NEON RED is GO for Launch!

[Jeannine]

I guess the problem is just me. Every time I think I finally have a hold on everything and I start to get comfortable with H and the way the R is going my brain taps me on the shoulder and says "uh,excuse me, but I think you forgot to include me in this sitch" and the next thing I know I'm getting sucked into a black hole.

Ah Zoo, may I tap you on the shoulder too?

You've just described an area of MY brain - except that mine is a tad bit louder. It prefers large metal pans banging together while screaming, "Hello black hole".

I start remembering how things were this summer and then the first little phrase or action that H does that even remotely resembles some of his actions from then sends me scurrying frantically to "fix" stuff before it gets out of hand.

The heart starts pounding, palms start sweating and the neck is swallowed by the shoulders. Right?

Here's what I do now when this happens. (Mostly.)

I switch to another screen. I start focusing on what IS working, what I like about NOW compared to how things used to be.
Yea, my heart continues to pound, my palms still sweat and my neck continues to gasp for air, BUT, switching to another screen helps me to 'ride it out' thereby averting reactionary responses.

I usually learn later on that my fearful thoughts were exactly that, fearful thoughts.
And there's a bonus!
My H is further reassured that I've committed myself to being less controlling and more trusting.

The struggle now is really more with me than my H.

[psluke]

Hi Zoo,

Just want to wish you good thoughts and hope you are feeling better.

{{{{{{{{Zoo}}}}}}}}}}

[Zoo]

Hey all {{{{{{ }}}}}}

I'm doing much better now then I was a few days ago...has me wondering again if the moodiness isn't directly related to my seizures (?). THe more I think about my more squirrely moments the more I tend to notice that a seizure usually occured around the same time. H did comment that HE was pretty sure I was going to have one due to some physical characteristics I was displaying. If we could just nail down some warning signs (been trying to for 4 years now) it might save me a few bumps and bruises

OPT: Thank you so much for talking to me the past couple of days. I know your life is kind of upside down right now but that you take time to listen and help others is so greatly appreciated...especially by me

Pam: You have been very patient with me and offered some incredible and sound advice...once again, I appreciate you more then I could ever express adequately

Jeanine: YES!! ...to all of your post I think I am going to try the switch screen idea and see what happens...it definitely can't hurt

If I've forgotten to address anyone else directly I do apologize...you all are in my thoughts

H has been extremely patient with me this week I have to hand it to him...his changes do seem to be sticking! Yes, I do worry that he MAY still be dissiminating (?sp) at times but if so there is nothing I can really do about it, right?

I wasn't feeling well Thurs. night...told H on IM that I was freezing. H said he was on his way home and would warm me up I thought he was kidding but nope! When he got home he ASKED me to put on one of my skimpies and cuddled up with me under a blanket on the couch and kept asking me if that was helping me warm up any THEN he gets up and comes back in with a bucket of chocolate chip cookie dough and starts feeding it to me ! Needless to say we ended up having a very pleasant night

Last night H asked me out for dinner ! We came back home right afterwards (H has drill this weekend) and cuddled up on the couch again H was extremely affectionate all day and night I just WISH that he would be like this ALL of the time...it sure would make things easier for me

Hugz to all !
Zoo

[nikatnight]

Zoo,

Sorry you are having to deal with the seizures.

H was extremely affectionate all day and night I just WISH that he would be like this ALL of the time...it sure would make things easier for me

WOW! How wonderful your H is!!! Just remember that night when he gets distant or crabby. We all have our moments, but WOW sounds like a great night!!! nik

[GParker]

Sounds like your H is really going out of the way to fill your love tank and give you reassurance.

It sounds like you are making progress, give yourself some credit!

Praying that my H will want to snuggle again someday.

later

G

[psluke]

Hi Zoo,

Hope the baking went well!!!

[Zoo]

Gaby: Funny you should mention love tanks I told h about the 5 LL's the other night. At first he thought they were BS but after explaining them a little better he came to the conclusion that his is "Touch" (DUH??? Like I hadn't already figured that out LOL) and that mine was "words of affirmation" and "touch". He has been addressing the "touch" part a lot more lately...even admitted to me that he realizes that he doesn't show me his love as much as he probably should or as much as I would like. This of course led me to ask H if HE felt that he loved me enough...his response was "yes I do,I've no doubt of that now". Now if we could just address that "words of afirmation" LL a bit more...

Pam: I've gotten French bread, almond biscotti and butter cookies done so far. Have the phyllo ready for my version of apple struedel, knocked out shrimp and pasta for supper. Hoping to get either chocolate chip or fudgie brownie cookies done yet tonight as well. Tomorrow will probably be chocolate biscotti, coffee macaroons,snickerdoodles, wedding cookies and a sponge cake (for Tirramisu).

I get a little nutty with the baking this time of year...thank goodness I have a big deep freezer

Hugz,
Zoo

[psluke]

MAYBE H would like to read 5 LL rather than you just describing it to him. It is a pretty quick read.

So did you need my address to send some of the baking too?

