3 years later

[DavidUK]

I thought I woukd come back to give an update. Separation was 3 years ago. WW has been saying and doing anything to get what she wants.

WW has been found guilty of regularly breaking court orders for the kids to see me and as a result it looks like it could be changed become 50/50.

In the financial court, WW was found to be telling lots of lies and has been ordered to supply more financial details. She has continued to refuse to do so (as she has hidden lots of money) so is breaching court orders and now refusing to cooperate with the court and legal teams.

Ex has gone from looking incredibly happy and rushing to divorce when we separated to incredibly sad and refusing. Whereas for me it has been quite the opposite. I am now often happier than when I was when with WW.

So still not divorced.

[BL42]

DavidUK,

I'm not familiar with your sitch, but...

I thought I woukd come back to give an update. Separation was 3 years ago. WW has been saying and doing anything to get what she wants.

3 years. Wow. That's a long time. That must be frustrating.

WW has been found guilty of regularly breaking court orders for the kids to see me and as a result it looks like it could be changed become 50/50.

Must be a relief to get more time with your kids - potentially losing half my kids' lives was the scariest part for me in my sitch.

Ex has gone from looking incredibly happy and rushing to divorce when we separated to incredibly sad and refusing. Whereas for me it has been quite the opposite. I am now often happier than when I was when with WW.

So still not divorced.

Sounds like your and your W's perspectives have flipped - are you pushing the D at this point?

[DavidUK]

Yes, it's now me pushing for divorce.

The problem at the moment is that ex is refusing to provide financial info that the court has ordered her to provide.

Previous Thread:

OK here's goes first post...

[Traveler]

WW has been found guilty of regularly breaking court orders for the kids to see me and as a result it looks like it could be changed become 50/50.

In the US, 50/50 custody is the default. Sorry if it's different in the UK. What were the penalties for being "found guilty"--fines, mandated courses, probation, jail-time? Hopefully, the penalties are enough to matter.

In the financial court, WW was found to be telling lots of lies and has been ordered to supply more financial details. She has continued to refuse to do so (as she has hidden lots of money) so is breaching court orders and now refusing to cooperate with the court and legal teams.

You first reported her financial misdeeds in 2018. Slow-going, but glad you're close to an outcome.

I am now often happier than when I was when with WW. Ex has gone from looking incredibly happy and rushing to divorce when we separated to incredibly sad and refusing.

I'm glad you're often happier. You sound like you're still working on detachment. At some point, you won't spend time speculating as to her feelings and may be totally okay that's she may also often be happier living separately. You may even prefer it for your kids. But that's probably sometime after your lawyers or barristers finish settling your contentious divorce case and the custody violations.

[DavidUK]

There are two court cases. A) Finances. B) Custody of the kids. WW has breached both orders. Enforcement orders were then made for both cases. Punishment warnings were attached to enforcement orders. WW has breached those too so that's next to deal with.

WW's behavior hasn't changed. It follows a pattern. What has helped most has been watching Utube videos learning about narcissists and how to deal with them. It has also helped me spot red flags in other people who were potential girlfriends. It is way better being single than to be with the wrong person.

[MrBrside]

It has also helped me spot red flags in other people who were potential girlfriends. It is way better being single than to be with the wrong person.

So true.. This is where so many LBS mess up - they are so focused on the positive / feel good factor that they overlook the red flags.

You sound in a great place David.

[unchien]

Hi David ~ I never followed your sitch but I'm in a similar place and just want to say hang in there. I know how aggravating it can be to be sucked into the vortex of endless legal expenses.

I've always wondered... how can some people be so entitled/narcissistic etc.? The reality is, those people have some internal logic that makes sense to them and that does not make them seem like bad people. They can always point to past resentments and somehow craft logic that makes sense and justifies their actions. They can easily find lawyers who will happily support their fanciful narrations so they can continue litigation and digging in their heels righteously.

[DavidUK]

A new update... I have now heard that ex has managed to cancel the next court date by claiming to be too unwell mentally to provide bank statements. I expect her to claim the same months later at the next court date.

I am sure it isn't because WW wants to get back with me but rather to avoid providing bank statements showing she has hidden a lot of money (been financially abusive).

In 3 years it has gone from me being worried about D papers arriving and blaming myself for everything to the truth coming out and ex avoiding it.

[Traveler]

I expect her to claim the same months later at the next court date.

That's rough! The delay must be frustrating. Hopefully, your legal team can come up with a good response. It's easy to imagine a judge giving a pass once, harder to imagine twice without evidence.