I have often thought this too. I have changed a lot since bd. I don’t think I’m in a crisis, more like a transition. My boyfriend looks at pictures of me from before and says he doesn’t even recognize me (I stood for a while, but it had six a negative impact on me and truthfully, I know myself and know I could never forgive him). I like following these boards though because I find it very helpful in helping me deal with ex, who is still deep in replay (which I doubt he will ever escape). He has a lot good days recently, which makes me question the last few years, like did I make this all up in my head?!???? Anyways, back to your question, I 100% think xh’s mlc triggered my transition, did I realize it at first, hmmm I knew I was depressed and not well, but made a conscious decision to change myself for the better, which I am still working on...could it have easily gone into crisis....yes!!!! I can totally see how that could happen. I can remember the exact day I decided to not let that happen. But I don’t think I have childhood issues, maybe that’s why I was able to cope? Or maybe it was because I had a great upbringing that I had the tools I needed to cope? Or maybe because I was fortunate enough to not have suffered financially from his mlc? I can see if I had lost everything, maybe. Or maybe lbs don’t necessarily go into crisis, but more a depression and ptsd that they can never recover from? I don’t know.
Like job said, Mlc is not a recognized illness. Maybe in our lifetime this will happen, and then more research and answers will be available to us. If one psychiatrist took the time to interview all us lbs’s and realized all of the eerie similarities between all of our stories, maybe that would get the ball rolling....
Hello all , just a short update as not seen the mlcer so nothing to report on that . I think that maybe i was getting a little bit ahead of myself as today for the first time in a while I have had the worst anxiety for a while . I don’t know what triggered it maybe some random thoughts coming up but it just goes to show that you think your further ahead than you actually are because I haven’t had it for a while .sorry dnj I feel like I’ve let you down because I was doing so well guess I’m not out of the woods yet . I know sooner or later it will subside and I’ll come back to normal thinking it’s just the way it comes on and takes over . I practise what I have been taught here. And I’d does help because when it goes I say to myself you silly bugger what was all that about it’s just trying to control it when it happens although this was quite a long attack which leaves you with a lousy headache . I’ve promised my kids that I will beat it and I’m not going to let them down but at the same time I feel I don’t want to tell them I’m having anxiety because they’ll just worry and I do enough of that for all of us . I’m sorry if your reading this and it’s a bit morose but I guess at least by sharing it it’s a burden halved as they say . I hope your all well and continuing on your own journeys. onwards and upwards needs to be my motto I think because one way or the other I will it . Big love to you all and keep the focus going .
I wrote some time ago about backsliding. To me it is misnamed.
One cannot go forward without going backwards.
We all get triggers of anxiety and slip back. That is a sure sign of healing - IMHO. You are a peace enough to push back more of that veil of denial and see more and more of the true reality. You are healed enough to be able to allow more hurt and anxiety to surface and start to resolve those “feeling” as well. I’ve kind of been watching for this to be honest.
This backslide forward progress is awesome. Yeah, it hurts. And it feels terrible. And it means you are well enough to look to more within yourself. By the way, these moments don’t last as long, nor are they as debilitating as previous anxiety times.
I wonder what surfaced? Time will reveal whatever it is you are about to uncover. Be patient, forcing doesn’t help.
Keep shining man!
I am proud of you.
Now, you be proud of you.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
Hello all , I’ve not been about for a while or posted so thought I’d have a bit of me time and do an update .well I haven’t really got anything to report regarding the W and her mlc as I have not seen her . She still comes to the house whilst I’m at work taking bits and pieces mainly clothes I think . I don’t know whether this is avoidance tactics on her behalf or guilt who knows the workings of a mlc mind .i know she went to stay at the daughters house for a couple of days and as usual things ended up in an argument with her my daughter and my one son as they told her a few home truths which by all accounts she did not like ,but unfortunately for her my children won’t. Sit there and listen to her blaming things on me all the time . She and my daughter have always had a bit of a tempestuous relationship but no where near as bad as nowadays but I guess when someone is saying untruths all the time they will give their opinion on things unfortunately mlcer does not like what they hear so anger comes to the surface (as usual) .As for myself well I continue to heal slowly a lot less anxiety than before and now I feel I have come a long way towards detachment it doesn’t hurt as much as it did ( never thought I’d be saying that ) but I have .im quite expecting 21st to be a hard day as it would of been our wedding anniversary but I’ll process the feelings and emotions let them go it’s all you can do . At this particular time I feel in a better place than I thought I could ever be , I think it’s because of detachment on my part that I do . I hope you are all well and continuing your journeys through this most difficult of times I never believed it to start with but it does get better just stay strong keep the focus on yourselves and carry on healing yourselves . R678
You sound grounded and have a good foundation. It was very nice to read how your anxiety has lessened. It was also nice to read that your children are seeing things clearer as well. They are pretty perceptive and see through the lies.
Yeah, the 21st will be a hard day. You know you’ll get through it. Process the emotions and let them go - that’s a good plan.
Nice hearing from you. Hoping you have a great day.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
HI everyone . I was just reading a post by cadet I think it was and in the post described a low energy mlc could someone please elaborate for me including the behaviour of said low energy mlc quite interested to get a handle on that .
Copy pasted from elsewhere:
Attributes of Low-Energy MLCers
Fantasy Affair Emotional Affair Workaholic Work may become an alienator Overt Depression Less Monster Crisis may seem milder Suppressed anger and rage Move out of the marriage bedroom
Less likely than High Energy MLCers to… Have a physical affair (If a physical affair) Have an Affair Down (If a physical affair) Have in-fatuation addiction or an emotionally-bonded affair Leave home soon after bomb drop Many will eventually leave, but not for a few years. Be a Clinging Boomerang Clinging Boomerangs maintain an emotional attachment and connection to their spouse, Wallowers withdraw emotionally.
Is there more information about this? This is the 1st reference I've seen about this. Thanks!
So update time again . Working on the garden yesterday patio door opens there’s the. W standing there .seemed perfectly normal talking and chatting ,just as things used to be . Reading some of the posts it is understandable how people question if it’s mlc or not because I’m sometimes the same but, I always think back to a year ago and remember how vile and nasty she was toward me so that settles my questioning of myself because people do not behave in that way . But the night went on all amicable, no grief or such just a normal evening.you do however question what is going on inside their heads though ,if you read my posts you will see we have had no contact for 6/7 weeks again apart from a text saying about s26 passing his driving test last week but at the same time I question why all of a sudden come round when you normally come whilst I’m at work I don’t get that one .Swiss cheese brain possibly who knows only the mlcer .so anyway got to 10 o clock said I’d drop her off at her Room which I did and s a parting shot she says “ohh I’ll pop up next couple of weeks we’ll have a curry (we used to have one regularly) so I await to see if it goes ahead or if not . If anyone can throw any light on why the sudden change of behaviour I’d be glad to hear it or is it just the rollercoaster ride continuing its journey .r678
Show her (don’t tell her) that you enjoy her company
If she runs away again no problem
You are independently and happily living your own life
Keep expectations at zero
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