[Zoo]

Well folks, I am in a bit of a quandry The phone call came late last night...my H is being mobilized (Army reserves) and will probably deploy in the near future This could happen in as little as 4 days or a couple of months and there is no way of knowing where he will be going until he gets orders in hand

This scares the hell out of me in regards to our R. My H has a pattern of not doing well in long distance R's...his thought processes tends toward the idea of "what she don't know won't hurt her" Yes, it is an ASSumption on my part that he will follow the same pattern this time as well but I also spent a good bit of time in the military myself and the pragmatic side of me says that to expect faithfullness and fidelity from a man on deployment is just asking WAY to much. That is not to say that ALL married men in the military are faithless dogs but TBH, many of them are

I have tried to address this issue with H a couple of times when discussion of possible deployment has occured. My approach is always practical and matter-of-fact; not assuming or accusatory. I ask for nothing more then an honest reply. H will usually just shut me out. This could be because he thinks I'm being stupid and a pain in the ass by questioning his fidelity ( he has proven he is over all that now, hasn't he?) or it could be because he can't admit the truth of what I do say, to himself or me either one. I don't want to make an assumption here, but with no input from him that becomes difficult. I hate looking to past behaviour to predict future behaviour but again, with no input from him...blah,blah,blah.

It would probably help me more if I knew WHERE H were going. If it is someplace like Ft. Knox or into a combat zone I could deal with it infinitely better then if it were someplace else stateside or Germany. Ft.Knox... because he would be home frequently. Combat zone... finacial stress wouldn't weasel it's way into things and less chance of infidelity to tempt him. Elsewhere stateside or Germany...too much temptation and beaucoup financial stress/resentment. H spent 3 days in Germany his last deployment and managed to spend ALL of the substantial amount of money I had saved...12-18 mos there would bankrupt us

If H were active duty this would be a no-brainer...we would do a pcs move except if H went to combat zone. He hasn't been in the reserves long enough for us to find out anything about all of this

What does this whole mindless rant tell me?? My faith in H is shaky and that saddens me to no end My trust in H is about to be tested to the Nth degree and I think that is grossly unfair to both of us. I have choices to make that I don't want to...I can chose to allow myself to get slightly delusional and believe that H is now perfect as the better man he has begun to grow to be and will not let me down AGAIN, that he values this M beyond anything else and would not allow himself to do anything to jeapordize it OR I can choose to be extremely practical, knowing that these types of sitch can lead to good people doing stupid things, allow for and except certain behaviour as being "something that just happened", forgive it and hope our R can be picked up and put back on track again when the 12-18 mos. is up. I would love to be able to make choice number 1 and not think twice about it...I'm giving the odds to choice number 2. This of course means that I am reverting back to my old behaviour of having definite expectations to which H will revert back to his of living down to Damn, I hate knowing myself this well

Let me bring SOMETHING good to this post. H has continued to be wonderfully affectionate and loving. If I didn't know better I would swear he was on drugs!! He is sooo unlike the H that he was. Lots of touching and holding, smiles and goodness

I do get disappointed on occasion but he does his best to make up for when that happens. This is never more true then the whole wedding ring fiasco. I'm not getting one for xmas nor any time soon it would seem My xmas gift is under the tree and sadly, I know what it is H asked me if I had checked the package out ,picked it up or shook it or anything and I said no, I didn't need to. He said that he got me what I wanted, I asked him what he thought that was? He repeated that it was what I wanted...I laughed and told him that I said I only wanted ONE thing this year...that I told him what it was when he asked me a month ago. H said "you did, I don't remember that...what did you say?" I could only stare at him slightly dumbfounded. I quietly told him "I told you I wanted a new wedding ring and I told you why...but since you recently told me no, you weren't getting them, I let it go". H said "well that isn't what it is" and I told him I KNEW that...the box is to damn big. H then said "well it is something you said you would LIKE to have so I think you'll like it". I just told him I was sure I would since I was pretty sure what it was. I stopped talking about it then because the disappointment was welling up to the point where i couldn't hide it anymore. So I am getting cookware for xmas (just as I predicted would happen) and it isn't even going to be the cookware I REALLY want...it is something that I saw on TV and thought was nice and said I could probably live with for awhile considering how expensive the stuff I want is. For me it was just idle chit-chat while watching TV together...H took it as a hint And I had been going out of my way to avoid talking about cookware and kitchen stuff so I WOULDN'T get it for xmas Guess I will be acting "as if" again this year. Some of you are probably thinking I'm being a bit petty here with this...I should be glad to be getting anything...but it took a great deal of soul searching for me to ask H for a ring (I came to the BB agonizing over it being the right choice), to vary from the easy norm:(

Enough already...I'm getting silly here

Zoo

[holdingon]

Gee, Zoo, did you just decide to make yourself feel totally lousy last night or what? Here comes the 2x4...

Why are you worrying about when/where the deployment comes? You said yourself it could be months. Why not instead use the time to have fun with H, strengthen your M, great sex or whatever his LL is? You said yourself

Let me bring SOMETHING good to this post. H has continued to be wonderfully affectionate and loving. If I didn't know better I would swear he was on drugs!! He is sooo unlike the H that he was. Lots of touching and holding, smiles and goodness

Why go down that tunnel that he is going to give up on your R because he is deployed? And hold off on the "what if" talks. They may come when he hears where/when he is going. Why do you bug him about "what are you going to do IF"? May I remind you he is a man? Isn't he thinking about NOW? Isn't he being wonderful and affectionate NOW?

AND, how do you KNOW that you are not getting a wedding ring? It sounds to me that your H is playing with you about he cookware. When you told him about telling him what you wanted for Christmas

H said "you did, I don't remember that...what did you say?"

Your H is not deaf is he? Are you sure he's not playing with you? I mean if he told you you were getting a ring... what fun would that be? Can't you wait a week to really be disappointed??? Don't take the fun out of it for him, but better yet have NO EXPECTATIONS at all... let what happens happen. And, if no ring, take that new skillet and whack him one on the head...

Hey, my H asked me "you aren't getting me anything are you" which I, of course, took to mean "cause I certainly am not getting anything for you."