"AS", I am going to try to take your advice from now on moving forward. I've got a lot going on and I will have basketball games every Tuesday, Friday, and Saturday until the end of January. Detaching will be easy! Thanks for all your help. You know my story and I have been on here telling it for the past 3 months.
Awesome, sounds like a nice distraction! Yes I've read since the beginning, and I can't say enough how badly I feel for you and what you are going through. What I went through was "BD Lite" compared to you, and it was horrible enough. Your W just blows my mind, I've certainly seen my share of waywards but she is at the tippy top of the WW bell curve! I really think "tough love" is your only chance at saving yourself from further heartache, and the only chance to get through to her.
"AS", It looks like you have been around here since 2012. I know you have seen it all and hear it all. It is very unfortunate that I know all that I know. Most of my family thinks I will never be able to fully forgive her due to knowing all the details. Probably having sex in our own bed may be the worse or texting him while I was rubbing her foot countless times could be another one. Everyone wants to think their situation is unique and I guess I am one of those guys too.
I do have enough logic to realize that getting over this and forgiving will be very hard to do. Being fearful and afraid holds you back and keeps you stuck.
What I can't understand is why she hasn't moved out or filed for divorce herself. I may not ever know those answers. I really think that the exposure and the OM being removed as her boss played some part in her prolonging her decision to leave. Whatever may happen its not up to me but her. I do know that I need to let her go.
Why would she possibly want to leave the best of both worlds? I mean she has it made right now. She has OM and you eating out of the palm of her hands.
I feel for you I really do but at some point you have to stand up for yourself. The great thing about it is it’s your best chance.
I really need to split our checking account and the bills. Wouldn’t hurt also to get one of my friends who is a realtor to look at my home to tell me what price to sell. I mentioned last night we would need to do Christmas separately and I need to stay away from her parents. Her parents are very supportive of me but they continue to advise me to wait this out.
You keep saying the above!!!! It's has become part of your mantra. This statement shows you are in wait mode. GET OUT OF WAIT MODE!!! Your future is not up to her. Her staying in the Marriage is her choice. But making the Marriage work is YA'LL choice.
Stop sitting around waiting for her to make her decision. The feeling you had as well. Every situation is unique.
But trust me, no matter how bad you think your situation is, there is some others that is worst. There have been some crazy stories that has passed thru here. Since I have been here since Aug of 2017, there have been WW:
Leaving there LBS to move to other countries and getting pregnant. WWs getting hook on drugs WWs moving other men into their Marital homes A WW died and so on and so on.
I have seen all kind of crazy pictures of my W and the OM. Read all kind of text. Things that were so hard to purge out of my brain it paralyzed me.
We understand your pain and story.
Forgiveness:
There have also been many LBS there have forgiven their Spouses for all kind of craziness they caused in their lives. Don't worry about what your family is saying. Forgiveness will come later, you need to be worried about healing, detaching and GAL. When and If the times come, you will have to forgive your W everyday, it's not a one time, one day thing. Forgiveness is the process of, giving up the ability to change the past.
IMO, you are in a prime process to get your WW back. I think she is confused and lost. And she's definitely sitting on the fence. But her time on the fence is coming to an end. You are getting tired of being in limbo and you are growing. Last night was a great start.
Onward and forward
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
Sorry for hijacking but which ww died and what happened?? Or which member was it so I can search?
Me: 38 Stbxw: 35 No kids Mini bd: February 6, 2019 ONS confirmed Sept 7, 2019 Told her to move out: September 8, 2019 W moved out: September 28, 2019 Divorce filed by me: September 23, 2019
I will have to go back and find the thread. I can't think of the the poster name. I provided that information to let BB know that his situation is bad, but it can always be worst. Find the positive in life and grow.
Joejoe
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
Probably having sex in our own bed may be the worse or texting him while I was rubbing her foot countless times could be another one. Everyone wants to think their situation is unique and I guess I am one of those guys too.
Well every situation is unique including yours, but the patterns are very similar.
Quote
What I can't understand is why she hasn't moved out or filed for divorce herself. I may not ever know those answers. I really think that the exposure and the OM being removed as her boss played some part in her prolonging her decision to leave. Whatever may happen its not up to me but her. I do know that I need to let her go.
It's probably what LH said, she's got the best of both worlds right now. A supportive husband at home that asks little to nothing of her, a family life, and a nice little fling going on the side. This allows her to stay in the "real world" while also keeping her fantasy alive of riding off into the sunset "some day" with OM. As long as she doesn't have to pay any penalties for this lifestyle then she has zero incentive to change anything. This is why a lot of us push the tough love approach with waywards, they have to face the music before they will repent of their ways.
Originally Posted by BenB
Sorry for hijacking but which ww died and what happened?? Or which member was it so I can search?
I can't remember his handle but yes, I remember the story as well. Wayward wife that left him. He eventually detached, they divorced and he quit posting. He came back, I think it had been a year or more since he posted, just to tell everyone that she had taken her life. She was lost and confused and she never recovered and never found the fantasy life she expected. Very sad story. I don't think he ever posted again after that update.
Stop sitting around waiting for her to make her decision.
Or put another way, stop waiting for HER to make decisions about YOUR future and YOUR life!
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
