Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
And just so you know skinny dipping with doodler is not a requirement, nor is a fondness for poutine - or so I've been told.
Glad you're hanging out with us on the Far Shore HaWho.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Welcome to the other side of MLC...life offers us new beginnings and there is so much to see and do once you can get beyond the pain.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
HaWho, you are going to be missed. I'll have to pop over and see what you are up to (I hope you will still share some of your crazy stories from time to time). Congrats!
I read along in this forum but don’t post often here. I still update in MLC occasionally when something noteworthy happens. My life had become such a telenovella, and in comparison to all that it feels like I really have nothing to post.
Recently (last week) my ex texted me he remarried and that he told my kids to keep it all a secret from me that he was even dating! Ex told me she won’t be coming to any of s’s games to avoid awkwardness?!?! And that’s when I knew she must be his OW he had an affair with; yep. Looked her up online and it’s clear the timeframes match that she was the one he affaired with. His father remarried his OW so it’s in the blood. And just to add some FUN to dysFUNction, both OW (his father’s and his) share the same first name which is not that common. And this is now my kids’ FOO which really messes with my mind.
I know how broken they both must be to be having an affair and have married each other. It still sometimes shock me that this happened to my ex who was a steady sort of fellow. Wow! And it really bother me that this is their stepmom. Psychologically I am guessing ex married his stepmom (even with the same name?!?!).
I guess I feel a bit stuck on something and would love advice. I feel this desire to tell ex that I know he married his affair partner. He has already said he is going to keep us away from each other and in this way I guess he is a vanisher. This woman and I won’t be coparenting together. Who knows what he told her all along to seal the deal. A big issue in my D is that he wanted to agree the marriage ended in 2014 though he lived there (very confused my so) until 2018. So I assume he started dating her in 2015 and wanted to smell like roses. I am sure he is afraid of us meeting assume may figure out true timelines.
Not sure what I hope to get out of telling him I know. I know he won’t apologize. I just don’t want him to think anyone believes this fairytale he’s written in his head. I am pretty sure my kids figured it out too. Feel like it will help me heal.
As for me, I survived a wild ride. I rebuilt a life without him. I am seeing a guy who seems too good to be true. He was recommended by several coworkers and we became friends and then started dating. He asked me to date him exclusively and I said yes. He has been divorced 10 years and did not date seriously at all in that time. He focused on his kids and worked on his career. He told me he had given up on the idea of a partner until he met me. He tells me my ex was a fool to let me go.
Any advice is welcome.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
I guess I feel a bit stuck on something and would love advice. I feel this desire to tell ex that I know he married his affair partner.
Well - personally I don't think it would do a darned bit of good and would probably just generate angst and conflict from him.
Closure isn't something that we get but I can absolutely understand wanting it.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Nothing good will come of it HW. I agree with what Andrew says. In my sitch, my XH is also marrying his affair partner. When I first found out about his engagement, it definitely bothered me...but that feeling faded and now I don’t care. As long as she treats my children well, and she apparently does, that’s all that matters. I am fully facing forward these days and it feels good. There is no point in looking back. Focus on the present and on enjoying your time with your new man. Don’t go down the road of resentment. It will only hurt you in the end. (((HUGS))
You have gotten some sage advice here. What good would it do to tell him that you know he married his affair partner? I would just go on about my business and allow them their "wedded bliss" for however long it will last. Now that it is out in the open, it's not going to be all that exciting because the cat is out of the bag and no one is reacting to the secret the way that they had hoped. The less you give him in the way of a reaction, the better.
BTW, my xh married his affair partner too...but the "wedded bliss" and people didn't react the way he wanted and it was right back to business as usual, i.e., working, paying bills, etc.
Don't bring yourself down to his level. Continue as you have been.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
