As others have said, you are talking way way to much with her right now. All you decisions are based off fear and emotions and not logic.
Every time you engage in a conversation with her, her attraction will lessen. Is that your goal?
Let phone calls go to voice mail. Listen to it on your own time. Use EMAIL as your primary mod of communication. Keep it about "Business only" filter out all of the emotional.
Write emails to her. The send this text "I sent you an Email"
This is a good email to send her first: "W, with all that is going on, I believe it is best if we communicate via email from this point forward"
That is YOUR BOUNDARY. she can call and text you all day long. You only send her emails. Then the text "I sent you an email"
I have a bankers box full of all the communication I had with my X. I have all our agreements. I had all the time in the world to read and process hers as well as draft up mine, let it sit. Edit it. Let it sit. Then send when I was ready.
You have it soo much easier that your kids are out of the house.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Well, I did it today, I told all three kids and their spouse that their mom and I decided to part ways. All of them were very surprised saying that thought things were some much better with us. I went to three separate house and talked with each couple.
I kept it short and to the point and did answer a few question, and when something came up I wasn’t sure about, I just said unfortunately I just don’t know at this time. Lots of sadness, tears and emotions, but I feel a weight lifted off my heart somewhat. Since getting back home my heart is very sore and depressed but I know better days must be ahead. I told them that their mom would probably be reaching out to them tomorrow to talk with them. I said we decided to do it separately, as we felt last time with everyone all together became very overwhelming with emotions, people reacting to other people crying and such and felt this was a better approach. The said that they agree about that as well. I never thought in a million years I would be have these same conversations twice, especially in three years.
Yeah it was. I texted after I was done with all three as we agreed to the day before and said I was done. Now the ball,is in her court to talk with them.
All part of the rollercoaster, Dink. It sounds like you did well with the conversations sharing the news. That parts over. Peak emotions hit and then down you go.
What has you struggling the most?
H37, W37 D4, S2 ILYBNILWY 9/19 BD 9/19 EA discovered 10/19 Currently in limbo, no D or S process initiated
Just sadness that this is the second time in 3 years doing this, last time we told them my birthday 51st Bday and this time it’s one week from our 30th wedding anniversary. You spend 2/3rds of your life with some and your family, and in a blink of an eye it’s all gone.
Sorry man. I think this was the right approach. But I understand the tough emotions. Having others know makes it real and that reality sets in. But as you said, better days are ahead. Just keep taking one day at time, keep your head up, and keep working on you. Exercise, eating right, staying busy will all goal long way.
We're here for you, too!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
You spend 2/3rds of your life with some and your family, and in a blink of an eye it’s all gone.
This is how I saw it too and this does sound difficult. It is difficult. Logically it's not all gone. You have memories, kids. But us men especially view time together as a bond, as loyalty, as strength. The time together means alot. To the WW or WAW, its about the current feeling.
I imagine there is a lot of disappointment you are contending with. You writing is smart, it will help. I never thought I'd say this as a man but one of the things that helped me most when I did a little counseling was when my counselor named the feeling I had. WTH, how just hearing one word helped is crazy. The point here, is that getting it out makes it a little easier. And in the tough times, a little easier goes a long way.
H37, W37 D4, S2 ILYBNILWY 9/19 BD 9/19 EA discovered 10/19 Currently in limbo, no D or S process initiated
