"If you were so miserable in our marriage and I supposedly made you so unhappy and held you back so much then why are you still here and not moving forward with sorting things out?"
Lol Ryan don't say that!!! You are being a little pushy, even though you are 100% right. She, like you, probably has feelings that are all over the place.
What else is going on in your world?
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Bo, My W says the exact same thing, she is staying because she "isn't going to abandon the kids". I never said abandon anybody, sort out living arrangements and we will split time 50/50 with them. Not sure how having two houses is abandoning the children but anyways.
Ovr, Really life is going great. I am back to spending a lot more time on my hobbies (restoring a Triumph TR6, RC helicopters, fishing and salt water aquariums). I am getting to the gym at least a couple times a week. Going out with friends for dinner or drinks at least once a week. Work is going really well and have a few business trips coming up that should be fun. One of my favorite new activities is going for dinner by my self. I generally sit up at the bar and just talk to people. I have met lots of interesting people and some have kind of become friends, both men and women. Its so interesting to me learning little bits of complete strangers stories.
Ultimately I still very much do not want D but for my own mental health I certainly am leaning more towards pushing ahead with S.
On the flip side my first choice would be to work on things and build marriage 2.0 but in reality that probably will not happen.
Same.
I think I mentioned this elsewhere, but my W said a few days ago ‘I never really wanted a D....I just wanted to S for a little bit and have us work on things and then work on recon but because you are doing and saying these things it’s pushing me away and I don’t want that and I have no choice and BLAH BLAH BLAH....’ And when I heard this (but I didn’t say this) I was all internally ‘AYFKM?!?!?!?!??!?? WTF is wrong with you?!??!!???’
I am back to spending a lot more time on my hobbies (restoring a Triumph TR6, RC helicopters, fishing and salt water aquariums).
A man after my own heart My first car was a '64 TR-4, I never did get it fixed up the way I wanted it, just didn't know enough back then. I love those and TR-6's though! Almost bought a TR-6 years ago that had a Chevy 350 shoehorned into it, that would have been a trip! And I fly RC as well- helis, quads, planes, ornithopters. Do you fly gas or electric?
my W said a few days ago ‘I never really wanted a D....I just wanted to S for a little bit and have us work on things and then work on recon but because you are doing and saying these things it’s pushing me away and I don’t want that and I have no choice and BLAH BLAH BLAH....’
That is one of those lines that I have seen posted here so many times with just minor variations that now I just roll my eyes every time I see it. At first I didn't know what Cadet meant by "script" but if you spend enough time here you'll know all too well what he means.
I have both nitro and electric but mainly fly electric now days. Time and space to fly was getting harder to find so I picked up an OXY 2 to mess with in the back yard. It is one fun small heli. The TR has been on the go for 12 years. It was supposed to be a 5 year project but getting married and having kids put a damper on things but another perk of now having a lot more free time is I can focus on it again. I'm a sucker for punishment so converted it to the UK spec complete with the dreaded Lucas petrol injection system.
I have both nitro and electric but mainly fly electric now days. Time and space to fly was getting harder to find so I picked up an OXY 2 to mess with in the back yard. It is one fun small heli.
Sweet! I've been flying, well a long time, over 20 years. Have always flown electrics. The technology was terrible back when I started, battery packs were super heavy and flight times were short! My house is on an acre lot so I can fly my quads, helis and the smaller planes in my backyard which is nice.
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The TR has been on the go for 12 years. It was supposed to be a 5 year project but getting married and having kids put a damper on things but another perk of now having a lot more free time is I can focus on it again. I'm a sucker for punishment so converted it to the UK spec complete with the dreaded Lucas petrol injection system.
My heart goes out to you Mine had the dual Strombergs on it, those were a treat to dial in! Especially for a 16-year-old kid that didn't know what he was doing! I had a Fiat Spyder as well, the electrical on it was worse than the TR if you can imagine.
Journalling after a rough weekend: When it comes to W I am doing quite well with acceptance and detachment. I'm young and really this should be some of the best times of my life and I am determined to make that so. I am now very much of the mindset "if a person doesn't value me, appreciate what I have to offer and doesn't want me in their life then they are free to leave". That doesn't just apply to W it applies to everybody. I'm not perfect, I make mistakes, I can be very stubborn at times. But at the end of the day I have a ton of good to offer and it far out ways my flaws. Where I really struggle these days is with the kids. They are not afraid to make it known that they prefer to be around me. They often make comments that they want their dad around. Yesterday being family day here in the great white north made for a really hard day. Had several requests by friends to bring the kids out for some fun, saw lots of people out and about enjoying the day with their loved ones. It really hit hard that my family had fallen apart. I treated myself to brunch and went downtown to enjoy the city but it was just one of those days feeling empty and longing for a fun day at home as the family we once were.
In the end it wasn't all bad as the kids called and really wanted to see me. Touched base with W and end up going home and doing dinner and bedtime together.
I know I shouldn't be thinking about it but it is very tough not too. Really just sat back and observed W last night and cant help but wonder what is going on. We are just past the 5 month mark now and I can't help but feel a shift in things. I don't know what way they have shifted but things seem very different. At one point late last night we were sitting on opposite ends of the couch. I asked W if she had thought anymore about the plan moving forward and I got the standard "I have to figure things out" answer. I calmly advised again that living like this was not an option for me anymore, it was not working for the kids and causing great confusion for them and asked her if it was really working for her? She confirmed that it wasn't. I asked what she wanted moving forwards and the response was "I don't know". I said "fair enough" and went up to bed. For someone who was so dead set on D 5 months ago things really seem to be stalled and "I don't know" is running rampant. Not sure if she is waiting for things to just fall into place magically so she can move on or if perhaps she is starting to have second thoughts. Either way I need to remain extra cautious now it seems and really double down on DB'ing.
My first car was a '64 TR-4, I never did get it fixed up the way I wanted it, just didn't know enough back then. I love those and TR-6's though! Almost bought a TR-6 years ago that had a Chevy 350 shoehorned into it, that would have been a trip! And I fly RC as well- helis, quads, planes, ornithopters. Do you fly gas or electric?