I think W has realized that she was the one distancing from her children and is making an effort to be more involved in S14 school and home life. She is still very agitated at me saying I have caused all this and I am staying the course.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
I’m sure I gave up a little ground but had to ask W what are we doing. All via text but it turned into her blaming me for trying to alienate kids, make her look like a drug addict, bad mom etc etc. kinda wanted her to have something to think about this weekend and will see what she is like when she returns. Yes I am the impatient one but only had two texts to her 20 and left it there. Says she doesn’t sleep when she is here and only rests away from the house.
It really is getting to a point where I am calling the PIs back into get more adultery evidence and contemplate walkIng away from the mortgage and get another place. Taking son with, all legal but force her to take legal action of her own.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
Not sure anymore, since I have totally detached, four weekends in a row she has been away. I’m still wondering if it’s the drugs because she seems to come right home and go to bed even when she gets home at 2pm, noon etc. no interest in speaking to me or anything.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
I am, no reason to not be detached anymore. Scary, a mutual acquaintance that my W and I met briefly during our mini R this summer reached out to me this weekend. A much younger lady who is already going through a D and has been talking to me about what is going on with her. I know this could get ugly if it goes in the wrong direction but after a few conversations thought it was interesting how now I can see how an EA can start. She tells me what's ailing her in her sitch as do I and we see the mutual feelings about our spouses.
It helps both of us to be able to open up with someone who seems to understand and the type of conversation that never happened with our spouses that could have avoided the sitches that we are in. In 19 years I have been with the same W and never came close to an EA and as almost an outsider analyzing this it is bizarre how this starts with just a few conversations.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
EAs almost always start with being a shoulder to cry on about a dysfunctional MR. I am glad you are aware of that, use that awareness to keep it in check. Your goal should still be R in your MR, and to help her with R in her MR.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Sorry guys, through a lot of reflection on this being the second A that my wife has had and that she did not show any remorse the first time and appears to be in the same mindset this time and it has been going on for 4+ months I see no chance of me wanting to R even if she stopped everything. Through IC, research, and a lot of discussions with others in similar situations that have successfully gotten their M back and those that haven't I do not see any kind of future with my W. My W shows many Narcissistic tendencies which are all common with a WW but through reflection have seen that this is the way she has always been I was just putting up with it. A true Narcissist is incapable of loving themselves so they will never be able to truly love someone else. This describes my W to a T.
It is also through the support of the people in this forum that I have successfully been able to detach, GAL, look at the person I want to be and the person I want to be with since I am only 49 and hopefully have a lot of years left to live. Your inspiration has shown me that we all deserve to be happy and I will not allow someone who doesn't respect or care for what I have to offer dictate a life that is in limbo and would most likely be an unhappy future just to avoid the discomfort of moving on from someone I have given 18 years too.
I am putting the wheels in motion again to get a PI involved to get the evidence I need to move forward with a D. I had previously filed and withdrawn when I though she wanted to reconcile only to find out the A had not ceased. I will not make that mistake again.
Just so you all know this is not a story of failure. We all deserve to be happy and I have done a lot of soul searching with and without your help and realized this is not the person for me at this point in my life and I am comfortable with that decision. I will stay in touch regarding the outcome but wish you all well.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
