So today is first day of new job and I love it! I’m completely reinventing myself. I feel great. I’m really excited. The world feels full of possibilities. I’m in control of my life and my feelings.
I have really let her go, and she knows it. I’m Gonna be just fine no matter what she decides. This is the first time I’ve felt this confident in the future.
So I’ve been googling on how to handle a divorce correctly and not fall into the many unhealthy traps men fall into. I’m glad I found this place when I did.
So now that W knows that I’m letting her go and am not going to hold her back. And I’m completely detached but still willing to work on it. This is the perfect setup for DB correct? Because I am truly ok with whatever the outcome.
Well not really. Now she gets to go live on her own and date other men and if that doesn’t work out she can run back to Oz.
^^^^^^^^ this. This is what I was trying to tell you so you can get things legalized. You really just have her the best of both worlds “ oz let me go and is going to support me and help me with everything and now I’m free and I can date!!!!!!”
I’ve been on these boards since 2008. And this is the biggest mistake most people make. Thinking they are going to be best friends, don’t need anything legal in place, because you know, they aren’t going to date or anything. It actually makes you look like a sucker. You said she’s been done for a very long time and that’s how your switch is unique. And now you just basically gave her the go ahead to live this like she wants while you support her. And when she starts dating, I can almost guarantee you won’t be feeling the same about being friends and giving her whatever she needs .
I think you are just telling yourself you don’t care either way. But you do.
If you are are truly truly done. Please get money and custody legalized. Don’t fall into the traps. You can be flexibility, but you need to protect yourself and your son.
Oz you never answered my question about what the thrust of the talk with your W was. Did you tell her you are leaving? Filing for D? Or did you just tell her you are "letting go"? I just have a feeling nothing really got resolved in the convo, that it was just a temperature check on your part. Maybe I'm wrong. If it was a "I'm letting you go" talk then you need to back that up with action.
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So now that W knows that I’m letting her go and am not going to hold her back.
What exactly does that mean? What is going to be different after the talk versus before?
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And I’m completely detached but still willing to work on it. This is the perfect setup for DB correct? Because I am truly ok with whatever the outcome.
What if the "outcome" is just to continue in the exact same limbo you've been in for months and months? Because you should not be OK with that. EDIT- and it's not really "limbo" because limbo implies peaceful coexistence. But your W treats you with incredible disrespect.
