This is a hit and run post - kml I appreciate you very much talking to me so much. I just need to get some work done before I quote and I need all this right now. So much...
My parents disowned me 20 years ago. I'm over that loss what I didn't do was learn how to self soothe, to be alone, to adult, to build up my self esteem, etc. I relied on men instead and married H who just replaced my parents. He wasn't as outwardly mean as my parents but he did neglect me and shamed me for wanting more from him.
H played a good guy well. He'd fix the cars, buy me flowers, good provider, would take care of me when I was sick, etc. I thought I was lucky to have him and he agreed. However I could be sitting right next to him on the couch and I'd feel the distance. The message I got was if I were a better wife he'd love me. My parents did this too.
And then he left me for OW and I think she will get what I couldn't. This probably isn't true but it FEELS true. kwim?
Just got chewed out by my boss. He's not mad at me personally he just takes it out on me. Thanks doodler for reminding me to stop being a hero. I took my meds today. I have a lot to be grateful for but dang life is beating me up.
And then he left me for OW and I think she will get what I couldn't. This probably isn't true but it FEELS true. kwim?
I get that you are having a hard time not thinking about your H and OW, but constantly thinking that she is somehow better than you or he's better off or whatever is really not helping your overall attitude about this whole thing. You can't possibly know what is going on in his head, but you are comparing how you feel on the inside (which is totally understandably crappy) to how he looks on the outside. Outward appearances can be deceiving. But, you know what, SO WHAT? So what if they are happy and he thinks she is amazing. He isn't your problem anymore. Focus on you and your new life and all the amazing possibilities in front of you. There is a great big world out there for you and your kids to explore and try new things and just be happy and satisfied. You strike me as one who takes care of everyone else but yourself, so focus on YOU for a bit. Stop mindreading what you think is going on with H and OW because it just does not matter. You keep saying you are better off without him, so BELIEVE that!
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
The edit button does not work on this particular forum. I have repeatedly asked that the capability be restored...but to no avail. So, if you need something edited, hit the report and/or notification button and one of the moderators will come around to that particular post and edit it for you...but you need to be in the right posting and tell us exactly what you want edited.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Focus on you and your new life and all the amazing possibilities in front of you. There is a great big world out there for you and your kids to explore and try new things and just be happy and satisfied. You strike me as one who takes care of everyone else but yourself, so focus on YOU for a bit. Stop mindreading what you think is going on with H and OW because it just does not matter. You keep saying you are better off without him, so BELIEVE that!
Dawn I've looked into food stamps, still considering houses in the ghetto or my teens will have to help with expenses. I'll get more CS but once that ends my situation could be dire. 30% of his income may not count and that is concerning. I'm a minimalist so I'll be fine but my world just got reduced to about a 6 mile radius.
I'm in a decent mood so I can say even being broke I'm still probably better off without him. He was a grouch who made me feel bad. I feel bad now too yes but even if it takes me 10 years to get over him I've still got 20 years of life left to be happy right??
Dawn I've looked into food stamps, still considering houses in the ghetto or my teens will have to help with expenses. I'll get more CS but once that ends my situation could be dire. 30% of his income may not count and that is concerning. I'm a minimalist so I'll be fine but my world just got reduced to about a 6 mile radius.
kas,
Something doesn't seem congruent about your situation. Have you talked to a lawyer? Even if you can't afford to hire a lawyer for your divorce, you should, at the very least, go talk to a good divorce lawyer. I think you'll find that your situation isn't so abysmal.
Just checking on you. I hope that you and your family are staying safe and healthy. Post when you can to let us know that you are okay.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Dawn I've looked into food stamps, still considering houses in the ghetto or my teens will have to help with expenses. I'll get more CS but once that ends my situation could be dire. 30% of his income may not count and that is concerning. I'm a minimalist so I'll be fine but my world just got reduced to about a 6 mile radius.
kas,
Something doesn't seem congruent about your situation. Have you talked to a lawyer? Even if you can't afford to hire a lawyer for your divorce, you should, at the very least, go talk to a good divorce lawyer. I think you'll find that your situation isn't so abysmal.
She has, and she filed D papers last year but they have yet to serve her H with them!!
