Who told you to not listen and be supportive of your wife? The only thing you were advised not to do was initiate talks about your R. If she initiates them then that is fine but just listen and validate. Try to avoid going mr. melty man and having diarrhea of the mouth.
You absolutely 10000% should listen, support and validate your wife. When she talks give her your undivided attention.
Thanks tryhard I will. I will look it up right now
This is a post from the last thread that I still need help with please
I don’t know. That’s just it. It feels like she is reaching out. It really does. I know that it goes against everything here.
But when she is telling me how stressed she is and is asking what are you thinking about. And I give the generic “what a nice day answer” it’s like I’m saying your problems are not important to me. Im just gonna focus on myself. See what I mean? She asks like 10 times a day. What are you thinking about. This will be after she has actually opened up to me a bit emotionally and told me what’s going on in her head
She opens up emotionally, not blaming me for anything, and tries to tell me why she is stressed. Genuine feelings about our life. No blame or anger or anything like that. And tell me what’s going on. Which is a huge step for her post bd.
And then she asks about what i am thinking about and I say the weather or work or something about myself?!? How can she think she can emotionally attach to me if all I seem to do is think about myself
She told me night of BD. my whole adult life it’s been about you and S. It’s never been about me. And she is right
The neighbor has said she is really looking for someone to talk to. About deep stuff. And you guys tell me to avoid the deep stuff. I’m so lost.
I think you need to do what you feel is right for you and your W. If you decide to talk, however, just make sure you do it with zero expectations and focus on listening and validating. (((HUGS)))
Go re read what sandi wrote a thread or two ago. She gave you a TON of great advice.
The bottom line is that your wife said ILYBINILWY and that she was unsure of her future with you correct? Remember that when you make decisions. Until she tells you differently, she still feels that way. Like everyone’s said to you a few times now, if she wants to be with you, you will know. If she doesn’t you will be confused.
Keep reading and listening to the vets advice. Keep DBing.
I’m not trying to do anything drastic. I’m just wanting help with how to respond to the constant what are you thinking’s and when she opens up emotionally how to help.
Is anybody on?
Last edited by Cadet; 07/30/1909:14 PM. Reason: combine posts
