I am thankful that D is doing so well these days. She has chosen to spend a bit more time with W recently and I believe that is healthy for both of them. I’m being neutrally supportive of their relationship. Not taking responsibility to facilitate and not blocking. Not bad-talking W. And I’m here for D and honor her as a young woman with her own priorities and choices about what kind of a relationship she chooses with each of us parents.
Yesterday on the drive home with S from our day in the mountains, I initiated a conversation to express my hopes that S and his mom have a healthy positive relationship. I said that he has choice in how and when he interacts with her just as he does with me. I told him that I want him to know that she loves him and also that I am doing well. I also let him know that I want him to be free to share his feelings honestly with each of us. He said thanks and did not choose to continue the conversation but it was interesting (it’s a long drive) to me that he initiated lots of discussion with me talking warmly about our family (siblings and extended family members) and discussed a lot of what he values in family relationships and friendships. S is a fine young man with maturity, convictions and integrity and an honor to me. He is also very respectful and affectionate towards grandparents and also towards grandparents his close friends.
W didn’t come up in conversation at any other point during the day. I enjoyed an incredible day together with my son doing one of the things we love.
Went out with friends for a games night last night. So much fun! Exercising and getting chores and housework done today. D has been out of town with friends for a couple days. She and a friend are getting back this evening and will join W and I at a community event that we are helping to host.
I’m looking forward to a great time of fun tonight and have spent some time working though some feelings. Going without expectations of W and setting aside any agenda except to enjoy community and be an outgoing fun and welcoming host.
Definitely still processing and discerning how to navigate these things. Been going there in therapy.
W and I at a community event that we are helping to host. .
Hi Rockon.
I get the impression that your W gets to continue to do family stuff with you. which runs the risk of kiling her attraction to you, putting you in the friend zone, making W lose less respect for you, etc. as I’ve heard stated on here before, if she gets to continue to do stuff with the family, why change? I’m just afraid if you want the marriage to end up lasting and you keep going this route it won’t happen. 😟
M:51 W:43 T:17 M:15 S:13 D11 10/2022 BD/IHS 03/2023 W moves out
Valid points Dats that I am considering. I’m not going for friendship. I am going for family and looking after myself and hoping to restore our M but I don’t have any indication that’s what W wants so I’m continuing to move forward and consider what how and whether to participate in family events with W. Glad I did tonight. It meant a lot to D. And I enjoyed the community.
Don't normally advise or pass comment because of my failure but..... played happy families with WW throughout, apart from when she was with OM (all prior to finding this site). Needless to say didn't end well.
Valid points Dats that I am considering. I’m not going for friendship. I am going for family and looking after myself and hoping to restore our M but I don’t have any indication that’s what W wants so I’m continuing to move forward and consider what how and whether to participate in family events with W. Glad I did tonight. It meant a lot to D. And I enjoyed the community.
I hope the best for you and you your family. continue to looking after yourself. This divorce stuff [censored]. Hardest thing I’ve done.
M:51 W:43 T:17 M:15 S:13 D11 10/2022 BD/IHS 03/2023 W moves out
Really enjoyed the community event last night in support of a great organization that means a lot to our family. W and I were a team for a few hours. After I sorted through some feelings earlier in the day, set aside any agenda other than what the evening was for, acknowledged my pain and anger and let it go, I was able to enjoy the evening and focus on what we were there for with zero expectations of W. Afterwards, I said good bye to W and went out dancing with friends.
Church with D this morning and then a big walk with a friend.
W called this afternoon to discuss S’s health care and expressed some frustration and worries. I validated and supported. She also expressed some disappointments in me in my communication. I listened. I validated and accepted her feelings and agreed with what I could agree with. She went on to “pile on” some of her historical disappointments in me. I acknowledged, didn’t deflect, minimize or get defensive. She also voiced hurt that our Kids are talking to me and not her.
