I will concur with what everyone here is saying to you -- but you did say something in your other post that I think is equally important to address:
Quote: Me and my fiance have quality sex we both have an orgasm, usually two. But he still complains. I see people here who make dates for sex or have sex once every 3 months or don't have orgasms at all. What the @#)$*$ is his problem. He led me to believe we are were sexually disfunctional because we aren't having sex for 3 hours straight, 5 times a week, but MOST COUPLES AREN'T!
I think if your H continues in the vein, he is going to continue to sap your desire for sex. Him telling you or implying that you are somehow 'not normal' in the amount of sex you have or want is a spirit killer for the LD spouse.
For you, it seems that no matter what you do or how often you do it, it's never enough. At some point, you are just going to give up and stop trying. At some point, you won't care what statistic he spouts off at you, and you'll care even less if his penis dries up and falls off from lack of use.
You need to sit your H down and tell him that pulling out the statistics and comparing yourselves to what other couples do or don't do is an argument not even worth having. It has no place in your relationship. It doesn't matter what other couples do or don't do, and how often. What matters is what the two of you create together.
You need to tell him how it hurts you to be compared to others, and that when he says these things to you, you feel like you always fall short, that even if he's not intending for it to come out that way, you feel inadequate and unable to satisfy his needs. It's important that he hears this from you, and it is equally important that you know he has heard you.
If you are going to be willing to work on this issue with him, then he needs to meet you half way by being encouraging and appreciative of your efforts.
This is about respect and communication. Respect for yourself, you respecting his needs, and HIS respect for you and your needs. But in order for this to occur, you must have an open and honest dialogue with him. He needs to be far more aware of what is coming out of his mouth and how what he says hurts you far more than he realizes... because right now he is being his own worst enemy and he probably doesn't even know it.
You also spouted off an interesting statistic saying that sex should be about 10% of the marriage. That is true. Sex is about 10% of the marriage, IF everyone's needs are being met. If one or both people's needs are NOT being met, then sex issues become 90% of the marriage.
Respect his needs as valid and worthy of your attention. But he must also respect you, the way he talks to you, and the way he approaches this issue. If the two of you can at least get to this point, I'd say you have a better than average chance of finding a successful solution.
Hey Almost_Married, I wish I had married a large breasted bi-sexual nymphomanic sports fanatic who is a gourmet cook! Oh well tough luck huh!
Everyone else here is being very nice, I'm not nice! You should have used the name NotQuietgrownUp! On the other hand, at least you are trying to address the problem... Good girl! That being said, listen up, It's Quality, not Quantity! Are you marrying a man or a dick? You are probably to young to remember the old Motorola slogan "The Quality goes in before the Name goes on" You need to put in the same quality that he's putting in before you take on his name! After you get your sh!t together, both of you go to an adult novelty store and pick out something you like!
CJ: I don't feel like being nice either, but that is in my nature. Almost, you are going to have to decide SOON what is more important to you...having complete control over this issue or being willing to compromise with a loving and generous heart. If you are not willing to do the latter, then you really have no business getting married to this guy. Sex is a HUGE aspect of marriage. I think it is truly impossible to "quantify" it with percentages, because to you it might be 10% but to your mate it might be 80%. You really have to get out of this mindset that he is WRONG, just as he has to do the same for you. I think that he has a right to expect sex on a more frequent basis than once every 3 weeks, but I also think that you should not be expected to put out, every day 3 times a day. Above all, stop trying to make him feel like a freak for wanting to have sex with you. You are driving a wedge in between the both of you. A person's sexual self is a very integral part of who they ARE. If you are trying to obliterate that part of your partner, then you are skating on thin ice--you will lose a lot more than his interest in you sexually.
I am not even going to comment on the penis size issue, as I do not believe for one instant that were he well hung that you would suddenly want sex 3 times a day. It is an excuse and not a particularly good one either! If you have no sexual attraction to this guy, PLEASE think about entering into a lifelong committment with this person. He deserves to be with a person who feels that way about him.
It may seem like everyone is coming down a little hard on you (lighten up a bit, guys, she's here and she's looking for answers), but on these boards, if you ask a question you are gonna get answers.
