Quote: 75% of Divorces are filed by the wife and many go to another man. So I DON'T BUY it that women are on the short side of this.
could that be because it is more likely that the man will be the one to leave but will not file for divorce? Leaving the woman no option if she wants to move on with her life?
Just an observation here on the BB. Men that leave seem less likely to file (their wives eventually do it) v's women who leave who usually file.
could that be because it is more likely that the man will be the one to leave but will not file for divorce? Leaving the woman no option if she wants to move on with her life?
what about the large number of Walk away Wives talked about here? And your premise does not match up with my observation in my business. (which I deal with a fair number of people about many things in their lives)
Sorry, folks, I don't get the 'point' to this discussion. If y'all are taking care to make your marriages the best they can be, what the hell does it matter who's getting a bad rap, and what percentage of who are saying what about whom?
Corri; I want you to understand I agree about trying to make our marriges better. You have made some very insightful responses to folks.
This thread is about the 20/20 feature and not nessary about anyones sit here. Society and what gendar rolls are and replacing gendar bias from men to women do have an impact on all of us. I feel to ignore that fact is not to look at the world in a proper light. Can we overcome that in our personal lives.....proablly......does it affect our lives.....yes. Am I gal bashing or WB (woman bashing) no, I love women, I hate what society has done to the relationship between couples. The only way change happens is by seeing the problem exists. Do I blame what has happen in my R on our society.......a small amount, most the blame rests on my shoulders and some on my wifes. If we stumble in the dark and fail to find the light switch life is harder than needs be. I for one want to see what is going on.
Yes, there are all sorts of double standards. There are all sorts of prejudicies and biases. And they ALL suck.
And when people truly learn to be personally accountable for their own thoughts, feelings and actions, I think our society in general will go a very long way in erradicating most of that kind of behavior.
CeMar, Just wanted to say the Lostlove made some really good points. I'd like to comment on the reason why I think there is that double standard ok? Remember,I'm not saying that any double standard is right, just asking you, for a moment, to step into the woman's shoes. In our society, historically,the TV sitcom version, the man is always after the wife for sex who then 'meters' it out to him . (Everybody Loves Raymond) We all buy into this a little bit. We marry, have a great sexual R. IF the woman in the R starts withhholding, the man tends to outerdirect his anger and resentment. IF he tells his buds, they all shake their heads in concurrance: she's a bitch or women do that for control, or we men NEED sex, they want 'feelings'. In other words, the man is actually MORE of a man because he is macho and sexually driven. His wife withholding isn't about him being a man... Now lets reverse: when a man starts withholding sex from his wife, it 'isn't the way we are told it should be' Instead of outerdirecting our resentment at first, we feel so hurt and afraid: why doesn't he desire me, why won't he hold me and love me, what is wrong with me. We inner direct most often...the pain of rejection pretty much kills our self esteem and hope. Depression usually follows and then: the nag, the bitch, the critical wife appears. This isn't an excuse for the behavior. The truth is that there ARE gender based differences. And how men and women respond to their partners withholding sex is different, and culturally driven by 'normal expectations' My H's withholding hurt me so badly for so long that I don't think I can recover. He only saw the critical wife that developed...wouldn't acknowledge that there might have been a causal reason for it happening after 10 years of a non critical wife....seemed perplexed that the wife changed, but wouln't consider why or how it happened..no accountability. I don't think that in the 20-20 show BOTH wives were considering leaving were they? I thougnht the one whose husband had a psych problem with an attractive,exotic dancer wife was, but the nagging wife (and boy was she) seemed to revert back as soon as her H was able to 'SEE' how his withholding hurt her and changed her. I thought Michele told that woman up front: no one is sexually stimulated by criticism so STOP IT.
Anyway, please don't think I am excusing bad behavior....only asking that you try to find out the reasons behind what is driving the behavior, and then go from there.
GD1, First, you make the comment that men EXPECT their women to turn them down. Actually, I never expected my wife to become LD. I never really expected to be rejected as often as I have. Since my wife has lost her desire, THAT IS A PERSONAL REJECTION OF ME. Men are SUPPOSED to be able to please a woman, that is really the whole point of making love. A wifes rejection of her man is JUST as serious as the other way around. I would consider either situation to be REALLY bad.
I believe to that before these couple were given their treatments, that BOTH women said they would leave.
As for normal expectations, the worst one of these is women who just assume that womens sex drives diminish. From reading these boards, it has become clear to me that while a good share of women do lose their sex drives, there are many HD women on here that would LOVE to have sex 3 times a week, even later in life. What I would like to know is why do half the women have desires that plumet out of sight, while the other haf keep theirs. Course the same is true on the male side, but it just does not happen with same frequency.
