<TL;DR> Done in for DUI. Re-evaluated my life and went to IC. Realized I was emotionally neglected, worked on self then halfway through therapy, BD. Panicked, tried everything, nothing worked. I discovered DR and starting GAL and DB in a big way. After some painful interactions, WW (who had an EA at this point) successfully came back. We are now trying for a 3rd child through IVF and been piecing for 6 months. Her behavior has been consistent this whole time. I feel I've changed dramatically, so says W and her friends. </TL;DR>
So after 6 months of what I would consider successful piecing something happened. I've been having some bedroom problems and W suddenly blurted out her desire for an open Marriage. I was stunned. No support, no sympathy. Just wanting what Mr. Nice Guy allowed her to have 5 years ago! I wasn't prepared for this so I said nothing. All I said was that I was going to the doctor to see if anything was wrong. She said "to be discussed further".
A couple of days later she brings it up again. I validate and say these are normal feelings. I remind her of the good times in our relationship and that this is a blip, and I'm going to get some help. She appears satisfied with this. But . . .
I notice she is slowly getting cold. Not at first. First it's the the indirect kiss. Then I notice she's not always wearing her wedding ring. Today, I was uncharacteristically forward about trying sex again. She said she was flattered but "too tired". And then later that day, it's like a switch. Total resentment. Old W appears with a stream of criticism some just plain unrealistic and comical. Blame for anything and everything I've done wrong.
I'm quiet. I've forgotten my DB, clearly. She's avoiding me by reading a book.So I log on here for inspiration, read a bit of DR and realize, OK, I've got to resurrect some of my DB tactics. So I decide to do something abnormal. It's late, I say to W I'm going out for a drive and I'll be home late. It's the truth. W is shocked. I kiss her (she tries to avoid but I don't let her) and say goodbye. She says that's strange and I've never done that before. And I say yes, I just want to go for a drive. And I leave.
I drive to the beach, sit in the car, browse some more DB Forums for inspiration (Steve85, Sandi2, you both inspire me). I come home late and, what's this, she's up. Normally not up this late. I sneak around the back of the house and look at the stars. Avoidance is old me, I think. What am I doing. I'm imaging the slap from some of you longtimers. So I confidentially enter the house, I can't avoid W. I just say "Oh, you're up!". Awkward interrogation, "Did you enjoy your drive?", "Yup". I say good night and go to my room (We've had 2 years of sleep divorce now. I'm over it, I don't mind). She huffs angrily "Fine, good night". And stomps off to bed. I can imagine the blame around "not spending time together" or something like that.
This night's interaction felt like something of a repeat from almost a year ago when she instigated BD. Oh you WW you! So predictable. The thing is, I feel much better now. I did nothing wrong, it's her attitude that is the issue. I can't let her control me with her WW attitudes. I'm going to wake up early, go to the shops and get a yummy breakfast for the family, and act like nothing happened.
If the time is right, I might ask her what's wrong, but I have to be prepared for the WW responses. Like her saying "I don't feel close to you" (A: "That's normal and every relationship goes through those sort of downs. At the same time it feels that at the sign of a first major issue since back together our marriage is now held hostage?"), or "I want an open relationship because you are having problems in bed" (A. "What is it about our relationship that you want to risk everything with an open relationship? I don't feel supportive when you say this and this only makes me feel worse.")
I have no idea if she is WW, I'm just saying she is acting totally like when she was. Her WW actions to try an sabotage things and then say "see, our marriage won't work". I stopped IC 6 months ago when my P said I was doing much better. I'm going to start it again. My mind is still racing with anxiety, the first time in years.
I guess I'm not really asking for advice, but will take it of course, since a different POV is always valuable. I've been here long enough to realize what needs to be done and accept that if she is internally struggling with wanting to pursue an open relationship I can't control that. Maybe she already has an affair, I don't know. She doesn't work now so she has plenty of opportunity. I'm not going to ask and I'm not going to find out.
I don't regret much in life, but allowing her to walk over me and compromise my values when I was Mr. Nice Guy is something I do regret. This time is different that much is true. If she wants an open relationship and tries to manipulate her way into it, I will make it very clear what I think. She can decide for herself if the high price is worth it or not.
