one day at a time

[wooba]

Hi everyone, I will skip ahead and just say that this is my new thread...hope you guys remember me

Well. Honestly I hope my H finds this site and maybe it will help him.

Like every MLCer, normal H still comes and goes. It's mostly alien H though, and there are moments when I am afraid that normal H is buried so deep that he will never show again.

Lately I've been thinking, am I still enabling his alcoholism by standing for our M? Many vets suggested that you will know when you are ready to leave. I don't know yet. But I wonder. Leaving H who has depression and alcoholism bundled together, what will happen to him? My heart breaks just thinking about it. I understand that I should not do it thinking that it would be what he needs to "wake up".....because he may never wake up.

job, you were correct in saying that I need to have somebody else lined up to watch the kids. I can see that the need is slowly increasing. H has become less and less reliable...even on the things that I thought he could handle.

So I do feel stuck. I am moving forward with my life...but there is just this heaviness that is weighing me down. Hence my title - one day at a time. It takes a lot of energy to slot away time every night at the end of the day to just sit calmly and think things through. Sometimes I catch myself doing random things to numb and skip forward (netflix, web-surfing etc). It is a very fine line between cutting myself some slack vs indulging myself to dive into the black hole of mental escape....

[peacetoday]

Alcoholism is a different thing than MLC
It is a disease in itself and MLC will just make it worse

Knowledge on the subject will empower you
To help you make a decision
Many wives in Alanon do leave, just as many learn skills and stay
You are powerless to help him get sober, just like you are powerless over MLC
You can contribute to his alcoholism by enabling him, and in alanon you can learn to not enable

I would not clump the two issues together..
There are many alcoholics not in MLC and many MLCer who were not alcoholic...but in MLC..they began to drink.

If a person is a true alcoholic, that is a tough issue and usually AA is the best solution to help them but many alcoholics
will never be able to remain sober..only a percentage..a small percentage will remain sober for a lifetime

Alanon is the best place to learn about alcoholism and learn skills to deal with an active alcoholic

The only cure for the alcoholic is to stop drinking - total abstinence forever...

MY XH was a recovering alcoholic when I met him and he stayed sober until MLC came
20 years of sobriety ..He got sober at age 20
IN MLC he relapsed and I believe he is still drinking today

I am very familar with all the 12 step programs and they are a great support