I can relate to your sitch. I really struggled with detachment. I was obsessed with my ex and analyzed every thing she said, did etc. It was torture for me.
I did end up getting her back eventually after I went pitch black no contact for months on end(she left again 10 months later). I had to delete her phone number, unfriend her on social media, delete every picture I had of her etc. I forced myself to not look her up online. Basically I had to pretend that she had passed away.
Going no contact was truly a life saver. Not knowing what she was doing, or who she was doing it with really helped me. I started lifting weights and took up mountain biking and started to regain my confidence again. I can't stress how important the gym is, I still go 5x a week and I will continue going until I'm physically unable.
I havent spoken to my ex in almost 3 years and my life is so much better than it was when we were together.
Today I guess I’m looking for comments from people who have a success story, people men or women who have been on this board and have had a long haul but finally are in a good place and reconciled.
Today I guess I’m looking for comments from people who have a success story, people men or women who have been on this board and have had a long haul but finally are in a good place and reconciled.
Dink most of those people are long gone. One of my best friends parents reconciled after 35 years of divorce.
Hey Thornton, if I may ask what happened in your situation?
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I guess a success story can be many things. Any one have positive things happen in the Divorce Busting relationships? Any one have movement in reconciliation? Any one have GAL success stories?
Any one have and good things happening in general? Just looking for positive stuff this Easter I guess
May reconciled after a PA and Steve reconciled after an EA. I reconciled with my partner for about 2 years after BD. I went through a pleading stage, a Mr. Fixer stage, and a Talky phase.. before finally finding the strength of "You control you, I control me", validation, and boundaries. Those gave us a second spark. Then the flame blew out and I moved on a year ago.
Yesterday I did an Easter egg hunt with my kids, led a community Easter egg hunt, spent the evening at my BFF's house grilling burgers, then called my GF before bed? Life goes on. My dream of a nuclear family is over; new dreams surfaced. I've decided that would be enough. Look around, look around at how luck we are to be alive today. I still have a lot to smile about.
How she can juggle Two guys talking to and a job and family and whatever else is mind boggling.
Most likely, she is doing more than this. No need for you to "Confirm" or Understand" anything else. Just know the stove is hot. Stop touching it. Every time you touch it, you will get burned.
You are walking down the wrong path. There are two paths. Focus on her, or focus on yourself.
Originally Posted by Dink
Today I guess I’m looking for comments from people who have a success story, people men or women who have been on this board and have had a long haul but finally are in a good place and reconciled.
The weekend was amazing.
You have a big onion to peel. One layer at a time. I am still peeling back layers and I have been divorced for over 10 years.
One of those layers is learning as much as you can about attraction and seduction and the difference between the two. Your wife lost her attraction for you. You can learn new attractive ways to behave. You can drop the unattractive behaviors. You do this not for her, but for yourself. Make a list. refine the list as needed.
For example, most likely you are loosing weight ..the divorce diet. Start hitting the gym and start eating a healthier diet. You will become more physically attractive.
I could have reconciled a few different times. Some real some fake. It didn’t matter though. I never deserved what happened to me. Let alone my kids, but specifically me. I personally didn’t think she or our marriage was worth the struggle. I honestly don’t know if I ever would have trusted her again. Once I moved on from panic of losing control of my life, I knew it was never going to be ok with her.
I’m happier than I ever have been. I’ve learned so much and grew even more. I wouldn’t change the pain, tears, horrible thoughts for anything. Because I woke up one day and I knew I was going to be ok and get through this. Whether is was by myself or not.
I hope I’m not coming off harsh with my previous posts. My goal isn’t to be rude or sugar coat. My goal is to get people to take back the control of their own life they deserve. Once you do that, drop the rope, you’ll know what to do and you’ll make the correct choices to get there.
Me: 40 EX:37 Together 17 years Married 16 years 5 kids, 20,18,15,14,11
Dink if you feel you can handle it without letting your emotions get the best of you then meet with her and try to agree to a settlement. If not then tell her to email you want she wants and you can look it over and get back to her.
