No more MC while she is in an active affair and wants a D. Total waste of money. Nothing serious? Laughable, its been going on for 2 years at least. Let her know that you will give her an amicable D but you want to keep the house. That is where the children will feel at home. You will be fair and buy her out.
My W wanted the house, but I insisted that I keep it. I used the guilt she was feeling against and and got to keep it. My son never wants to go to her house because it is not home to him.
Am i the fool that puts up with nonsense because deep down, subconsciously i want to reconcile with my ww? I really ponder that question because sometimes i wonder what the heck am i doing? My ww has admitted to an affair to my son and her parents. She has made it clear to me that she wants a d. She has disrespected me every step of the way, from cheating, to bringing my son around om, to making a sexual gesture about her pleasure with om. And now im sitti,g in freaking mc to almost feel like im on the defensive because she feels threatened and is stressed. R u freaking kidding me???
Last year we decided to end everything that we have. Our relationship is kinda fun but toxic. We keep on bringing out the worst on each other, and we don't want our baby girl to be affected. We remained friends and I really do miss him. He still visits our baby on weekend and pretends as if we are a happy family.
Wow....its crazy how they perceive things. I feel like im in somewhat of a similar sitch, except of course we are still living together. I guess all we can do is do the best we can for our kids and our own growth and happiness.
Hope all is well. Its been awhile since ive been on here. Just a quick update to my situation. We really don't speak anymore even though we still are living under the same roof. Makes it really difficult with kids. Last November she emailed me stating that she obtained a lease and would be moving out December 1st. She also said that she would be taking most of our furniture except for the kids mattress and would no longer be paying any bills associated with the house. Even though our house is still under water and shes equally responsible to service the debt. I replied by stating that its my understanding that she is abandoning her responsibilities and that I would have to take the necessary legal action. She then replied by saying she wasn't moving out. A couple months later we had a brief discussion about her trying to move out and she completely denied that she was going to move???? I told her that I still had the email and she said obtained is not the same as signing a lease. Seems to be semantics to me and confirms that shes still all over the place.
Things got worse from there. In January I learned that my 31 year old brother has an extremely rare and aggressive form of kidney cancer that metastasized to his lungs. Its stage 4 and the prognosis is grim. His case is so rare that its been all over the news and the community organized a fundraiser at a local restaurant. I'm really bothered that she hasn't shown any care regarding my brothers situation. Not only did she not go to the fundraiser( her parents did) but she hasn't even reached out to my mother or my brother or his wife, who she was close to. The fact that its my brother, but also that hes the godfather to our youngest child is really disheartening. She had brought it up to me a couple weeks ago saying that she feels awful and wanted to reach out but didn't because of me. Basically blaming me saying that I told her not to....which is 100 percent false. So I told her then that its completely fine for her to reach out and that my mother and brother would appreciate it. I later learned that she sent my brother a gift card for a local chain restaurant. Seemed a little cliché to me and totally lacked compassion.
But what happened on Tuesday completely blew my mind and probably closed me off forever with her. I spoke to her the night before about some bills for the house and my brothers situation came up. I expressed to her how dire it is and how I'm really worried about my mom because she is so overwhelmed. She just gave me that blank stare and again tried to blame me for why she hasn't reached out. Even though my mother bought her Christmas and birthday gifts recently. She even called my mother a few months ago to thank her for taking my daughter shopping. So we ended our conversation that night I went down to sleep on the couch. The next morning I get a text from my mother asking if I could drive her and my brother into the hospital to get his brain scanned and to meet with his doctors. I then called my wife to inform her and to make sure she was able to pick my son up from baseball practice. She said that's fine and I even told her the timeline for the day; basically scans during the day and meeting with doctors at 4:30 to get the results. I told her how nervous we all were.
Thank god I didn't check my email before the meeting with the doctors at 4:30. I realized at 7:15 that she sent me an email at 2:07 in the afternoon stating that its never a good time but that we still have to come up with a resolution to our marriage/divorce. And that she secured a lawyer and had filed for divorce! She wanted to know where they should mail the summons and that she felt it probably would be best to mail to my attorney. I was overwhelmed with pure disgust. How the hell could someone send an email like that knowing full well where I was and the gravity of the situation. My mother and brother felt the same. Its so obvious that she hates me with a passion and that she will do anything to hurt me.
What a wild couple of years. Thinking back i really wish I had listened to more people on this forum...especially Sandi2. Probably would have saved me a lot of aggravation, stress and overall turmoil. When I reflect back, I think it was hard to process that my wife had changed, didn’t love or respect me, and could care less of how I end up! When you choose to marry somebody you are making a life together, envisioning being with that person until the end. To discover that she’s been having an affair for “god knows how long” and doesn’t show any sense of remorse when she’s caught is like being beaten and tortured! Your entire fabric is ripped from your reality and sets you off on an emotional roller coaster.
I feel like I’ve seen enough from my wife to know that she is set in her way, dangerous, and would have no problem destroying me if I get in her way! For so long, I always thought of her thru the lense of when we were in love. Sweet girl with a kind heart and love for family and friends. Now I look at her and I see nothing but anger and resentment combined with a desire to act like a teen age girl again. So where do I go from here?
No long to I get caught up in worrying about her or what she does. I’m focusing on me. But with that said, I still have to be able to negotiate a divorce and occasionally interact with her concerning my children’s affairs! I guess I need help with that. How do I control my emotions when she provokes me with comments or actions? I know I need to take the emotions out of this and maintain a steady, calculated approach. It’s not easy when someone has hurt you like you have never been hurt before!!!
How do I control my emotions when she provokes me with comments or actions?
I can only tell you what I did and I believe it has saved me.
Step 1: I am letting her go physically, mentally, and emotionally. Accept it will take time and likely be painful. Step 2: Hire a lawyer to protect me financially and protect my right to see my daughter. Step 3: Contact is through email only. Step 4: Discussion through email is only about finances and daughter nothing else. Step 5: Ignore all threats unless it needs to be handled by lawyer. Step 6: Become the best dad I can be for my daughter. Step 7: GAL Step 8: Accept that I will go through the Grieving Process and I will not fight it. Step 9: Have faith that things will get better.
Last edited by rooskers; 12/01/1906:46 AM.
1st BD December 26, 2008 PA admitted to by XW December 29, 2008
2nd BD May 23, 2019 Daughter confirms EA Divorce Finalized July 18, 2019
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Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
