Quote: Even if you do decide to take a much needed breather from the BB (and we all would miss you, BTW), this is something that your H must address in therapy - whether by himself or with you there. I truly hope that he will go of his own volition - it has helped me a great deal.
I doubt that h will do or say anything about it...what his excuse will be is that it was an email sent...that opened and things just started opening and mass confussion...
now fine I accept that spam comes at times but I do notice that it comes in spurts...(probably after a site is visited) these particular sites were all linked off of one and yes they all were visited last night. did our email account recieve an invite to see visit a live webcamsite? sure I've seen such invites myself...but thing is you delete them and there gone...on the foolish chance that you open it..you see one page...four don't just pop up (and yes I did try it with the said sites) how much browsing through the sites was actually done? I don't know but I do know that some things were clicked...was h just curious? possibly...but if he was he can and should have just admitted so instead of making up excuses about the computer going nuts on him and acting all defensive and then calling me nuts.
I don't know what will come of this topic...I'm sure if I bring it up again it will only end in another fight..him being defensive and me just being fed up. so really is there a point in bringing it up again?
I think it would probabaly be best for me to leave the bb at least for a while...I know I have been helpful to some but I also feel that my vents and vacillitations might have a tendancy to scare people and that doesn't leave me feeling all that well.
You know, admittedly, out of curiosity I've received these e-mails and clicked on them. What happens is when one is clicked, the browser starts spawning new browser windows with different URLs (sites). When trying to close the windows, more sites continue to spawn themselves...so it's very likely he clicked on one thing and all he!! broke loose (which is what happened to me)!
So, perhaps cut him a little slack. I do think, however, it would be helpful to talk to him about how frustrating it is for you to find out he's been looking at this stuff when your sex life is less than satisfactory.
He did, in fact, tell you some very nice things over the phone, LL.
Just back from 3 weeks of natural beauty and bonding with w/my son. Sorry to find you in this state .
Quote: I think it's time for me to take a break from this bb...I've abused it enough over the past year +...it has been helpful but it has also served to drive me insane at times.
As Dotty and I can vouche, taking a break from this BB couldn't hurt. It is a mixed bag. You put your soul out there and it can be incredibly helpful, but can also be painful. Sometimes it's better to lurk. Just promise you won't go far and be back soon!
About the porn sites...would you be just as upset if he were reading Penthouse? Is it possible you're driving yourself crazy needlessly? Being a guy (but not one who visits the sites...so what do I know) perhaps it's pretty harmless. Anyways, food for thought....
Don't even begint to think that your "down rants" are harmful here on the bb, LL. People only read what they want to, and personally, I've been helped by reading of your struggles.
Not to mention the rock solid gems you come up with all over this bb.
If you MUST take a leave...I wish you the very best...but KNOW that you will be missed indeed. \
And if you just can't stay away.....welcome back, no questions asked!
Love ya, honey -- I have all the faith in the world that you will find solutions to all your difficulties.
You are smart, articulate, witty, loving, fun, patient, disciplined, caring and hard-working. And more!
For now, forget your worries -- TIME to take care of YOU.
I know exactly what you mean about the porn thing -- seems we all know how porn spam works -- curiosity or "the urge" opens a flood of windows -- and people get real defensive about it.
You know I've been down this road -- my H was doing porn for a LIVING, which sparked our crisis -- and that had to run its course.
My eyes were opened -- and I said "NO MORE!" too -- but I also learned to laugh at the balloony babes and be BETTER IN PERSON than those artificial cartoons -- put yourself in the picture.
Mabye get even? There are also zillions of DUDE SITES that could help you turn the tables -- tan men, big men, young men, muscle men, beautiful bods aplenty -- don't let yourself fall into the trap of thinking you are LEFT OUT. Because YOU TOO can have access to eye candy.
You're tired of your H's getting defensive, I know. You're tired of doing all the work in the R, I know.
So -- time for a change.
Take your bb break if you need it -- we're all here for you and we love you no matter what.
But what about SURPRISING YOURSELF with a fling -- just hop in the car and drive to the beach. Arrange a sitter -- have your hair done -- charge the credit card -- and go.
Smell the cinnamon buns at the bakery in a resort town. Buy yourself a new bikini and a CD player and some Zydeco discs. You need the breeze in your hair and the sun on your face and seashells in your pocket. Get the kids souvenirs on your way home.
Take a vacation -- you NEED one, love. You need someone to treat you tenderly -- look in the mirror and give that wonderful woman a break.
Focus on YOUR MAGIC. Cuz you are very magical.
Love ya, certainly understand, offer all my support, KNOW you will be fine because you have all the skills you need, and then some!
Oh hella wrong, LL. If you need a break, take one for as long as you need, but if you are worried that your rants "scare" people, DON'T be!
I sometimes feel like that when I'm really venting too, but hey I can't be Pollyanna Sunshine all the time and why would I want to play perfect overachiever here anyway? I'm glad that you express it when you're struggling--that's honest and real. I'm glad that you bring it here and let people support you and offer other perspectives. You do the same for us, right?
I have mixed feelings about the web site stuff. There is so much spam now (heck, I even get ads for penis enhancement products in my email!) Marketing for spam is so tricky now--not obvious like it used to be.
I know the spawning of other pop-up windows is common too.
With that said, you've had two guys here weigh in about the use of internet porn. Some women enjoy the porn thing, but like most women, I hate it and don't understand the attraction. I think it may represent a part of male sexuality that we aren't comfortable with.
There is a real problem with some guys having a serious sex/porn addiction that is unhealthy, but I don't think that's the case most of the time.
Several years ago, when h first started having some "problems" in our sex life, porn became an issue. I felt very betrayed by it, as you do, because I felt that it was a threat as there was not enough physical intimacy between us. I was extremely upset--it felt to me like being cheated on.
Later on, H talked about feeling "less than enough" for me and that he'd thought he'd need to rev up his sex drive with additional stimulation. I think the drop in testosterone due to his age, compounded by physical problems was really affecting him deeply.
I still can't fully understand what many men have told me about compartmentalizing sex vs. intimacy. My brain just can't work that way, but I have come to accept that there is definatly a gender differential on this subject.
I know you won't go on a vaction, because this has come up before.
On PORN, what is wrong with visiting porn sites, how is it threating you. Do you think H does not have girlie magazines at work. Are you getting any less sex because of it. I don't see the big deal. My LF actually sends me links.
In my case I was facinated at first and still visit it every so often. Once every 6 weeks for a few days, it must be hormones. I can have sex any time(I am not saying with who), but I am not emotionally ready.
Now when I was married, XW became so HD, I actually started to avoid it because it became work. I would not even cuddle, so that she would not think I wanted sex. This just added to her pile, and I was clueless as most guys are.
I think porn is evil. Watching a porn movie every now and then, well ok; however, with many sinful things, I think it could be easily addicting and become very harmful. ie. gambling, porn, etc... my 2cents. nik
Quote: I think porn is evil. Watching a porn movie every now and then, well ok; however, with many sinful things, I think it could be easily addicting and become very harmful. ie. gambling, porn, etc... my 2cents. nik So your saying porn is addiction, then what about all the soft porn novel you women read all the time? You know the ones with conan on the cover.
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You know the ones with conan on the cover.