He may be asking you to do little things for him so he can judge how really important you think an R with him is. My ex has asked me to do many things for her, and I do it willingly, I think it is a way for them to establish contact and hopefully to beging building trust. Anita, please leave the OM alone, it may be painful to break up at this time of year, but come on, you should have allready made him aware that you do not want an R with him, that you desire to be with your H. If he doesn't understand this, then you definetly need to make him aware of it now. How would you H feel if you two get back together and OM is still in the picture?
I know your right elwood. I had a long talk with OM last night, he told me he always felt like a side dish in my life and that he knows I still have feelings for my ex-h and that I put my ex on a pedestal. He was analyzing the relationship correctly, we cried and then I went home. I have been driving around with my air conditioner in my car for about a month. The ex offered to take it up to my apartment, but I said no, that he works hard enough. I don't want him feeling that I am spending time with him so that he can do things for me. He did everything for me when we were married and I want him to see that I am becoming more self suffieient. Don't you ever feel like your a feather in the wind, I guess thats the best way to describe it. I just floating day after day not knowing where I should be or where I will land.
Well, this is a weird one-- Our daughter needs to get her eyes checked so I asked ex to give me his insurance book so I could find an eye dr thats in his plan and then he tells me while I'm making one for her, make one for him. Now I'm making appts for him. When we were marriage I was always the person who made the appts. for physicals/teeth/eyes. I made the appts from work, and well its a small office and people do hear other peoples conversations. I'm on the phone and I didn't want to say "I need to make an appt for my ex-husband or maybe I should of said my daughter's father anyway out of my mouth comes, I need to make an appt for my daughter and my husband! I got off the phone and everyone stopped dead and gave me a little reminder that he is not my husband anymore! Not that I care what they say, but when you think about it, the ex wife making her ex husbands appointments. . . .
Its like he is getting some of the milk from the cow, but is not feeding it? I dont get it. These little things are not really putting you out but they could be too much. I dont know it seems odd to me. Maybe its way of keeping you involved in his day to day stuff?
I was searching for a may to describe my situation and I think you hit it just right!! The old farmer is getting the milk and not feeding it, I mean me! This is a very weird place that I am in. I want to do things so that I can remind in his life and build back trust with him, I know that takes time, but maybe he is not ready yet? I have tickets to a show in January that orginally purchased for me and the OM, but now that that is over I am going to ask my ex-h, if he says yes then I guess thats step one closer but if he says no, then I think that will open up a discussion. We got a ton of snow this weekend. I had our d and he told me he would call me when he got home, he had to plow three houses then help his brother out, d called him and left message. He ended up calling the apt at 11:30 at night. He was like sorry I woke you but I wanted to let you know that I was home.If he didn't care about me, or had someone else, I don't think he would have called me, because, I was going to see him the next morning anyway. I'm stuck and I an't get up!!! I hope all is well with you, I'll check your other stitch
Anita, it all makes since. He doesn't want toshut you out of his life, but he is not ready for you to be in his full time. You can't just want something and then get upset cause it doesn't happen on you time table. Trusts takes a long time to build. Continue doing the small things he asks, and don't expect anything in return. This is a way of showing unconditional love.
yeah, I supose I need to chill out a bit. I made the eye appt for him the same date and time as his dentist. I was writting it on his calendar when I noticed it. I told him don't worry, dentist appt's are hard to get keep that one and I'll reschedule the eye apt. Now that I live in the same town as him, when I drop our D off for dance, I feel compelled to go to his house instead of mine of the hour before I have to go back and pick up D from dance. So I go over there, sometimes he is there sometimes not. He hasn't said why do you come here (i did before, but I lived 45 mins away then) when he is home I make a stupid excuse, like I'm there to drop off D's books and her clothes and while I'm there I make some small talk. I was wondering if I should back off on that or not?
Yes, I would back off, continue doing things that will build trust, afterall, there is a lot of it to do. You may feel used, but he is looking for you to either want to do things for him, or to go back to they way you use to be. do not over persue him, but make yourself available when needed. A visit to his place once in a while is fine, but no pressure.
