I do want to add something here. And please! do not get false hope but- after i got the phone DB counseling, I was told to be sweet to him. No pressure. The coffee and friend thing. Which, at the time made zero sense! but! He said so many times that during that time he was so close to wanting to reconcile, but didn't. but he very much appreciated the no pressure. He said he enjoyed those meetings! boy was i surprised. things happened: OW did some needy stuff, like quit job for him and eventually he felt trapped into committing to her and having her come live with him (Mr nice guy). But I think for some, taking pressure off, giving space can work. Either way, my divorce was not ugly. It crushed me but it was not the worst. I made it "his divorce" and did it that way. Point being: now, I feel okay about my choices. I didn't get my M back, but I didn't ruin my life either. XH kind of did.
Friends is a nice place too My friend and her XH that I spoke of are good friends Her goal was always to help him especially so he could be there for the adult children they have together and he is a much better father because of their friendship
Its great you took the risk to open the door just to see if nothing else but to forgive him I would love to have the opportunity to forgive xh face to face-and even help him if possible I am totally done and have moved on in another R, but still want the best for him
As far as them Affairing down- that seems to be a recurring theme among most MLcers
and I know my xh gave up everything inside and out for his OW who he married- He gave up his sobriety of over 20 years with her, His home, kids, business, family and friends No one liked her and his family shunned her last I heard from her in a message recently that he ruined her/his life and wants to ship him back? I didn't respond-
You will make the best choices for you
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
I am glad that you posted on my thread. I just read your posts. I am glad you have come back and shared your perspective from years down the road. I can relate to a lot of what you posted. Yes, they absolutely affair down! Yes, they often are running to someone that validates them and gives them a false sense of confidence. Also, despite a strong limerance pull towards the A, I still think there are moments of clarity. Or perhaps those WH that suffer tremendous feelings of guilt (as both of ours did) are the ones more likely to return later?
Can you provide an update now? How are things with your current BF? Does your XH continue to pursue you?
From what you have described, he still sounds depressed and rather desperate. He is not coming to you from a place of strength or resolve. The good news is that you are not bound to him by the M, a home or kids. Perhaps he will do some personal work and come back as a more solid man down the road.
I look forward to reading an update!
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
