Emotional heavy lifting.

[haphazard]

I just thought about a way of thinking about the stuff we are dealing with right now.

If one of you in a relationship is physically strong, the physically weaker one will call on them to do any heavy lifting around the place (and probably not even question that they should). The physically strong one might occasionally need another strong person to come and give a hand.

Soooo.. if one if you is emotionally weaker they will probably rely on the emotionally stronger one to bail them out too. We resent it but I am wondering if we should just think hey I'm the stronger one I can do this, and if I need any help I can turn to friend to help me out.

Just a thought


Fran

[psluke]

Hey I can say Hi back AND be first one here!

This is what Shiny has said I am supposed to do.


# 1

[psluke]

Boy does that hit me.


But too much of that is a bad thing for yourself and the other person.

But I think the way you posted it is a very good point! The occasional help is good and chances are one of you is going to be stronger than the other.

[odga]

could it be that we are emotionally stronger in dealing with other member's threads, and emotionally weaker in dealing with our own? We can all support and help each other out at some times and get support and help (and an occasional 2x4) when we need it ourselves. jmtcw

[KutieKat]

i think you may be right odga because i feel very detached in other peoples sitch and can see the forest thru the trees, but when i look at my own, it's like all hope is lost

kitti

[sage]

A few years ago my stepmother was complaining that she was the one "doing all the work" in her r. with my dad. She felt as though she was the one identifying problems, fixing them, etc and she resented it. At the time I told her "If you're the one that's good at it, why wouldn't you do it?" -- so akin to her being the "stronger" one in the r.

I still believe that, in part, but my DB'ing has taught me that sometimes it SEEMS like you're the "only one able to do it" in the R. when in fact you're so busy hoisting heavy loads yourself that you miss the point that the other person is growing weaker because they're not getting a chance to flex their muscles!

I guess another way to look at it is this...for a long time I felt like I was the only one doing stuff around the house. that may have been in part because I was just getting there first...so, when I dropped the rope, h started doing stuff too. We've fallen into a sort of much more balanced sitch now...but it's become clear that while I don't mind "doing" the wash, I hate folding it...so...I don't think it's too terrible for him to do that because he's "better" at it than I am. Luckily, he agrees!

I think the same could be true for more R related stuff...maybe it'll turn out that I'm better at some pieces than he is and vice versa but I do think that some sort of balance will come about.

Sage