Thank you DnJ. I do see her parents being her fallback as they are now. The sad part is I think they know she is making a mistake but just sit idly by doing her bidding (long history there with W family and her siblings).
Black, it is best that the parents don't get involved. Why? Because the more they point out that she's doing something wrong, the more determined she will be to prove them wrong. As for the bidding...shame on them. That may be associated w/some of her childhood issues.
The fewer people that get involved in the situation, the better. That's just my opinion. Her crisis needs to run its course in order for her to grow up and become a mature woman. Too many interruptions along the way will prolong the crisis and, in some cases, stop it and then later on, she will re-enter the crisis and it will be far worse the second time around.
Try to keep the focus on you and your family. Dig deeper for patience and know that you can only control you and your actions and whatever she's doing...well...that's on her.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
You certainly had a very difficult holiday. Many sympathies. I think you handled your situation remarkably well. Best wishes for an improved year in 2019!
Thank you Job and Kate. Her parents are basically live in 24/7 daycare, transportation, and cook/pay for things. Makes her life easier and enables her to not see a need for me anymore.
Her parents will eventually get tired of babysitting an teen age adult. It will get old and trust me, they will eventually take the blinders off and see that something is very off w/her and her behavior. Time will take care of this.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Some progress today. For a while now, when I would FaceTime with eldest kids to youngest kids, W would not even acknowledge eldest (her step kids) on the call and instead just hold the phone to youngest. I asked that W at least greet and converse with the eldest because they asked me why W did not say hello to them and for the kids sake. Immediately today when FaceTimed today, W was friendly and chatted with the eldest. Glad she is putting the kids first in this.
I thought I would check back in and let you know that the divorce was finalized last month. The nightmare which began almost 3 years ago is now over. Surprisingly, I feel good; because I know in my heart I did all could to keep the marriage afloat. In the end, my MLC wife got what she wanted, but I do not feel guilty anymore. I finally told my kids of the news as well as my first ex and they all took it well. Amazingly my newest ex texts me and is friendlier to me now than in the last three years. She says she is emotionally in a better place. All and all I am thankful for all the support this forum and Michelles books and coaches over the last year. I’ve learned a lot about myself and I really have not interest in going back to my ex even if she came back. I also met someone who likes me for me and I am much happier than I have been in years.
It is good to see you know you did all you could do to try to save your marriage. As you said, the three year nightmare is over. That is quite a weight lifted from you, something I have recently discovered as well.
What a wonderful update, you sound so much better, so happier, so more in touch with you. I am glad you dropped in to share with us.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
