background: BD Sept 2019, H moved out Oct (still has 99% of his things here), kids<13
The only complicated thing for our sitch is that we are currently out of US, so we would have to file for divorce here in our residing country (which under normal circumstances both of us have to agree to D). Later when either of us returns to the US then we can translate the D agreement.
We've been NC (except for kids and logistics) for a few weeks now. We've already talked about how to split our assets. The conversation was friendly and we had a verbal agreement. We talked about 30% child support. No actions from Ls yet. H talked about leaving the kids with me full time (which I interpret as full custody but he did not say those words specifically).
Last month when I needed to decide whether to renew the lease, H asked to extend lease for another year and offered to keep paying for rent so he can continue storing his things here.
Since then, H has been mentioning separating bank accounts a few times over last month. Being a SAHM, part of the reason I choose to not push forward with D right now is because it is financially advantageous for me to do nothing right now. (Neither of us is on a crazy spending spree.) However, I will be able to live if we do divorce also. So my fear of D is very minimal at this point.
If he wants to keep pushing the separation of accounts, then I feel like the proper step to take is to proceed with D so I am protected financially. Right now I have access to our money, but he stops the access then I only have his words to count on that he's going to transfer money into my account. I need it on paper. And that leads to everything else - asking him for his key back, do his own laundry and dry cleaning, notify me in advance when he wants to drop by to pick up his things, and setting a visitation schedule with the kids. I will ask for full physical and legal custody. (Divorces here is anything goes as long as we can agree. court does not have be involved)
And all this is not to threaten him to back off, but letting him know the reality of things as we move towards D.
I've never brought up divorce before. My hope is that he won't get defensive and agitated...I hope to resolve things amicably. The only thing that I am afraid in this scenario is that I'm assuming he will hand the keys over, and that he will comply with D. Or he can be bitter and shut down access immediately.
Any tips on how to proceed with a conversation like this? Am I covering everything?
