Jesus, I've must have read 100 threads on here with WWs or WAWs. Aside from Sandi, are there any actual success stories of the W's returning and the marriage working? Seriously, and I pray nobody takes offense to this, but DBing, detaching, pursuing, begging, etc. None of it seems to work. I realize DB is about 'you', not 'her'. But does this 'marathon' ever actually work?
I'd love to read even a few 'success' stories.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
If you click on his name you can then click on "see all posts" and go back to the beginning and look at his thread. There is a whole forum on "piecing" or reconciling, and there are tons of stories there.
Long story short, there are a number of success stories, but the vast majority of relationships are not reconciled. The WAS simply might not ever come back, or the LBS might decide that they have made the changes in their lives and don't want them back any more. The hard part is realizing that both of those outcomes are okay, and can be considered successful if you make the internal shifts that you need to in your life.
Last edited by Cadet; 08/18/1802:19 PM. Reason: Start a new thread message
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
Jesus, I've must have read 100 threads on here with WWs or WAWs. Aside from Sandi, are there any actual success stories of the W's returning and the marriage working? Seriously, and I pray nobody takes offense to this, but DBing, detaching, pursuing, begging, etc. None of it seems to work. I realize DB is about 'you', not 'her'. But does this 'marathon' ever actually work?
I'd love to read even a few 'success' stories.
Hi Terapin,
They are quite a few. You just have to look. A lot of times people take off from the forums when their situations improves (or worsens). TXHubby was a great one to read for me. Check out the siglines of the posters, if someone says "piecing since 2016", that means they're piecing the MR back. There's a few around here.
I think, and correct me if I'm wrong, that you're wondering: Is this an effective solution to my problem? That depends on your definition of effective, so maybe it's not. But I don't think there's a better solution out there.
My WW came back, then left, came back, then left. I don't think it would have happened without the support and principles here. I can say this positively that detaching (or at least trying), and not pursuing, totally changed the dynamic for us. The "gift of time" has helped me realize what I want in life, marriage, and my W. And usually the best thoughts come to me as I'm doing something else, not while I'm directly engaged in thought on DB'ing, or my marriage.
I realized, for example, that following my W's line of thought (she's not having an affair) that she thinks marriage is something to be easily set aside. Why did she take the lifelong vow then? She must also have cheated on her BF with her husband (me). Realizing these things,you start to step back and see your sitch objectively. This helps you calm down, get stronger, and release the wayward spouse's control over you. This, IMO, contributes to putting you in the best position to reconcile your marriage b/c it makes you the best you.
At the end of the day, if none of it seems to work, why beg and plead someone who doesn't want you? Why give them the satisfaction? You'll garner more respect by being strong, rising above the fray, and not pursuing. The WAS always has free will, and this isn't a game where you press the right buttons and win it.
And for a joke, at least some of us will get laid of our DB'ing efforts, amirite?
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Ws been out of state w S since yesterday. Im keeping busy, but its still kinda lonely. I havent called or texted at all. Shes called once, and sent a few texts about son.
She is being very nice. Idk if thats to keep things civil, or if shes having 2nd thoughts on D. Guess it doesnt really matter
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
Last edited by job; 08/19/1802:33 PM. Reason: add link to new thread
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
