Thanks to all the people in here - ALL of you - for all you do for others and the suggestions/advice - seems as though this is all very healthy and wise communication here. Again, I am grateful for the place.
I am on IHS now. However, my WW moved out of MBR. MBR is mine. IHS [censored] man. Badly. WW will be gone a week and I feel great. I see her when she returns and what, sadness, anger and resentment.
My WW has even lawyered up but she hasn't filed. WW thought I was going after her, smear campaign etc. Shes not worth the effort.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
I think it’s always worth the effort when you love someone. How to handle things in the “disruption phase” is my greatest struggle right now. Getting used to a counterintuitive approach is the first step for me. It’s going ok.
A flicker of light. W accidentally saw me practicing and performing in my studio on Sunday afternoon. I was dancing in a care free but familiar way and singing at the top of my lungs jingle bell rock . She let out a laugh and a contagious smile while she was looking at me. It seemed as though I caught her totally off guard . I kept my rigid composure but cracked a quick natural smile, stopped what I was doing and made sure that she knew I noticed her moment of vulnerability ...
This was the first glimpse of anything that I feel I could build on to go forward someday. The only way that she could’ve done this or felt this way is from the softening of the heart which has been hard to do because she has been so depressed and angry. I am still beating myself up for badgering her and pushing her two weeks ago.
Taking that first legal step might not of ever happened if I hadn’t pushed her because she is inherently a procrastinator and this would’ve been no exception, I believe. I can tell that she is still confused even though she has said she wants D.
Still no petition letter has arrived and I am ignoring the feelings that it may come today or tomorrow or the next because it’s heart wrenching to know that the legal process detailed on a piece of paper will be the next phase of this drama .
Detaching and learning what that’s about. Thanks for the advice is everyone,
Heartbroken but strong and reverent to the things that I know I must do if I’m going to survive on the path to R.
Liam, please be careful about weighing every little thing your W does or says as being positive or negative. First, you will never know for sure and it will give you false hope. Second, it will keep you attached.
Do what you do and she'll either notice or not. Who cares? But until you can stop looking over your shoulder at her for a reaction you will make no real progress.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
The only way that she could’ve done this or felt this way is from the softening of the heart which has been hard to do because she has been so depressed and angry.
I'm sorry to say but this is quite common with WAS's. Sometimes they "forget" they are a WAS and let their guard down briefly, but unfortunately it means nothing. Sometimes a LBS will see this and do a temperature check and get BD'd all over again. Pull back, give her time and space, work on you.
Understood. This reaction however was a total surprise - "that girl" I used to know appeared - even if it was for only a couple minutes... but yeah, I get what you're saying.
Liam. It's not worth the pain you will go through to pursue her. Listen to what everyone says here. These people have been to hell and back again. All WW/WAW act the same. It's like a script they read.
Yes it's very helpful that you can focus on yourself and be happy. Keep that up. But if you weigh each tiny experience alone as a positive sign you will hurt yourself emotionally by getting drawn in.
They dont just snap out of it. Focus on DB. Focus solely on yourself. It's very counterintuitive feeling to do it. You will want to jump at any sign of your old W. But you detaching yourself from who she is now will protect you emotionally, make you stronger and a better person. It "could" also draw her back in.
My WW was full on ignore mode. Like full in her room listening to love songs, I wasnt even a thought in her mind. I started GAL hardcore. I started getting the "you look good today, where are you going? Where were you?" Questions. She started cooking dinner again. She started coming downstairs more instead of just sitting in her room. My WW is still in her A. But she still isnt coming back to me. Shes just filling the void from me backing off.
I let go of my WW. Yes I still love her and will withdraw emotionally from her. But I have decided I need to move out. WW being here and her being in an ongoing A is a dealbreaker for me. It's too much disrespect in my face.
Since I told her I'm done and need to get away from her she has really picked up the communication and asking me why I want to move out etc. Its because I'm a huge convenience living here and when I'm here she can have her cake and eat it too. It's not because she wants me to stay.
I told her that actions are louder than words. Told her that even if she told me she loved me and wanted to reconcile it wouldn't mean jack because her actions dont match. Probably shouldn't have said that but she wanted to keep talking.
You have to let them go to get them back. You have to be ok with risking everything to get them back and accept that you may just be single.
If my WW started showing consistent and positive actions along with proving her A was over, sure I would probably slowly prod her to see if R was truly an option. I would love to stay married. But my W is gone.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
