My M is over. He's got OW, shows no signs of wanting to reconcile, haven't spoken to him in 4 months and for financial reasons I filed for D. I do not know if he's been served yet.
I'm stuck on the part where he has someone and I'll be alone forever. He gets his happily ever after while I struggle to buy groceries. He gets everything and I get nothing. I got dumped and was replaced so easily after 30 years together. She gets my life, the life that was supposed to be mine. If I do date all that will be out there will be damaged obese men that I'm not attracted to. WAH is fit, we had great chemistry and I'll never get that again. She has it. Logically I know I'm being ridiculous but emotionally this is where I'm stuck.
If you think of this in DB terms, DB is all about working to become more secure. Focus on you. Focus on becoming more secure. Then your next great relationship (whether a R for with someone new) will have a more solid footing and you will be happier.
My brain says this will never happen, might as well give up and get some cats. Ugh.
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If and when you choose to enter the dating pool, there are compatible people out there, I guarantee it.
In the meantime, work on your emotional growth. It's painful, it's hard, it's exhausting, and it's worth it
As the anxious one I need a fix. Badly. Thing is it solves nothing. I was unhappy with WAH and I'm unhappy without him. What I want is to get better and have him come back but well that isn't going to happy and yes I know I sound like Eeyore. I don't know how to stop.
Hi Kas, I've been following you off and on. Just wanted to say I'm sorry for what you are going through. While H seems happy, he has to live with what he did, whether he ever recognises it or not. Honeymoon stage will end with OW. Maybe he will repeat his mistakes, maybe he will realize what was lost. What I think is important is your efforts and strength to get through such an unexpected and unwelcome journey. I feel the same way as you, if my W signs the D, I'm left alone, with cute and wonderful baggage. You will get through it and you never know who is out there when you're ready. There's a number of us all going through these circumstances, self improving and pro-work it out until there are no options left people. Maybe you find someone who went through just as tough a journey and who rebuilt themselves from the ground up.
H37, W37 D4, S2 ILYBNILWY 9/19 BD 9/19 EA discovered 10/19 Currently in limbo, no D or S process initiated
My M is over. He's got OW, shows no signs of wanting to reconcile, haven't spoken to him in 4 months and for financial reasons I filed for D. I do not know if he's been served yet.
I'm stuck on the part where he has someone and I'll be alone forever. He gets his happily ever after while I struggle to buy groceries. He gets everything and I get nothing. I got dumped and was replaced so easily after 30 years together. She gets my life, the life that was supposed to be mine. If I do date all that will be out there will be damaged obese men that I'm not attracted to. WAH is fit, we had great chemistry and I'll never get that again. She has it. Logically I know I'm being ridiculous but emotionally this is where I'm stuck.
So much doom and gloom............
I would hope that the thing you learn through all of this is that your happiness and your fulfillment is solely in your hands. Struggling to buy groceries? So go out there and change it! (Hint: It has nothing to do with relying someone else!)
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I'm not bored or lonely I'm broken and the effort to fix me is painful. If I signed up on an online dating site to see what my options are I'd feel better. If there are halfway attractive men there then I'm good. All I need then is to use my sex appeal to find someone once my divorce is final. Yes, yes this will work. Until then I'll focus instead on my outward appearance. How much does professional teeth whitening cost anyway? lol
Please do not do this until you have dealt with your own issues. Or you will be heading towards another future BD.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I would hope that the thing you learn through all of this is that your happiness and your fulfillment is solely in your hands. Struggling to buy groceries? So go out there and change it! (Hint: It has nothing to do with relying someone else!)
I'm honestly glad ya'll are calling me out on this. It embarrasses me to be this weak. I write these posts, read responses as my brain slowly rewires itself. It probably seems like I'm getting nowhere but I am I'm just slow.
Logically I know my happiness is in my hands I just can't get it to stick emotionally.
On groceries WAH isn't paying me what he's supposed to so I filed for D. I've got a cushion in my bank account and I've got $9k for legal fees (saved while he was still paying all my bills). I'm prepared to hunker down for a few months until I get a support hearing. We both have good attorneys but he cheated and I didn't. We live in a fault state and he got complacent.
Please do not do this until you have dealt with your own issues. Or you will be heading towards another future BD
When he left I started talking to OM online (did not cheat). I got BD only because I said no to his offers to visit me. I did come very close to doing something stupid. Met another man online and it ended the same way. At that point I realized I needed to go cold turkey from men. It was tough but within 3 months I got a handle on it. When I found out about the OW I contacted the first OM. We texted until noon until I lost interest. I felt cured.
I was only interested in signing up for OLD for reassurance that's likely to backfire so I won't do it.
My M is over. He's got OW, shows no signs of wanting to reconcile, haven't spoken to him in 4 months and for financial reasons I filed for D. I do not know if he's been served yet.
I'm stuck on the part where he has someone and I'll be alone forever. He gets his happily ever after while I struggle to buy groceries. He gets everything and I get nothing. I got dumped and was replaced so easily after 30 years together. She gets my life, the life that was supposed to be mine. If I do date all that will be out there will be damaged obese men that I'm not attracted to. WAH is fit, we had great chemistry and I'll never get that again. She has it. Logically I know I'm being ridiculous but emotionally this is where I'm stuck.
You still have so much negative emotional spiraling... You will not be alone forever if you do not want to be. He is not going to get his "happily ever after" while you struggle to buy groceries, that's just silly. You will become an independent woman who doesn't need him in your life just to be able to afford groceries. Why would you go on further dates with people you aren't attracted to? If you aren't attracted to them, find someone else... No one is forcing you to go out with damaged, obese men that you aren't attracted to. There are plenty of decent options out there that will check the right boxes for you. But if you're a damaged, obese woman what are your plans to change that in order to attract the type of men you want?
You must start putting one foot in front of the other and figure out what GAL'ing looks like for you. Allowing yourself to get stuck in this same negative thinking loop each and every day will get you nowhere.
