I had posted initially in Infidelity but Dagny suggested I move over here. It seems that my sitch is getting better and your collective experience in the M reconstruction business will be needed.
To summarize: m 12 years, 1 D4. Separated 3/19/03. Bomb 5/7/03: he has had a 5 y EA with an employee. He had left her 4/20 but still works with her. I discovered DB/DR in Aug, he moved back in 8/17/03. Piecing since I guess... my optimistic self (self-deprecating ).
One hopeful event which ends my other post. We went to the movies last night. ('Once upon a time in Mexico': great for anger management; they kill about 2 people every minute for no particular reason, but it is fun). With Jackie's advice in mind, I told H that I appreciated the effort he was making and he answered "it is no effort". So I seems we are piecing after all...
If only I could get rid of the OW's shadow presence... At least I am getting better at not mentioning it . Glass half full...
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
I haven't read your other thread but have seen you posting on others threads here and if your clear thinking there is any indication, you are doing great!!
Since I'm not here might not be a good judge but it sounds like you are piecing to me!!!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
I'm glad you are here! How has it been going? I'm glad you are getting some positive feedback from him. That has to feel good. Keep on focusing on the positives!
Hi Optimist! I agree, after reading your thread, Peicing is a good place for you to be!
I think you will get a lot from reading back through many of the threads here. I was a bit intimdated at first about posting here, until some suggested I read thier early threads..and then I saw how much they had been through to get to the place they are now.
Thank you all for your welcome. More journaling: We continue the long trek to recovery. Yesterday was good, we went to the birthday party for one of our neighbors and H was very openly affectionate (which for him means he grabbed and stroked my hand in public, do not think more). We left around midnight and walked home with a couple of friends who stayed chatting and drinking some wine up to around 2:30 a.m. Then we snuggled together until 3 (alas, only snuggled...) So this morning I was not very human...
We both work this weekend, so H left early to work and picked our D to take her ice skating. Then he brought her home and waited until I finished to go back and finish his work. I acknowledge I have some qualms about his 'work' but I am too tired and sleepy. He kept asking what was up with me, but I really, really just felt tired. I am most empathically not a morning person! I think he left convinced that I was not upset, though.
In any case I cannot go to sleep because my D would be left alone in the house, so I am sublimating my impulses in the BB. I hope my brain does not fall asleep while I am posting in someone else's post.
We'll see how the rest of the weekend goes...
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
OK I have a plan. I am more and more tired of not knowing what is going on with this OW and my H's office. After a lot of thinking I am trying to find a moment to address the issue.
Now what I have planned to do: it is a bit over a month since he moved in again and I am waiting for a good moment to ask him to set a time to talk (I always do the talking on my time and place, so asking for an appointment would be a 180). Then I will calmly tell him that I appreciate his efforts and see hopes for our R but that our M cannot heal while that woman is in the picture. I plan to ask him nicely what does he think we can do to achieve that goal and to please keep me in the loop of how things are (another 180: I always tell him what to do and how to do it). I suspect he is going to say "I don't know," in which case I will say "Think about it and let me know", change the subject and not come back to it for another couple of weeks. What do you think? Am I scared of blowing the bubble up but on the other hand I feel I am becoming paranoid...
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
This night owl slept in til nearly 2 p.m. today...not exactly smart when I have to be up at 7:30 tomorrow!
Tell me, have you checked out any of Talista's threads? The OW in her sitch works with her H as well. She'll have LOTS of insights on this one I'm sure.
Personally, I think the approach you outlined sounds good. It is not overwhelming, not controlling, not TELLING him what to do...just outlining that this IS a problem that needs solving.
Why not post to Tal and ask for her feedback?
(If you want a REAL howl...check back on Tal's thread to about July to see the stunt she and her H pulled AT the OFFICE to put OW firmly in her place )
Thanks, Shiny, I will go look her up. I worked until 3 am last night (today?) and I am barely human. H tried to let me sleep late but left for work and our D came into the room: no way to sleep after that. I do envy you (huge yawn)
I will check Talista's threads
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
).
At least I am getting better at not mentioning it 
