I myself thought of another: When you say you hung at home and he says "Why?"....could you not answer "Because I felt like it"....if he persists with "Why?" You can say "Um, what part of "because I felt like it" (or whatever reason you've given) don't you understand?"
I also like the idea of turning it on him and asking why he wants to know....and if he hedges YOU can be the one with the "Whys?"
Maybe H is asking "why" because he is getting nervous that you are getting on with your life. What he really wants to hear (for his own reassurance) is "because I had nothing better to do".
Of course, you wouldn't answer this way because it would not be true
Sounds like your H is getting jumpy because he sees you have a good life without him there.
Shiny, a pleasure as alwasy and Yanni thanks for stopping by
Quote: I also like the idea of turning it on him and asking why he wants to know....and if he hedges YOU can be the one with the "Whys?"
I think I know why H is asking "why" and I don't want to say it in a way that would hurt his feelings. I never took his feelings into consideration before this all happened and would shoot off my mouth, just assuming H didn't have any feelings. But they were so well hidden that when I realized his pain, it was too late. My H's feelings go deeper than H let's on, I know that now and even though H has hurt me I don't want to hurt H anymore..does that make sense? So Shiny I think I'll go with your response or a version thereof.
I knew H was stopping here before he headed north, just ASSumed it would be after work and that he would only be here a few minutes. After H not showing up right after work, I had the feeling that he might have stopped for some drinks and thought I don't want to be here when he gets here and also thought I'm not going to wait just becuase I know H is coming. So S and it went out to do our thing. H called me on my cell phone wanted to know where I was told him and then where I was going. H then said I said I was coming here, I said I figured it would be right from work and H said I never said that...which is true. H is on his own schedule and always has been. He then asked about some checks that were supposed to be FedExed. I said they haven't got here yet, maybe they'll come in the morning I'll be here then. Right away H says "where will you be in the afternoon?" Man he doesn't miss a beat does he? I said I think FedEx only delivers in the morning. The thing is I am not going to be here tomorrow morning and don't know why I even told H I was going to be...oh well.
All of H's mail for the week was here, which he took with him except two pieces. One piece, in plain site, is from his doctor's office saying that he should have his blood pressure checked regularly, that it's high...H left if for me to see. He hadn't been to the doctor since this all happened. I made an appt. for him to go just recently. Another was a Xmas card from his parents with a check in it, which H left here..hmmm.
So when I saw the mail, I just smiled, the guy doesn't know if he's coming or going does he? He called me back again before I left work and was a totally different person from the original phone call. Even though H always says no when I ask him to do things, I'm going to keep asking, with no expectations. I mean when a guys really like a woman and asks her out, and is rejected, does he quit asking, no, he keeps asking. Guys have to go through the rejection thing a lot more than woman do, so now it's my turn to feel what it's like to be rejected for a date. I'll just keep asking him and asking him, eventually he'll give in, if only just to get rid of me....but I don't think that will happen.
Have to share, my PMA is sky high. Last night I went to a college basketball game by myself. People, plans fell through so I decided to go by myself, step out of my box, just do it. I had rockstar parking that my boss had given to me, right next to the building.
I was a little nervous, well really not. But I paid very attention to my self-talk. I stood in line, there is always a line. I was a little self conscious about the fact that I was alone, it wasn't too bad. I kept telling myself, nobody knows that I'm here by myself, I could be meeting someone, someone could be meeting me here. I get in the building go to my seat, I really don't have a problem with walking by myself through the building to my seat. I get to my section, sit in my seat. I then get into my self talk again, people around me must be wondering why I'm here by myself, then say to myself they don't know, someone could be meeting me here. My body language says, relaxed, doesn't matter either way I'm here and I'm going to enjoy the game. I did look at my watch a few times, just to make people think that maybe I was waiting for someone to come. The game started, I enjoyed the game, it really didn't matter that I was there by myself, it doesn' matter what other people think either. I'm not that important that other people are going to spend more than a second saying to themselves "I wonder why she's here by herself" "poor thing she had to come by herself" "I know I'd never go to a game by myself" and why not? It is more fun to go with another person or couple, but why can't we do something by ourselves just because we want to. Besides everybody there was there to watch the game, they're there because they love the sport and that was the reaason I was there.
In the past I've always been a very self-conscious person and it has faded since the bomb. I wanted to leave the game early, it was a blow out and so wanted to beat the traffic. I don't like getting up during a game as I feel like all attention is focused on me, I literally am frozen in fear. Self-talk, everyone will look at me, I don't want everyone looking at me...this is usually what goes through my head, I'll just stay till the end even though I want to leave now, don't want to be the center of attention. Last night I talked back to that fear, told myself, I am going to get up, relax and smile and make my way out of my section, let people look at me and I did and it was great!!! Walked through the building to my car with a smile on my face. I did it, I conquered that fear and it feels great. My H is going to not believe I went by myself either, part of the reason I did go to the game by myself was so that my H knew I went by myself and that I will continue to venture out there alone or with friends. I didn't talk to anyone, was more working on me and my fears of being there, IF I do go alone again, that will be my next step.
Yippee!! I apologize for the long post, but I wanted it all here as this was really a huge step for me.
Life is good. Life is great. Life is what we make of it.
I know how you feel about going out alone! And I went shopping alone last night. Went up to the condos and ate Dinner with friends. I was scared too, but I did it and it was a long drive back about 50 min. On the road alone at night, but I did it. And you know what? It wasn't that bad!
H-Man called me this morning right after I posted about my evening. Was himself today, or the person I like to think he and the person I'd like to see more of.
Said he shot another buck last night, shot it for his friend. Than asked if WE had enough meat in our freezer to last awhile. I said yes WE do, WE should be fine at least till next year.
I told H a friend of his had called here looking for him. H said that he had stopped over to see this guy yesterday afternoon, but didn't think he was around.
H then asked what I was doing for Xmas and S's b-day. I said well I was planning on Xmas with all of us here, H and SS. He said yes we probably should, so H is planning on being here at least for Xmas morning. In the past we've gone to his side of the family's for Xmas dinner.
H then asked about S's b-day which is three days after Xmas. Asked if I was having a party of what, I said no I want to do something with you, not a party. Talked about previous parties, that it's nice to have the get together with people, but probably not doing it this year.
Ohh, H asked if I went to the b-ball game last night, I said yes. H said with who, I said by myself. H said yeah right with skepticism in his voice. I said yes I did, my plans feel through, so I went by myself.
The conversation then changed, so H didn't really say anything else about the game. But I bet when he calls tomorrow he'll be asking about it again.
He then asked what I was doing with S, today told him. H then said well I don't know what I'm doing. So we said good bye. He sounded a little down at the end of the conversation.
That really IS BIG stuff there. I loved the way you described the experience. Like you, I would have been very self concious. AND it is so absolutely true that NO ONE is really paying us any mind for more than a split second (unless our skirts hung up in our panty hose or something equally humiliating LOL).
Congratulations on your foray out into the BIG world all by yourself....come to think of it, YOU were in pretty damn good company just being there by yourself! T2
I'll just keep asking him and asking him, eventually he'll give in, if only just to get rid of me....but I don't think that will happen.