Yes! That is exactly right. You will heal from your pain, but she can never NOT be a cheater. That is something she will have to live with. I try to tell myself this about my WW all the time too.
I know I will need to repeat this as my current mantra, as I have good moments and bad ones, but to have realised it is progress! :-D
I just realised that I don't need to be angry with her anymore. She will have to live the rest of her life with what she did, whereas I don't. I get to go and be awesome and do awesome things!
Just be careful because anger is a valuable part of the healing process. We go through the 5 stages of grief for the end of the relationship same as other loss. Denial - Anger - Bargaining - Depression - Acceptance. And sometimes bounce around back and forth between them.
I think the key is using the anger as a fuel for you rather than as a way to attack to her.
Thanks, Amoafwl, I read about those stages and I know them well from previous losses. They are not as linear as some people might think, for example, I kept going back and forth between denial, anger and acceptance. I have now mostly accepted the situation, so I have no need for anger just now, at least not about the relationship. I should have seen it coming, really.
I am angry at her for a number of other reasons now. Mostly, because she snapped up a house I was looking to rent, which would have been ideal. Now I am struggling to find a place to stay, the places are either too expensive, too tiny or don't accept dogs. So I am pissed at her for making me have to move and I am stressed out of my head that I won't find anywhere, that she'll push for the house sale as she now has somewhere to move into, and that I end up homeless.
At the moment, I am worried about that so much, I don't even care about the marriage or anything else, I just don't want to be homeless. Or end up in a hole that just makes me depressed. It freaks me out.
I am so angry at her for the way she ended it. For not telling me sooner how she felt. I am so angry that I now have to change everything in my life.
I am so angry that she seems to have everything sorted, a place to move into, and that nothing much changes for her. My whole life has fallen apart, while hers carries on as is without me.
I don't know how to let go of this anger. The very honest part of me knows the relationship was over. But that also makes me angry that we didn't try and save it when it could have been saved. That we ran it into the ground without a stop and think.
I don't know how to get out of this thought spiral. These same thoughts keep going round and round in my head. I know I need to move forward, and in the moments where I can see a future, it feels great, I feel positive, full of energy and can't wait to get started with my new life.
Then I get dragged back into the spiral and start hating and crying again.
I have noone to vent this too. My "friends" aren't close enough friends to talk about this. Finn is a good listener when he's not busy with his nylabone but not much of a verbal communicator.
I know I need to let go. I want to let go. But I can't let her "get away with it". It just isn't fair. And I know, I know, I am always the one who says life isn't fair, so get over it, but this is hard.
Hang in there girl. Be strong. Transform that bad energy into a positive one and use it to move forward. Put your mind on that movement. Go on with the reading, GALing and detaching. To be the one only a fool would leave requires PMA. Look for it. It’s hard but waiting for things to happen is harder.
So this weekend, she is moving out. On my request. Our house is on the market now, and she has rented a house from September. I said I would like her to move there as soon as possible so I have my own space rather than this living next to each other.
I have done everything by the book, I GAL'd the [censored] out of it, and she is moving out. We are very much done. I have put in an offer on a flat which has been accepted, so all that is left to do is divide the belongings and get the house sold so I can move on.
Last Resort did not work for me. None of this stuff worked for me. So I'll be moving on with my life, on my own, and I will live happily ever after. So long and thanks for all the fish.
