopefully! CLICK HERE TO SEE WHY!
