Hi Crazy Jim (and everyone), well I guess you are not a genius, but in a crazy way your advice has helped me lol. So Thankyou very much. If you weren't wearing that strange jacket with no arms I would shake your hand - and if you weren't wearing that mask I'd kiss ya.
When I couldn't follow your advice I started acting a little crazy myself. I thought "My God, you wuss you have to do something about this" so I went out bought myself a gun...no, no just kidding. Well you can guess I wrote my H a letter and told him I wanted to be honest from now on, and to look at the site. Then I went out and left it for him to find. OMG it was the WORST afternoon of my LIFE. I was so worried, I was walking about, I didn't know what to do with myself. He didn't get back from work till late so I was waiting for hours. I thought he's going to be really upset and angry about all this, what am I doing???
So I had asked him to call me (on my mobile phone) when he finished reading it all but when he did I just couldn't answer it. I couldn't even speak, I had to send him a text message. We exchanged a few messages, rather cryptic on his part since he hates texting. I was still worried he was cross with me so I sent one asking "are you cross?" which he did not answer. Arrgh. I started going home anyway since I figured he had a right to be annoyed. Then suddenly he sent me another text saying "not cross was having a shower".
So there you are he took it all in his stride. I was the one who got upset. But he was really very nice about the whole thing. We didn't really talk we just hugged. Then we ordered a pizza and watched TV. You know I said I wanted things to change, I wanted to talk more; but really I was just so glad I could do that and tell him all that stuff and afterwards everything could be nice and normal and we could have a laugh and be friends same as ever. I expect there's some kind of a lesson there, isn't there?
Well I suppose I don't want things to be totally the same as they were before. I need to keep up some kind of momentum. There are some improvements I need to make in my own behaviour. I still find it just as hard to be open. Somehow it is easier for me to write openly, so perhaps I will carry on with the letters. Also I need to get myself together a bit more. I have a tendancy to let things I know I should do slide. It's all so much effort and it's easier not to bother. I mean I'm happy enough with my disorganized mess etc. It annoys me sometimes but I think about something nice and the annoyance just goes away.
Maybe these are things I should do for myself, not to please my H, but to be honest he's the only thing that does make it worth the effort. But it's still difficult not to slip back into my old ways. Any advice on being wonderfully efficient? Ok that's never going to happen (lets be honest here, and the 28 day detox diet lasted 1.5 days if you don't count the chocolate biscuit I ate on the first morning) but maybe I can force myself to do the dishes every day if I really try.
But things are looking up, so now I shall be able to say my marriage was helped by lesbians and a crazy swinger.
Not much to say at the mo. Don't know what to do next. The house stuff has started back up again too. It's very annoying since we had totally withdrawn from the sale. Then the solicitor contacted us to say everyone was ready to exchange if we would change our mind. So we had a big think and worked out the finances again and decided to go back to it. Well that was a week ago and still nothing. Gaaa!!
Here is a joke:
A young couple gets to the gates of heaven. They were just about to get married before they passed away so they asked St Peter if they can get married in heaven. He says "Well it's a little unusual but I'll see what I can do" then he goes off and the couple have to hang about in limbo for about 3 months.
At last he returns and says their wish can be granted. The man says "Thanks but what if it doesn't work out, is it still forbidden to get a divorce?"
St Peter gets really angry and goes all red and the couple rush to apologise. "I'm really sorry," says the man "I just wondered if the rules were different here but I know it's a sin and I love my fiancee anyway so I won't even consider it any more" "It's not that," says Peter "but it's taken me this long to find a priest up here, how long's it going to take to find a lawyer"
If you are up for a real gut wrenchting experience, have you and H sit facing each other in comfortable chairs, and hold hands, and stare in to each others eyes.
Then all statements start with I feel, let H know you are not asking him to defend himself, just how he feels. This is very intense, and will get results.
No bullSh!t, that sounds like it could get very intense! This might work for normal people, Jiji, give a shot. I couldn't do it, knowing me, I would be like the guy in the shrinks office lookin at ink blots...
Dr.- What do you see? Me - A Womens breast! Dr.- How about this one? Me - Both breasts. Dr.- And this one? Me - You with womens breasts...
Quote: This might work for normal people, Jiji, give a shot.
Glad you think I'm normal CJ but there's no way.
Quote: let H know you are not asking him to defend himself, just how he feels
I thought that's what I had to do!! "Darling, I can't help feeling this way- you're just so good looking!"
No, no sorry to take the mick. I appreciate your suggestions keep making em. I shall ignore any rude ones (as will my H ignore any rude ones of mine).
Last night we did have a little talk actually. It was a bit awkward tho. I have been feeling a bit up in the air since our original thing with the letters. I guess I was hoping for more of a response. And now I've been thinking about it so much I'm feeling even more frustrated than ever. So I was getting a little pushy, saying "so do you think you will feel a bit less tired this weekend then" (he always says the reason he doesn't fancy it is because he is too tired), he gave some non commital response and then even tho I knew better I brought it up again a few minutes later and he got a little annoyed, and said something like "let's just see what happens shall we"
Sometimes I find he thinks things I say over and even if he gives me an unhelpful response at the time, later he will seem to have taken my point. So maybe he will be interested by the time we get to the w/end but I don't want to start getting my hopes up.
So not sure what to do there. As for the house I've been told it will probably be done by Friday. Who knows if this is true. My H says we should go out and shoot all the lawyers and then go live in one of their houses.
Quote: Sometimes I find he thinks things I say over and even if he gives me an unhelpful response at the time, later he will seem to have taken my point. So maybe he will be interested by the time we get to the w/end but I don't want to start getting my hopes up. If you think you are, then you are pushing, as dr phil say, "is this working for you" me thinks not.
You mentioned about him on the computer, I use to use the pc so XW would not bother me.
Have you read, William Harley on joint argeeent. Were each needs are met by mutual compromise.
