i had seen the 20/20 segment.i just don't understand how to get over the fact that the man i love and absolutely love making love to, no longer has the desire. once that guy(on 20/20) made himself do it (as the book states that once you start you end up enjoying yourself) he still isn't desiring you? how do you get past feeling he is having obligatory sex?
Hi, I don't know if you can relate to this, but my H was acting less interested, and like he didn't care, etc. We had many round and rounds about it. What came out was that my getting upset turned him off & it took him a few days to warm up (he needs an emotional connection), he feels like whatever he does doesn't make me happy, he felt controlled by me, he felt pressured by me. He felt like he couldn't say no b/c I would cry.
Furthermore, I was initiating most of the time b/c I was afraid that if I didn't, it would never happen. That's not true. I just wasn't giving him the CHANCE to initiate b/c I was always in his pants! If you back off, it might give him the opportunity to stir up some of his desires. Lookin' good and smelling good help, take care of yourself.
And Oh, I have a secret: Even if you don't believe it, walk around thinking in your head that you are sexy, beautiful, and HOT. Somehow that sends vibes. Then believe it.
Elizli. Hello. Allow me to jump into your thread from a guy’s perspective. I also watched 20/20 the other night and I saw myself there. I was everything the guy you mentioned was. Just a brief synopis. Over the past year and a half, my W and I did not have sex.. Our home is full of stress. Mostly the money kind. To help out, my W decided to get a second job while I did the Mr. Mom thing. As time went by, I saw less and less of my W.
I began to miss her greatly. But like a fool, I turned this into anger against her. Combine that with the money problems I “FEEL” she caused, we began to grow apart. I was looking some of the bullet points for Sex Starved Marriage and I saw my W there. Over the past year, she has told me she doesn’t feel pretty, she doesn’t feel as if she can fulfill me, she has built a massive wall around herself to stop the feelings of rejection. She also told me she believes I’m having an affair. I think with the help of her friends. I didn’t realize what damage I was causing as I was stuck in a fog of depression and anger. On 8-15-03, I lost my job, on the evening of 8-15-03. My wife told me she wanted a D. She said it was over and she doesn’t love me anymore. She then said she is so number she has shut herself down and doesn’t feel anything. I’m trying the DR and DB methods to get her back with mixed results. At least we’re still in the same house. I don’t know how to make her feel that I do love her and I think she’s beautiful. A month before D-day, we made attempts at sex. A few days before D-day, we were intimate too. As you’re in this position, do you have any advice on not only showing someone who has told me she doesn’t want any physical contact with me that I do find her attractive and I do love her. My fantasies have been filled with her and only her over the past 8 weeks.
My situation may be similar to your husband’s. My anger with my wife shut down my libido. I would never dishonor my ring and cheat so I took care of myself. I will say my desire for her returned in a flash on a Sunday morning as she was leaving to sun with her friend. Looking back, this was the day after we actually had a nice evening out (granted the kids were in Florida) and actually cuddled for the first time in over a year. I guess the newness of not having the kids around brought me around. Unfortunately, it was too little too late. I have hopes and prayer for my marriage.
I will say as hard as it may be don’t build shields around your heart. Keep it open for the day your husband returns to you.
