Hi I am new here. I am 38 years old and my husband of 13 years is 33. A year and a half ago, or sex life came to an abrupt stop. My husband all of a sudden decided he didnt need or want sex anymore. I asked him about it and everytime I mention it he blows up at me and tells me I am nothing but a sex maniac. He has tried to hurt me by sating there was never anything special to our sex life and that really hurt. I can remember him wanting sex alot. I have approached him 3 times about this and each time he throws it back in my lap saying I am the one wanting it all the time. I get NO affection from him. I occasionally get a kiss or hug, and its sad to say but I feel excited about that. As far as our bedroom, It is like we are roommates. I just want my old hubby back. I have been very patient with him and I am waiting for the day he will suddenly want me again. Meanwhile I have my friends and family telling me it is not normal for him to be like this. I have shrugged it off as stress on his part because he got a job as a fireman 2 years ago. Thats when everything started going downhill. I know he is not having an affair, because I know where he is all the time. Im at my witts end. i wonder if there is something better out there for me or do I stay with him and ride it out and wait for him to wake up and smell the coffee. I need advice please!!! Thanks :confused:
Hey Sugarbugz - just wanted to say welcome from a fellow Okie. Your problems sound very much like mine, although somewhat reversed, so given our proximity I hope that my problems aren't contagious! Actually, I am very sorry about the problems that you're dealing with as I know exactly how you feel, but this is a good place to be if you're searching for answers. With regard to our situations being reversed, I'm 33 and my wife is 37, and I'm the high desire spouse while she's low desire. You had a lot more years of a good sex life in your marriage than I did as mine came to a halt soon after tying the knot over 6 years ago. But as far as how your husband reacts and how it makes you feel I know right where you're coming from. I don't have much to offer in the way of advice at the moment (considering that I haven't found the solution yet) but I can tell you that you'll get a lot of great advice from the people on this forum. Good luck.
It sounds like your H has some deep buried resentments that are just now bubbling to the surface. If he is unwilling or unable to talk about it, I think your best bet is counseling. It only takes one of you to change to help save a marriage.
In addition to the SSM book, you might want to get Michele's Divorce Busting book, and learn about doing what she calls a 180. (Not that I think you'll end up divorced... but this is an issue that can quickly lead you there.)
Just remember that you cannot change him, you only have the power to change yourself. And by changing yourself, he will change... he has no choice.
Quote: Hi I am new here. A year and a half ago, or sex life came to an abrupt stop. My husband all of a sudden decided he didnt need or want sex anymore. . . I have shrugged it off as stress on his part because he got a job as a fireman 2 years ago. Thats when everything started going downhill. I know he is not having an affair, because I know where he is all the time. Im at my witts end. i wonder if there is something better out there for me or do I stay with him and ride it out and wait for him to wake up and smell the coffee. I need advice please!!! Thanks
Hi Sugarbugz:
Welcome to the board, although I'm sorry your situation brings you here.
From your message it seems like you've hit the nail on the head. I imagine that your H's profession is one of the most stressful there is. I'm not familiar with benefits offered to firefighters, but might there be an avenues open to your H to help deal with the stress involved?
You wrote:
Quote: I have been very patient with him and I am waiting for the day he will suddenly want me again.
I don't think it will suddenly happen without help and from the rundown you gave us it sounds like the stress of his new job is getting to him.
Keep posting and try to read The Sex-Starved Marriage. It contains a lot of useful information.
