Quote: But what are the risks? Are they acceptable? Are YOU at the point where you're ready to live with any possible outcome to such an ultimatum?
At this point I am not ready to issue an ultimatum I was just looking at that post and thinking hmmm is this what H is doing now? Running back and forth? I don't think he is anymore, I think he's getting ready to make a decision to come back.
tonight he got here to pick up son a little later than I thought he would. I had plans to go to a movie with a friend and it was getting close to showtime. So H shows up, comes in and asks if son has ate yet, I said no. And then H said it's 6:30 and he hasn't ate yet? I said no, why did you eat? And H said yes! H said he had an eye appointment and that he didn't know how long it would take so he didn't know what time he would get to the house. So silly me couldn't figure out what was taking so long. Well he had dinner with OW. When I talked to him earlier in the afternoon he didn't say that the reason he didn't know what time he was going to be at our house was because he had to take her to dinner!!!!!!!
So he asks about a shirt for son, I said I don't know where it is, but I have to go. He said why do you have to run off? I said I have plans? He said where are you going? I then switched the conversation back to the missing shirt. So H asks again where are you going I said I have plans? He said where? So I finally said I'm going to a movie. What I should have said was "it's homecoming for the univ. this weekend all the exfootball players are in town so gf and me are hitting the bars. I won't go into details, but H would have definitely been nervous!!! Come on I mean here he shows up here, after having dinner with OW, and wants to know where I'm going?? I don't think so.
I will say he was very low key tonight, meaning not a lot of emotion, his anger seems to be fading fast, I will say that. He tries, but he also catches himself and it doesn't last long.
How is it that I now feel that I am above everything and looking down, does that make sense? I'm assuming he had dinner with OW, but it only bothered me for a little bit. Oh I vented in the car on the way to meet my friend, but I also am developing a new perspective on this sitch. Just becuase H is showing babysteps towards me, and really noticeable ones, the OW isn't just going to go AWAY like I EXPECT. H is not going to just stop seeing her, since he does live with her... for now anyways. He doesn't pay her anything to live there, uses her utilities, her toys, and her so I'm sure he feels he owes her something--I hate it when I defend H. Until H is ready to tell OW IT'S OVER, he's not going to stop doing things with her...right?
H is really struggling now and I have to let him get through it on his own so am not going to REACT or push.
Shiny, I am not going to give him an ultimatum at all. When I decide it's time for me to move on, I will move on and then I won't look back, it'll be too late. And that time hasn't come yet and I haven't really decided when that time will be either.
Well I haven't checked in sooner because I just home from H's parents house! I was venting on Friday night, but now it seems like things have turned around once again.
Went to the football game yesterday, it was great, but my team lost. It was a great game and a great day and I was so outgoing. Now if you know me really well, that's not me. I was talking to strangers, high fiving at the game, just had a great day at the game!!
After the game I was going to pick up son at H's parents. Called H, left message on cell phone he called right back. I asked if he watched the game, if he went hunting, he hurt his back so he didn't know if he was going last night. I said, oh you going to come back tonight and bring son. H said I don't know what I'm doing. There was a pause and he asked if I was staying. I said well I didn't pack anything. I was just at the exit to the house so I could have stopped, but H wouldn't say if he was coming back so I just said I'd be there in little while.
They were both taking a nap when I got, there son got up and came down to see me. He was still sleeping so I went up to see him, he grabbed me and fooled around and H said "you don't need anything to stay" and then he got up. We ate dinner, H asked if I was staying again and I said yes I was and he said well let's go buy you a toothbrush and I can get some ibubrofen.
After that we drove around shining deer. My son and H love it and so do I. Some of my gf's can't believe I do such a thing let alone hunt, but I really do enjoy it.
We did ml after son went to sleep, H didn't sleep with me, which was fine. He slept with son so he wouldn't fall out of bed or maybe he just didn't want to stay with me, but that's okay for now.
It was a very family oriented, like old times evening at his parents. H was very low key and very nice. So normal.
Oh I know baby steps, baby steps, no expectations. He's coming around, but I can't be sure if he's going to bolt, to I have to sit very still now.
When I was there, with H last night. It came to me that OW has no idea that H was with me and I kind of felt bad for her, but then realized that's the difference between her and me I have morals and values. I also like to think I know when I'm crossing the line. I'm NOT crossing the line, he's my H. He's my H and she IS crossing the line.
Okay, Cathy, let's sit here together on the curb and watch. I'll hold your hand if you hold mine. Just not too many margaritas... although I THINK maybe it helped with a possible peeking out of the tunnel. My H was HIMSELF for hours last night. Cuddling, hugging, loving. Maybe he wasn't sure if he could come home, and I told him repeatedly last night.
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Quote: . It came to me that OW has no idea that H was with me and I kind of felt bad for her, but then realized that's the difference between her and me I have morals and values. I also like to think I know when I'm crossing the line. I'm NOT crossing the line, he's my H. He's my H and she IS crossing the line.
Come on I mean here he shows up here, after having dinner with OW, and wants to know where I'm going?? I don't think so.