I just noticed today that H has been taking more cash withdrawals than usual for the last two months. Just a few days ago he voluntarily told me that he's planning to sublet his colleague's apartment when his colleague moves away in a month. Supposedly that's where he's been staying for the past 2 months and he said he's paying his rent right now because he's been nice enough to let H stay there. anyways, at currently level his spending is not going to hurt our finances too much, but I wonder how I should bring it up to him, or whether I should say anything at all?? We are not legally separated so everything is still tied together.
I tried for seven years to hold our family together and included finances in that. The MLCer loses all sense of responsibility and perceives of the family wallet like a teen does -- endless supply and no one will notice it's missing.
I didn't believe what I read here -- and also I thought that I could hold things together by working more so I could help my H with money when he stopped working.
It turned into him filing for D and trying to get spousal support! And now to try to sell my house from under me and our kids when he couldn't get that.
If you work, make your own bank account with your own money asap. You can start transferring money into your joint account to pay joint bills, with a memo that says what it's for. Keep records of everything!
If you don't work, start pulling what you can out of your joint account each week. Live as frugally as possible and save whatever you can.
Trust us on this, it is very rare that the MLCer doesn't waste thousands or tens of thousands of dollars.
I once found a paper on which my H had written the OW's credit card info. So he does it to her too.
I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage. Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
Take half of the funds out of the accounts and move it to a new account. Any credit cards that you have jointly, you need to contact the credit card company and put a set limit on the account and/or ask that the balances be moved to a new card asap. You may need to tell them the cards have been misplaced to do so or you can ask that they remove your name from the joint cards. Do not tell him that you are planning to do this until after you have done so. Why? Because he may very well empty the accounts just to spite you.
Also, do you want to link your current thread in Newcomers over to this one so that the people on this forum can follow your situation?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks Gerda & job for the suggestions. I'm a SAHM so it's a bit trickier. When BD he told me to not worry about money and he'll always do what he can to support the kids and me. When he mentioned D he told me he'll just send me half of his pay check every month. I remember the "don't believe anything they say" rule so I'm taking it with a grain of salt. He doesn't seem totally bonkers yet...still going to work and still looking for a new job..he's flying out more for interviews so that's the additional expense.
