Dealing with a WW Pt3

[SoTorn]

Link to last post

Starting a new thread since I am over 100 posts on the last one.

I got a lot of text activity from the WW today. WW has not texted me anything in a very long time. WW advised that she picked up some medicine for D16.

WW advised me that she was paying our taxes. WW advised that we need to pay the other half of the taxes on the house in April and renew our homeowners insurance in April. This is odd because initially she was hellbent on selling the house or one of us moving out and buying the other out of the house. So she is obviously planning for both of us to still be paying the house.

One huge change on the WW side. Ever since WW moved upstairs, before BD, which was September 24, 2018, she would not share with me where she was traveling for work. WW would not let me know where she was going at all and when I asked she would tell me things like "I don't report to you".

Part of the texts this morning from WW was her telling me that she has to travel for work next week on Monday and that she will be back on Thursday. So I guess she is back to telling me where she is going to be for work. This is the first time in months she has told me in advance where she will be. WW did include information that D16 has a concert on the 12th.

I was not responding to her until she sent the last text about travel and D16's concert. I responded with an "ok" and thats it.

[SoTorn]

It’s her time with the kids, right? Go find something, yes. You need to be out and GAL this weekend. Go visit some friends, whatever. And don’t say nothing of what you’re doing. Get some well thought answer because she might want to do some checkings. No way, it’s your time.

Well, she doesnt really stay home to spend time with the kids. WW actually still ignores the kids. When WW is home with the kids it literally feels to me like I am leaving the kids home alone. Yes I would really like for her to spend time with the kids. WW doesnt really do anything with them though.

Since WW will be home this weekend I will definitely be GAL. I went last night and took D16 and D19 to the bookstore. I picked up Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus and The Five Languages of Love for myself. Picked up a couple of books for my D's. Then I took them to Starbucks and they did homework while I read.

I will be taking S11 to do something this weekend. Next week when WW is out of town I will take the kids to dinner one night and then a movie the next night. I will try and include my kids this weekend. Maybe WW will do something with them. If not, I will. There are quite a few things to do here that I didn't know about. I may go dancing, but I don't want to go alone. I have gone with a friend of mine who loves to dance. He is a cool guy that has gone through what I have gone through. Unfortunately, about 80% of my friends have gone through this same thing. Its unreal how many people have been in a long term MR and had their wife go wayward.

When I got home last night I sat in the MBR with the door closed reading The Five Languages of Love. Great book. Before I went to bed I had put the book open and upside down on my dresser. I just forgot it was there. When WW went in my room to weigh herself she saw the book and asked "what is that?". I just responded "Its a book I am reading". I didn't mean for her to see it. I really don't care if she sees it. I bought the book for me, not her.

I am doing a lot of reading. I have never been a big reader at all so thats a huge 180 for me.

[neffer]

Well you need to get some time for your own GAL, not with the kids. Do you get it? I know you want to protect them but she has a role to fulfill too. Get out, be mysterious, GAL

And keep DB

[SoTorn]

Well you need to get some time for your own GAL, not with the kids. Do you get it? I know you want to protect them but she has a role to fulfill too. Get out, be mysterious, GAL

And keep DB

Absolutely. I will leave them home when she is here. When she is out of town I will make sure they are included. I have absolutely noticed lately that when I am out and about and not home I get a lot more questions about where I am going and where I have been from WW. Again between September 24th and about November 15th or so, WW completely ignored me. I mean no contact, no text, no calls, no nothing.

Things I have noticed WW doing different that are positive that she stopped doing. (Not making me hopeful for anything, just taking note)

Telling me I look nice
Asking how work is
Telling me where she is going out of town
random phone calls about pointless stuff
cooking dinner again
Downstairs and around me more often
Talking about the future of the house

I am taking note of these to see if they remain consistent. I have done a great job of not pursuing her or asking about R or MR at all.

[neffer]

Yeah. Stick to DB. And control expectations. AP addiction is really powerful. Keep doing what you are doing no matter what she does.

Stay strong man!

[SoTorn]

Yeah. Stick to DB. And control expectations. AP addiction is really powerful. Keep doing what you are doing no matter what she does.

Stay strong man!

Thanks! Yeah the addiction is crazy. The thing I have to stop myself from doing is just worrying about whether she is planning to meet him or not. I just need to not care. I have been thinking of something positive about myself when that thought comes into my mind.

I am having a very hard time finding something to do tonight. Ugh.

[SoTorn]

So I am home from work. WW is nowhere to be found. WW used to be home promptly before me every day to cook. It's almost 6pm and nothing.

I have to be strong and not reach out asking where she is. God I hate this. What am I doing to myself?!?

[SoTorn]

WW has been home with me this weekend. I cant find anything to do and dont really feel like wasting gas. WW has been downstairs with me. WW cannot look at me. When she does it's very brief. WW is again going out of town for work. This is a huge trigger because this is how she met OM and his the A. We are not actively even in a MR but it still bothers me that she will most likely be with OM all week. Even though he isn't her boss anymore. I am not going to ask her if she is seeing him. Even if she is she will lie.

WW has been cordial. WW is going shopping and planned our meals for when she is out. I'm being cordial. No long conversation or talk about R or MR.

I did catch WW staring at me. WW has not seen me looking as good as I do pretty much ever. I feel great physically. I am proud of losing the weight I have.

WW went to the store with D16. No recent arguments. I am actually looking forward to her being gone because it's easier to detach.

[Davide]

Torn,

Congrats on the weight loss! Getting in to good shape is great for you and your confidence, forget about WW.

Get out of the house! Go see a movie, go to a coffee shop and read a book, go to the public library. It doesn't have to be anything super special, but you will feel better not being around her. The hardest part is the first step. Just do it!

Have a good weekend!

[SoTorn]

Thanks. WW left to go gift shopping supposedly. I'll leave when she gets back to go to the gym.