Everyone here is speaking from experience, and they give you answers. You may not want to hear the answers, or some answers might seem a little, uh, frank or just downright BLUNT (me being the queen of blunt, I might add), but if you can keep your heart open and listen to the truth, that is what they deliver. AND to top it all off, the advice can actually have profound affects on changing your relationship if you have it in you to check your ego at the door.
I just wanted to make sure that you don't feel like the whole world seems to be coming down on you. Everyone here answers you because they are deeply caring people. We all want to see you succeed, even if it might not sound like it at times. People succeeding here gives us all hope, you know?
Spend some time thinking about what's been said. There is no need to defend yourself because we all know first hand that it takes two people in a relationship to cause a problem, and two people to fix it (don't we all?).
Hang with us. You'll solve this. You obviously are a highly intelligent woman with a great deal of caring in you, as evidenced by the fact that you are here in the first place.
The reason I sounded a bit harsh with her is that her post is not the most sensitive that I've ever read, ya know?! She speaks about her HD fiance as if there is something seriously wrong with him and....just her whole TONE was kindof defiant, so I responded in kind.
To you Almost Married, I am sorry if I came across as harsh. I was going for "blunt" and "stop yourself from making a huge mistake" so I hope it came out a little bit that way!
Seriously, AM, this is a big decision you have ahead of you and NOT one to take lightly. Sex can singlehandedly derail a marriage, no matter how much in love the two folks are who are entering into it.
Let me ask you this: What are you willing to do to make your sex life better, and come to some sort of resolution, before the Big Day? I personally like to read books and that has helped a lot. Also these bulletin boards are great for getting feedback and, above all, lots of talking with your partner. Get--and keep--everything out on the table.
I'm going to disagree with you somewhat here. Quality is absolutely important; having sex with someone who's "only along for the ride" isn't terribly satisfying. On the other hand, on the quantity vs. quality debate, a famous man once said that "Quantity has a quality of its own." [I won't go into who said it because it would detract from the issue here] I'd give my right arm to have my wife passionately seduce me into mind-blowing ecstasy -- but if it was once a year I think I'd be pretty unhappy about 49 weeks out of 52. Anyway, A_M, the point is, and I think you've seen this from others here, the two of you need to come to an agreement as to what you BOTH feel comfortable with. It sounds to me like you've both got some stretching to do here; he needs to learn some more self-control and patience (and a muzzle might occasionally be helpful as well), and you need to learn to be more willing to be there for him. Bottom line, you BOTH NEED TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT IT. But for heaven's sake don't get married until you've got this worked out; vows and rings on your fingers don't suddenly make you different people. Don't get me wrong, I'm very pro-marriage (which is why my wife and I are going on 20 years). However, you need to go in with your eyes wide open. I wish you the best. Good Luck!
HERE is Edward Bear, coming downstairs now, bump, bump, bump, on the back of his head, behind Christopher Robin...sometimes he feels that there really is another way [of coming downstairs], if only he could stop bumping for a moment and think of it.
First question the divorce counsoulr will ask is are you having sex? And you will say what for?
You must have a love life and enjoya and look forward to it. If you don't now, you never will. Stress of work and house building should not significantly change that.
Think about the direction "If you really love him, have sex on demand"...if the thought of that makes you sick. Run for the hills.
You see, for men the directions are "If you really love her, be romantic, help with her chores, bond, be emotional on demand" And if we do really love her, and feel that she will reward us with closensss and physical pleasure we will do that.
Allmost; Don't marry this fellow if you do you will be committing a fraud upon him and you. As time goes on you will regret your decission to marry and you will find it more difficult to keep up with his libido and will become resentfull. He will become very frustrated. Best to try and find someone to match your libido or work on increasing your desire until your confortable that it is close enough to his that you won't regret going forward. Been there done it, time does not cure this problem without WORK. Also if he is that controlling in the bedroom maybe he is in other aspects of life and could cause added conflict in other areas. Just a fools prespective
You should have used the name NotQuietgrownUp! On the other hand, at least you are trying to address the problem... Good girl! That being said, listen up, It's Quality, not Quantity! Are you marrying a man or a dick? You are probably to young to remember the old Motorola slogan "The Quality goes in before the Name goes on" You need to put in the same quality that he's putting in before you take on his name! After you get your sh!t together, both of you go to an adult novelty store and pick out something you like! 
