Hopefully I did the thread linking correctly. Figured I needed to change the title to stereotypical LBS. While I am dealing with a textbook WAW there is nothing that I can control in that regard and my main focus is improving myself and moving away from being the typical LBS stuck in a downward spiral.
Just a little Monday update for my own notes. The weekend started off really well, did two GAL activities on Friday including meeting with my new mens group. The mens group is turning out to be the best thing I have ever done for myself. A great group of individuals just getting together to hear about what is happening in one an other's lives and supporting each other. I always feel so refreshed after attending and for any of the other men on here that don't have a group of supportive men in their lives I highly recommend it. Afterwords I went and met up with a friend for a drink and we spent several hours just talking which was really nice. Saturday started out well hanging out with the kids but I took a major step back with detaching and that continues today. Today is my birthday and we had a family celebration on Saturday night that just brought all the incredibly strong feelings of loneliness and hurt back up. I know these things will happen likely for a while and I just need to remind myself to keep focusing on my self and loving myself, accepting my sitch for what it is and eventually I will get past it but it was a very hard couple of days. Got a "Happy Birthday" text from W today, nothing more, nothing less, not sure what I expected but it was at least something. I'm learning more and more each day about myself, the person I want to be and the relationship I want to have with someone in the future and am making progress with forgiving myself for the mistakes I made in the relationship.
The past couple of days I have noticed a real shift in myself and perhaps detaching is really starting to take hold. Each day is still up and down like a roller coaster. I have great days filled with happiness, confidence and a bright outlook to the future. I also have some very sad and lonely days mixed in there. It is the sad days that I notice the change and I don't really know how to explain it. The sadness is different somehow. It is not about what WAW is doing to our family or how our relationship has been the last year on both our parts or anything of that nature really. The sad feelings have shifted more to a sad things couldn't have turned out different and sad that it has ended this way but there is a level of acceptance underneath it all now and that "I'm going to be OK" and "I have a lot going for me and this may actually be a great opportunity for me" feeling is constantly there mixed in. I'm not sure if that makes sense reading it from others perspectives but that difference in the sadness feels good, it feels more like a healthy sadness now.
That's progress in my book. Now you just work on making your life better for you and not being a poor weakling chasing around someone who doesn't want you.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Got a ways to go on all of that but again day by day it's getting better. I still slip up from time to time but it happens. I don't let the slip ups bug me anymore, I regroup, evaluate what I did, make notes of the mistake and move on. That goes for everything that has happened really. I made a lot of mistakes, not just with W but with the kind of person I was being. I recognize what areas need improvement, I'm slowly working on those and eventually will get there. I think that in itself buts me a step above.
