Together 10 Married 8 Bomb drop 2/19 Separated since 6/18 Papers started 9/19 Two kids 5 and 7, boys
I'm back after taking some time off and couldn't find my old thread or get into my account.
update
She sent papers my way in early september after 1.5yrs of me trying to make myself better and her not budging on meeting me in the middle to fix things. she still says there is no one else. After getting a life and being the best dad i could be and getting the papers I decided to get on match and pof to get out and date or a tleast see what was out there.
I was not hiding anything but wasn't advertising that I was going out on dates. She found out through a friend that I thought I could trust that I was "dating" and she went nuts. She told me for months that it was over..... WAY over and we would never be together again and I should move on. I did and she was not happy about it.
She then was saying after she learned I had gone out on dates that all she wanted in the year and a half was to see change in me and on and on and then 6 months after she told me to expect papers they were delivered September 2nd.
She can't believe i have moved on or in a emotional place to be with someone else. Even know if she was honest and wanted to go to a couples weekend Like the Gottmans offer and wanted to but in honest effort I still would.
thoughts? input?
thanks
Together 10 Married 8 Bomb drop 2/19 Separated since 6/18 Papers started 9/19 Two kids 5 and 7, boys
im in the house, she is local and at her parents, boys split time
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL).
DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
Do you happen to remember your old user name? We can then look you up and link your old threads to this one.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I'm back after taking some time off and couldn't find my old thread or get into my account.
Welcome back! The mods can assist with that if you remember your old handle, do you?
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I was not hiding anything but wasn't advertising that I was going out on dates. She found out through a friend that I thought I could trust that I was "dating" and she went nuts. She told me for months that it was over..... WAY over and we would never be together again and I should move on. I did and she was not happy about it.
Yup, she wants you sitting at home as Plan B forever, pining away for her. I can't tell you how many times I've seen this happen where the WAS tells the LBS that they just need to move on and find someone that's better for them, then as soon as the LBS sticks a toe in the dating pool the WAS goes ballistic even if the WAS themselves are dating or even in a heavy relationship.
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She can't believe i have moved on or in a emotional place to be with someone else. Even know if she was honest and wanted to go to a couples weekend Like the Gottmans offer and wanted to but in honest effort I still would.
thoughts? input?
Is that a hypothetical question? IE, she didn't actually say she wanted to start MC did she? If not then just keep living your life.
Did she serve you before or after you started dating? I can't tell from your post. I read a lot of these stories where a WS freaks out once they get a reality check, but it's still hard to get them to commit.
It looks like your wife is at least having doubts, but I would keep up with the DB stuff for now. I would ignore most of what she says, and operate under the assumption that she still wants a divorce. I mean, regardless of what she's telling you, the divorce process is still underway.
In any case, I think you should keep your wife in the dark about your dating life, especially if you decide to stop dating. I think if you stop dating and tell her, she's going to feel pursued, which is what you don't want.
Did she serve you before or after you started dating?
Sounds like after:
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After getting a life and being the best dad i could be and getting the papers I decided to get on match and pof
Originally Posted by LostRose
It looks like your wife is at least having doubts, but I would keep up with the DB stuff for now. I would ignore most of what she says, and operate under the assumption that she still wants a divorce. I mean, regardless of what she's telling you, the divorce process is still underway.
In any case, I think you should keep your wife in the dark about your dating life, especially if you decide to stop dating. I think if you stop dating and tell her, she's going to feel pursued, which is what you don't want.
I was not hiding anything but wasn't advertising that I was going out on dates. She found out through a friend that I thought I could trust that I was "dating" and she went nuts. She told me for months that it was over..... WAY over and we would never be together again and I should move on. I did and she was not happy about it.
Same thing happened in my situation. It's like firing someone from a job and subsequently getting mad they found a new job.I've been told it's because you are screwing up their plan of having you as a Plan B, but I'd love to hear more on this from sandi as to what's going through the WAS's head.
It's almost like they are just gone but have guilt over ending things, so they want to pin it on you.
It feels like 50 Shades of Done when they start disbelieving you moved on and started dating. Level 1 is the BD. Level 5 is when they announce they want the D. Level 8 is when they serve you papers. When you start dating, they apparently to take to to yet another level!!! I was thing "I thought we were done at Level 8?"
It's almost like they are just gone but have guilt over ending things, so they want to pin it on you.
This is definitely a part of it.
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It feels like 50 Shades of Done when they start disbelieving you moved on and started dating. Level 1 is the BD. Level 5 is when they announce they want the D. Level 8 is when they serve you papers. When you start dating, they apparently take it to yet another level!!! I was thinking "I thought we were done at Level 8?"
She can't believe i have moved on or in a emotional place to be with someone else. Even know if she was honest and wanted to go to a couples weekend Like the Gottmans offer and wanted to but in honest effort I still would.
Can you clarify this? It's a bit hard to follow.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Yes on the dating after getting the papers. I did nothing before that no dates or hanging out with anyone I was interested in. Wasn't interested in anyone except her and fixing the marriage. Even tho I know about the secret text app that her boss and "others" at work use, coming home late from work bc she did not want to spend time with me (that also meant less time with the boys), sending her boss photos of her and a coworker in cocktail dresses at a conference and telling me she confided in her boss about our marriage.
For 18 months I spent time with the boys, friends and family. Hiking, sailing, surfing beaching it and just going along as normal and continued to go to a therapist and work on me.
She still says I haven't changed and definitely could not be with me now that I have "cheated on " her. She hasn't taken one step towards me or taken any responsibility for her part in the marriage going sour but has only blamed me for more and rewriting history.
My old name was Jimmyrigg or Jimmyrig007 sorry
Together 10 Married 8 Bomb drop 2/19 Separated since 6/18 Papers started 9/19 Two kids 5 and 7, boys
im in the house, she is local and at her parents, boys split time
