Hey all - It's been almost 2 years since the original bomb was dropped in January 2002, and on Halloween night DH finally said what I thought he'd been leading up to for months - he made a mistake. Praise God, Divorce Busting Works!
I told a friend that phase 1 of DBing was over, and on to phase 2. This part is just as hard, if not harder! Now the pressure is on ME to make some decisions. He is very right to fear that it's too late for us, because if I didn't know better (and have the right support) I would say "no way am I taking another chance and giving you the opportunity to have this happen all over again in a few years). I feel very fragile right now, because I've worked so hard to build my own life outside of DH, that I don't know if I want to let him back in to "screw it up". I don't know if I want to take the chance of giving my son back his nuclear family (which he talks about) only to realize we made a giant mistake getting back together.
I feel like I need to make a list of all the things I expect from a husband - not just him, but any husband. The make-or-break items (not, "I need a man who will take out the garbage" but "I need a man who will put his family first, always").
We are still tip-toeing around each other right now. While we've both admitted that we still love each other (HA! His bomb was the standard "I've never loved you, never should have married you) neither one of us is using the "I love you phrase" on phone calls or whatever. It took me two years to train myself to NOT say it, now I'm afraid TO say it. All understandable stuff, but sheesh.
So anyway, I think this is the place where I need to be. This evening I'm passing along my copy of The Divorce Remedy to a dear friend who has fallen into some seriously ugly habits with her husband. They are really teetering on the brink, and I can see the old selfish me in her right now, the "Why should *I* be the one to give in" thoughts that really destroyed my marriage 2 years ago. And for myself, I will be looking into Keeping Love Alive, and definitely the Sex Starved Marriage, which, I'll be blunt, has a lot to do with my fear of taking him back.
Anyway, I always knew I'd be a DB success story, felt it in my heart, I just didn't think it would take this long! Jody, 38 1 son (almost 6) Bomb Dropped 1/2002 H moved out 3/2002
I also remember you from last year. I am delighted things have worked out for you. You give me hope! Especially since it took time.
Not sure what your schedule looks like but the Boston group is getting together for lunch in two weeks. Check it out in just for fun. Would love for you to join us.
Hey are you going to join us for lunch in Boston a week from Saturday? I'm flying in from San Diego and a bunch of DBers are getting together. Check out the thread in Just for Fun.
Don't hit your H up with a list - even now, my H is really sensitive to any hints of me "rubbing his nose in it" (even tho' I don't - it's his own guilt talking). But it IS important that your H figure out WHY he was susceptible to this.
Well you've been on the bb long enough to know that the work is far from over...different forum...new challenges!!
You mentioned the sex issue...is it you or your H who is Low drive? Just curious as a few of us here have a reversal of the "typical" situation going on.
So has he moved home? Or is that still in the works?
