I have found that the actions my W has taken that might be positive are little milestones that I thank God for. Especially if it is something I have prayed for. Her returning to Church (separately) after the BD because Church was so important to her before for example. I messed up with that and am trying to get that right in my life with God.
H (me) 56 ; W 54 ; M 32 ; D 32 ; D 30 ; S 21 ; Grandkids: 12, 11, 10, 8, 1
W called me today. I missed the call. I texted later to ask if she still wanted to talk, and she sent me several texts regarding the financials of the divorce. She has more debt because her car is newer. My 401K is much higher, and I have Roth IRA and NW Mutual accounts. I've been trying to contact a lawyer that was referred to me, but he hasn't called back.
I don't know completely where I stand on legal grounds financially. It seems okay to help with the financing of her car, but I'm seven years older than my wife (I've been working longer), and I started investing before we met, so I don't know if we legally split the assets 50/50 or they take this into account.
I asked her to send her questions in an email, so I have them documented for the lawyer.
All of this divorce talk from her is affecting me less and less each day. I think I'm hitting the bitterness stage.
That's like four straight days she's called talking about the divorce. It makes me sad every time, but I guess it helps the detachment. She wants us to tell our daughters that the divorce was mutual between us. I told her that I would not do that. I told her that I would not deceive our daughters to protect her from her decision. Plus, I think knowing their father didn't fight for their family would affect their future relationships with men. Portraying to the girls a different image of their father than the truth isn't good for them. I will be the lighthouse of truth.
W constantly texts and calls me. The last five times we talked the conversation has been about the divorce financials. She called twice tonight, but didn't leave a message and I'm not calling back. I will send email updating her on what I think about the agreement. I told her that we couldn't wait to tell D12 and D8. She wants to tell them at Thanksgiving or Christmas when they'd have time to process the info, but I think that will always associate one of those holidays to their parent's divorce. I will also reiterate that I will not tell the girls that the divorce was mutual.
I'm actually happy with the child custody agreement. Wife will get 196 to 169 overnights, but I'll get 40 of 52 weekends/year, so I'll actually get to see them more. Plus, I work for an airline, so I'll be able to get on a lot of vacations with them. Child support will be $450/month--which is actually relatively reasonable considering our salaries.
I had a bit of an epiphany tonight. Even though I've been GAL, 180, and detaching, I wasn't truly detaching. In the back of my mind I've been thinking that if I could just buy enough time, my W will come out of her fog. However, she may not be in a fog. All the stress from the last months, maybe years could be lifting. She's more likely feeling free than sad. I finally really get it. GAL, 180, detaching is for me. Having a little hope is healthy, so that I don't get angry or bitter. However, I've gotten to the no expectations part. That truly hit home tonight. Basically, I'm divorced. The best thing I can do is get on with my life. Make me the best me that I can.
I have forgiven my W, but I've also forgiven myself. I'm a good guy, good father, and was probably a good husband for much of our marriage, but I lost sight of the little things. Perhaps another woman wouldn't have been so quick to kick me to the curb. Perhaps another woman needs me more than my W. I don't know. Only God knows what's in store for me, and I trust Him completely.
