Hope you all had fun at the carnival. Its a very good approach to take towards having some good times together. If it works do more of it. Plan some more things to do with D6 and let W join in if she wants to. It worked for me too.
Well the weekend went pretty well. I spent most of Sat. with W and kids. We carved pumpkins, and just hung out. D1 started to get sick so W didnt think she should go to the carnival. She got all ready and then decided it would not be a good idea to go. So it was just me and D6, which was fine we had fun. Came back and rented some movies and watched them.
Sun I heled W move some more. We did kind of have a talk Sun afternoon. Maby some of you can help me figure out what W is thinking.
She said "Mike, I dont know what is going to happen. I wish I could just make a decision, and let you know, and just stick with that. But right now I am so torn between so many different things, that I just dont know." She said "You are welcome to come over and see the girls any time you want, but I have to make some rules." She said "I told the girls that this is their sanctuary, their place and there wont be another roomate. So if you come over you need to leave by 11:00." She said, "If your not sure you want to be in their lives I need to know now, it has to be 100%"
Then she started to cry, and said, "I have done alot of stupid things, and I have to find myself, and put the girls first." She said, "I dont know what is going to happen, but I wont play any games. So many times I wanted to call you and ask you to come over and just hold me. But I didnt want to do that and then go back to being mad at you the next day, I wont play those games."
It didnt go exactly like that, and she was crying at the end. As sonn as she started saying she had done alot of stupid things she got up, and started doing somthing else, and stopped talking.
The whole conversation, I just listened, and validated, and told her I understand. I assured her I was here 100%, and promised her I was going nowhere. I told here that these are just words, but I she gives me time and a chance, I will show her what I say is true. She said she would.
Has anyone had this experience. What is the best way to proceed? I know I need to be careful, things are still touchy.
I think everything went great! Don't push. And keep doing whatever you are doing, because it is working. Since your W says you can go over, do it, but don't over do it. She has set boundaries, so don't in anyway break them!
Sounds very promising to me. BTW welcome to piecing!
Hi Mike~ I agree it sounds like you handled things very well. I'm sure it doesn't seem like it from your prespective as you still have unanswered questions.
Give her time. She needs to work out the details in her own head. Go with what she gives and keep showing her your love.
Big talk coming up tonight. W called and asked if I would come over tonight. To spend time with the girls, and she needs to talk to me. I have no idea what it is about, and Im kind of nervous. There are a hundred different thing she could want to talk about. I guess Ill have to wait and see.
I had a talk with W last night. She had asked me to come over to talk, but when I got there she couldnt talk to me. She said she thought she could do this but she couldnt. But I already knew. So I asked her. Are you pregnant? She said yes.
So my W is pregnant. From the same guy who is the biological father of D1. He is back in jail by the way. This really hurts. More than anything I have ever felt.
But the thing is I still love her. Part of me says just run, get out, and never see them again. But another part doesnt want to do that. I still love her and I still love those two girls. I guess this is where for better or worse really comes in.
I want to be there and I think I can handle this, but she doesnt want me. She said that she could never be with me again. Not because of me, but because of her. She said she cant even bring herself to look at me. I had told her last week, when she said that she has done alot of stupid things since the S, I told her there was nothing she could do to make me stop loving her. I told her this again last night--she just shook her head no, and cried.
I want to be there for them, and I think I can handle this, but not without her, and her support. I need her, with me on this, I just dont know if she wants me.
I asked her what she wanted to do. And she said I dont know. I asked her I she loved me. And she said yes. I asked her if she loved OM. And she said yes. I asked her what she wanted. And she said just for everybody to leave me alone. I asked her if she wanted me to leave her alone. And she said yes. I said forever. And she said yes.
Do you think she feel so guilty she is trying to hurt me enough to make me leave. Because I know she doesnt love OM.
Any help would is greatly needed.
I dont know what to do. I know what I want to do. I want to be with my wife. I just dont know if we can get through this.
At the begining of my separation, my mom told me that the worse thing you can do to someone is give them what they want.
Your wife says she wants you to leave her alone.
You might be right, she really loves you and wants to be with you.
However, if you stay around, she may never realize that she truly wants to be with you. Right now, it sounds like she's projecting all her hurt onto you. If you aren't around, she won't be able to do that for long.
I could be way off base here, but I suggest committing yourself to a certain time of being dark. Can you handle 2 weeks? Set a goal that you think will cause her to wonder!
I hope that helps!
I'm sure others will have some great suggestions too!
Here are my thoughts.... Don't try to make decisions on "forever" right now. She may feel or say or think things right now that are not what is deep down. She just can't see that now because of all the emotions that are on top.
I think she does need some time to be left alone. I could even see where some time away from HER would help you too.
Seems like this is just such an emotionally charged situation right now that it needs some time to subside a bit.
Then the situation as far as what you do is really not much different than it was before. DB, be her friend, be there for her without intruding etc.
